Son:
Who do you think you are;
Barging in on me when
I’m going to go crap,
mother dear, hey,
close door that door now.
You’d better go you know,
I don’t want everyone to see me.
Give me air fresheners,
give me toilet paper.
The smell it produces,
I just can't handle.
Well take your body out of here now,
please go away, goodbye, goodbye.
You should go now, you should go now,
you should go now, you should-- YES!
Another time, another place,
we’ll talk another time;
we’ll have a heart to heart.
You’ll die from the smell,
just like all of my friends.
Looking for toilet paper?
I’m using all of it,
you can’t have any.

Mom:
Crapping can cause pain or it can burn.
The pain will ease, if you take this laxative.
You may have diarrhea, you may be constipated,
no matter what, I will always love you.
This is the only way, only the doctor can help.
Forget that crap, or life goes down the loo;
you need help, the only way, is to see a doctor.

Son:
Excuse me, but I’m still on the loo;
but if you're so wise, then tell me,
why don’t you help me out?
Leave me alone, take your fancy clothes.
And don't forget; get the hell out of my house.
Long ago, you could come here,
but now you can’t,
and you’re never ever going to again.
Another time; another place, if you’d only leave;
we’d be on the moon. It'd be another time,
you’d help another way.
You wanna prove me wrong?
Come back another day, and we’ll talk.

Mom:
Go to the hospital, it will help out.
You must listen to me,
I can’t help any way, no other way,
listen to me, see a doctor now.


All:
I can't control; your destiny.
I trust my doctor.
My only goal is to help you.
Call the hospital, he needs help.
Give in to this advice, or live in pain,
please hear, hear me out, See a doctor…

Son:
Control your own destiny.
She doesn't see.
Who says that there's a doctor?
Just let me crap...
Who do you think you are,
Barging in on me when I going crap.
Mother dear, hey, close that door now,
I’m done anyway.

All:
See a doctor, see a doctor,
see a doctor, see a doctor,
see a doctor.

Son:
Give me air fresheners;
give me toilet paper.
Please go away, all of your advice,
please go away.
Another time, another place,
another toilet, a heart to heart.
Another toilet, another mother,
I’m better, I’m done crapping.