We know you're crazy (Yea, just crazy)
You're just a big freak (Just a big freak)
You jump up and down on Oprah's couch
Like some ridiculous fool.
And we know you've lost it (we know you've lost it)
It's easy to see (It's easy to see)
And if you went to see a shrink,
I know that he would tell you the same.

Don't cha wish that Tom Cruise wasn't so insane?
Don't cha wish he'd shut and and just go away?
Don't cha, Don't cha
Don't cha wish he was taller than five foot four?
Don't cha wish he'd shut up about Katie Holmes?
Don't cha, Don't cha

I have a feeling (I have a feeling)
Your career's over (career's over)
And in a few years
Nobody will care about you anymore
Go back to your planet
You're just a wacky freak
So please I'm begging you
Just quit all that Scientology speak

Don't cha wish Tom Cruise accepted psychiatry?
Don't cha wish he'd shut up and just make movies?
Don't cha, Don't cha
Don't cha wish Tom Cruise wasn't so crazy?
Don't cha wish he'd never heard of Scientology?
Don't cha, Don't cha


See, I liked Top Gun (I liked Top Gun)
You were great as Lestat (great as Lestat)
But somewhere down the line something snapped
In your brain
Now you're just annoying (you're just annoying)
Like an itchy boil (itchy boil)
Why the hell are you jumping around like a crazy person?

Don't cha wish Tom Cruise wasn't so loony?
Don't cha wish he'd realize what he's doing?
Don't cha, Don't cha
Don't cha wish Tom Cruise wasn't so insane?
Don't cha wish that he would act normal again?
Don't cha, Don't cha