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Song Parodies -> "Absolutely (The Story of a Bastard Who Continuously Gives Us 1,1,1s for NO REASON!!)"

Original Song Title:

"Absolutely (The Story of a Girl)"

Original Performer:

Nine Days

Parody Song Title:

"Absolutely (The Story of a Bastard Who Continuously Gives Us 1,1,1s for NO REASON!!)"

Parody Written by:

Mike Armstrong

The Lyrics

This is dedicated to the faceless coward who continuously tries to lower our ratings by voting ALL of our songs a 1,1,1. He even dug up the ancient ones and did them too. Thanks buddy. You're a real hero in your own mind. People like you make this site a worse place to be.
It's also dedicated to other accomplished authors that this happens to.
This is the story of a guy
Who votes our songs a 1,1,1 and why?
And while he hides behind his laptop screen
We absolutely hate him

How many days in a row
Do I wake up to check if our vote count did grow
And we can be jerks too ya know
We'd appreciate if your face you would show
As long as you sit there laughin'
Given us 1s for no reason at all
How many chuckles ya get
For making our vote count subtly fall

Your parodies prob'ly suck; you can't write
And you're jealous of authors at amiright
You need to get a life man and try TONIGHT!

This is the story of a guy
Who votes our songs a 1,1,1 and why?
And while he hides behind his laptop screen
We absolutely hate him

How many authors would stay
And just put up with this shit day after day
The process is pointlessly gay
Will it make him look better some way?

Well Mike and I will keep writin'
Turning the lyrics and writing bad puns
And you will just have to live
Because we don't, but you DO deserve to score 1s.

You're completely faceless and gutless too
And you won't even leave a comment, it's true!
You need to get a hobby; something to do

This is the story of a guy
Who votes our songs a 1,1,1 and why?
And while he hides behind his laptop screen
We absolutely hate him

And your parodies prob'ly suck; you can't write
And you're jealous of authors at amiright
You need to get a life man and try TONIGHT!

This is the story of a guy
Who votes our songs a 1,1,1 and why?
And while he hides behind his laptop screen
We absolutely hate him

This is the story of a boy
Who hides his face and revels in joy
And while he hides behind his laptop screen
We absolutely hate him
What an Ass!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 292

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   44
 2   7
 3   9
 4   36
 5   196

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Kev O'Keefe - January 20, 2003 - Report this comment
i agree..would have wrote a song bout it, but cussin doesn't fly here ;)
Mike Florio - January 20, 2003 - Report this comment
good job...I gave it 5,5,5...I wanna write one about this soon...still thinkin of ideas...
AmishJD - January 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Great Job. 5,5,5
Xander999 - January 21, 2003 - Report this comment
I gave it 1,1,1...ONlY JOKING! Please, don't kill me! I actually gave it 5,5,5 as well...
lebeiw15 - January 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Great parody, it's funny, and I'm thinkin of a parody to write on this topic as well... it would have been just as funny without the cuss words though.
Joe - February 07, 2003 - Report this comment
They aren't cuss words, they're "sentence enhancers." I guess when normal words don't express your feelings exactly (or they aren't part of your vocabulary) cuss words are the way mot people go.
Greg - February 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Very funny Mike - I don't really understand why anyone would do such a juvenile deed, but I guess it makes them happy. Maybe my 5,5,5 will counteract some of that 1,1,1
Jordan - February 09, 2003 - Report this comment
Ummmm... My vocabulary is pretty extensive. I could have rambled on using words that most people don't even recognize... but instead I was true to my own feelings when I first discovered this was happening, and it's rather censored for the site by the way. I cut MOST of the bad ones out.
John Harvey - February 13, 2003 - Report this comment
I wonder if anyone will have the balls to give this parody all ones. If they do, they are some major @$$*****. Keep up the good work. I'm bitter too about the dreaded 1,1,1 rating.
cLaRii - March 02, 2003 - Report this comment
awesome parody! I would have voted multiple times if I could!
Michael Pacholek - March 03, 2003 - Report this comment
This same guy, or maybe just a bitter Knicks fan, just nailed me with his 1-1-1 for "Lady Meadowland." Wonder if it's the old CBS censor who tried to stop the Stones from singing "Let's Spend the Night Together" on Ed Sullivan, or the Doors from "Girl we couldn't get much higher" on that show, or Pete Seeger from "Waist deep in the big muddy and the big fool says to push on" on the Smothers Brothers' show? Nah, can't be, somebody like that would never get on a site as hip as Amiright, and would cower in terror if he met a rapier-sharp wit like Mike Armstrong for real. Mike Myers as Dr. Evil was wrong: There IS something more pathetic than an aging hipster, and that's an aging guy who was never hip in the first place. That's you, Mr. 1-1-1. Roll THAT in your joint and smoke it!
John Harvey - March 03, 2003 - Report this comment
How come Tom Ridge doesn't have a color coded warning system for the 1,1,1 loser? You know, rated from "The fives will rain down" to "Maybe you should wait until next week to post a parody".
Sarah - March 13, 2003 - Report this comment
5,5,5 from me. many people give me ones because of my hatred of certain singers. they don't understand!
Arielle (aka the Little Mermaid) - May 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Well , ne ways lets get to the point...nice parody! Obviously this coward didnt vote, so rock on!
kelaal - May 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Very true.... but now that person is gonna get annoyed and rate THIS song a 1,1,1.
Urillia - May 13, 2003 - Report this comment
Hey, Mr. "Bastard", whoever you are, I hope the worms come at night.
Amanda - May 28, 2003 - Report this comment
I give it 5,5,5
nybLATINO - June 19, 2003 - Report this comment
hey, don't ever be worried about his comments again. He's probably on some chat room talking to some 50 year old woman he thinks is some hot 23 year old babe. 5,5,5
Michael Pacholek - June 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Don't you mean "some 50-year-old MAN he thinks is some hot 23-year-old babe"?
Ryan - June 22, 2003 - Report this comment
So true...I hate those jerks who give people 1,1,1, and this is really a GREAT parody...5,5,5 all the way
Jared - June 25, 2003 - Report this comment
I think this guy's zapped me as well...I'm pretty sure he hit "Stupidman" with his 1,1,1 sledgehammer...go vote on it and dig me out of this hole...PLEASE!!!
Tinkleheimer - August 17, 2003 - Report this comment
5,5,5 This is the best one ever
Mike (Mike Armstrong) - August 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Thank you Tinkleheimer - it's refreshing to get a positive post instead of people searching this site just to find something to get up in arms about. I'll be sure to check out your songs if you have any on the site.
Marisa - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
yeah, i love the song. Its good. It seems to me that when people cut out the harsh swearing they tend to search for better words and it ends up explaining their feelings better. But frankly, Mike did that pretty dang well. He didnt swear THAT much, for the most part jsut the same repeated phrase. It doesnt lower my opinion of his parody.....i read it, didnt i? Great job, mike. Keep 'em coming.
... aka Ellipsis - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
I notice that 26 people have already attacked this parody with straight ones. How could they do such a thing? Well, I suppose they'd do it if they don't LIKE the parody, but why would they put 1 for pacing, when most of us agree that it certainly meets the pacing more or less? I've been wondering about that for a mighty long time.
... - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
By the way, I'm gonna give this parody straight 5s.
wdh - November 10, 2003 - Report this comment
Yes, perhaps an interesting idea for Chucky would be to have a system where you cant vote a certain percent lower than the total score. C'mon, 20 votes of 5-5-5 and then a 1-1-1 is obviously unrealistic. Dunno if this idea is possible, but you never know.
Guy - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Something like this could be done by computing the votes by not counting the lowest vote and the highest vote for one vote each. The votes would stay marked but they would not be averaged unless the song only got one or two votes. This way the one's guy would be giving someone a vote for total but not affecting any averages.

Stick it in your ear one's guy.
JJ - December 03, 2003 - Report this comment
I would say something, but everyone has said it already multiple times. . . what the hell, I'll say it ne way. Best parody on the site, 5,5,5.
ALL 1's Guy - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
You're RIGHT, I have been acting like a bastard, and I feel terrible about it now. I had no idea how stupidly I was behaving. I guess I was just jealous of all you talented writers who use your gift to spread laughter to others. Me, I guess I don't have a life. I just sit alone night after night in this seedy apartment, with no furniture, and only the glow of the computer screen to keep me warm. But that's no excuse. I promise to mend my ways, and change all those 1's to 5's, 'cause you guys deserve them. - Okay so this isn't really from the 1's guy . . . but don't we all feel a little better now?
Mari D - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Why do you all think that the 1s guy is just one guy? Maybe it's several guys, or one bipolar guy who on alternate days gives all 5s.
Gary Main - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
is the pacing attack that put me onto that loser to begin with. dont like a word i said? fine. hate it overall fine. but if the words fit the tune, why give it 1s, its pretty darn hard to make sense out of some of these tunes originally, and then to make it say something totally different, and still use the same musical score, well hey, GOOD LUCK. I have gotten pretty arrogant at times, largely because i dont know ANYONE personally that can top me or my brothers at this cool game. On this national scale with basically only similar types in here, i am only another pair of shoes. and then this All 1s guy comes along, and with almost no regard, pisses on the thing. I have a solution.. Subtract a full vote and a 1 from every category. every song judged. then the all 1 guy if he is a writer only hurts his own work. if not then either way he is hurting the ones he does like.
Joe - December 05, 2003 - Report this comment
There's probably a lot of ones guys. I mean, look at all the ones this parody received in comparison to the other numbers. The ones kinda "semi-dominate", if you will. There are probably so many that we can't track 'em all down. I give this parody all fives. :)
JJ - December 07, 2003 - Report this comment
It could be a girl. Sorry, just being politically correct.
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - December 07, 2003 - Report this comment
I want to take this opportunity to thank everyon that has voted for this song pushing it into the top 10 overall in the history of the site. It's amazing to me to see how one night of frustration can lead to a top 10 overall hit. Thanks again everyone.
Freedom Rock - December 10, 2003 - Report this comment
The all 1's guy-if he/she is still around, which I believe they are-has destroyed my average on this site, and this is one way to express our opinions on this AmIRight terrorist. I know he/she's still around, in fact, because anybody who votes 1-1-1 for "Oh Mr. T" by Claude Prez is the most corrupt voter I've ever seen.
Mike (Mike Armstrong) - December 10, 2003 - Report this comment
Damn, this song caught its 2nd wind, I don't know how, or why, but it did. Thanks to those who have voted on it thus far.
The Lost Dude - December 12, 2003 - Report this comment
See any of my songs, he's there. We'll just have to write loads of songs about him until he flushes himself down the toilet.
JJ - December 26, 2003 - Report this comment
OR SHE! It could be a girl!
ZSGhost - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Not suprisingly, about 30 people gave this ones. MAybe its a whole gang...
Paul Robinson - January 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Mike - DKTOS and I honestly would have passed on this one anyway because it isn't as clever as it could have been had you nixed the "WHAT AN ASS" lines and found a more subtle way of putting it. I'm not a prude but sometimes I'm kind of a prick about this. My personal position is that cuss words lose their power and become trite and kind of boring and juvenile when used too often in a repetitious way, even if you use all CAPS!! I do like the idea of answering the "1-derer" with a parody but I think the best way to reply to him is to display your sharpest, clearest, and best thought-out writing to highlight and contrast the difference between a person who can think and express themselves well and then proudly put their name next to the finished product and a slinking, mean-spirited cretin who creeps out of the shadows and gets some sort of moronic pleasure annoying people who have worked hard to create something others can enjoy. Well, just my soapbox is creaking and groaning under the weight of my complaint so it's time to get off and move on. Thanks for your time...
Jacob - March 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Great parody Mike, 5's all round from me. I just stumbled onto amiright and so i haven't had the opertunity to have a really good look at it. The thing that i noticed right away though was that lots of people are willing to take the time to post really constructive thoughtfull commments about other peoples work. A rating is just a number, and for all the hard work that you guys who write this stuff put in, you deserve better feedback than that. Fortunately, its obvious by the number of people who have given you 5's that your hard work is truely appreciated. You've got some funny stuff out there Mike, well done and keep it up. I'm off to go read some more!
Michael McVey - March 16, 2004 - Report this comment
My gosh, he/she has been here 34 times!!! This isn't Chicago, though, so I only have one set of 5's to contribute to this great effort. -- MM
Michael McVey - March 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Don't worry, y'all, I'm getting him/her tomorrow :-E
Gonfunko - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but I'm glad to see that someone's standing up to the EVIL 1's organism (It could be a pigeon that walks around on the keyboard) Here's an idea: Why not just eliminate the 1's choice? I mean, have you ever seen a song that actually DESERVED all 1's? That'd annoy the one's dude (or dudette)!
EmiLoca - March 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Amen! And all 5's. Hilarious, just hilarious.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Forgive my poor uncultured Australian self, I've never heard this song, but this parody is for a great cause (as is if anyone's Okay, I'll go on.) I think there should be a 5s task force. Anyone who has been hit by the 111's dude gets ten people voting 5's to amend it. Eh? EH?! I'll go back to TV.
Ethan Mawyer - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
If people could get 10 fives automatically for a ones vote a lot of them would probably vote themselves all ones... but it would be nice if people didn't give ones for mysterious reasons or stupid ones like liking the original artist
John Jenkins - March 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Not sure why I haven't voted and commented on this parody before, but it got to #6 on the all time best parody list without my vote, which was well deserved. Too bad the lists are going away. Very good parody.
Meriadoc - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
I never voted on it because I DKTOS, but I got a copy for the contest... Good job, 4-4-5.
Peregrin - April 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Me too, 4-5-5. Good job Mike
Guy - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS - Man there are a lot of votes on this song. Must make that one's guy pretty happy to see that he is noticed out here. Good luck, Mike in the ABC competition.
neminem - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
The bleeping bleep? I fully expected *a* triplet of 1s, but why more than that? What losers would think it was funny to give such a great parody 1s? This song is definitely better than (spam) my similarly themed parody ( which I just thought I'd mention... 5/5/5.
2nz - April 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Your honor, everything that guy just said is bull-$*&? and his one's actually stand for 5's. He just keeps filling in the complete left side of the voting sheet and can't seem to stop himself/itself. I consider that if a song gets a visit from this person, that song is probably pretty damn good to inspire such hatred. So I take it as a complement. I've avoided commenting on this before, being a sworn enemy of anything that gets this many votes. But not until recently did I get to see the Mike behind the voting phenomenon. G/J is what I'm trying to say :cD
Paul Robinson - April 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Mike - my position is still the same as Jan.26th but you don't really need a vote from me here anyway, it's gotten plenty of attention. I see the "one-ster" was creeping around the site a bit today, by the way. - April 08, 2004 - Report this comment
So I'm the 237th person to vote on this? Wow. I try not to pull my hair out over low votes, but I understand where you're coming from. Good work.
Claude Prez - April 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Not too familiar with the original but I'm down with the sentiment so I threw my fives on the pile.
Your Worst Nightmare - April 17, 2004 - Report this comment
All 5's! I got attacked by that guy just recently on my Mianus song! Looking at your voting breakdown chart, it seems hordes of 1's people attacked your song.
kovonin - June 07, 2004 - Report this comment
actually, i think the onester is bi.
... - August 03, 2004 - Report this comment
I guess the votes didn't get obliterated on this one.
D. Pietras - August 29, 2004 - Report this comment
I really can't stand the ones who vote that way b/c they disagree with someone politically. All "onesters" are little maggots who crawl around looking to knock people down so they can feel big. The political operatives are worse because they're devious. How did the 37 of them get powerful enough to knock this gem off the all-time list?
Gary Main - August 31, 2004 - Report this comment
try this one
Whatsamattau? - December 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I love it! 5-5-5. Just got hit by the 1 *nazi* myself. Great parody & glad to see the nazi couldn't bring u down...
Marianne E. B. Markham - December 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I believe I'm no exception when getting hit by the all-1's-person. If I see an all 1's on "Pizza Drive" out of Atomship's "Pencil Fight" (my newest, soon to come parody on here) then that's insane. I know the pacing matches pretty well to the original, and I think it's pretty damn funny. "WHAT AN ASS" Heh, just had to quote that. all 5's you're getting from me because I totally agree with you. :)
Hil - January 08, 2005 - Report this comment
This parody is FABulous. Sometimes song parodies can be a little tedious, but this one rocked my socks off. Great job! I gave it a 5,5,5.
Troy - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Fantastic parody, thanks for putting me onto that from my "People rating unfairly" thread. I don't know the original song but your parody is a real cack taking the piss out of those wankers who keep giving good parodies 1s without comment, so all 5s from me!!! Those bastard stupid immature dickheads who vote 1s with no comments deserve a damn good hiding to my opinion!!!
Paul Robinson - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I don't now the OS so I'm not voting, but you cracked me up with this one, Mike...noticed it in the recent thread about Herman "Onester:...
Shan - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
i know the real song and man yours was much better! all 5's from me baby.
Andrew Darwitan - February 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, I like it. 5 5 5 ^_^ Hey, thanks for voting on my parody (Oops!... I Screwed My Record Producer Again). I see your comment and I search for your name and see most of your parodies are rated 4.##, nearly to 5. I'm so glad someone experienced like you gave a comment to a newbie like me. (yeah, I'm still a newbie, even though I'v e wrote 35 parodies. But it's just only 2 months and half when I first started.) Yup! I know there's some persons rate us 1 1 1 continuosly. For some of mine, it's ok. Some of my parodies are sux, especially from my very first one. But there's some parodies I like that they rated 1 1 1, and they don't leave any comment. If we're really bad, why don't they guide us to a better writing structure? My averages are still 2, close to 3. I know I'm not very good. And I accept 2 2 2. But 1 1 1 is really unimaginable. It means like: 1 = Sux!! Hate it. S/he can't write any parody. 2 = Plain, boring. 3 = Pretty cool. 4 = Wow! I like it so much. 5 = Completely perfect!! So, 1 1 1is really unacceptable except if the parody is really bad.
Ripp - June 18, 2005 - Report this comment
SOME PEOPLE VOTED THIS 1,1,1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will - August 24, 2005 - Report this comment
You ain't seen nothing... My catalog has at least 5,000 1-1-1 votes. Even the non-political parodies. Don't assume that this is the work of one person. There are probably several copycat vandals.
aaron - November 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I hope the 1,1,1 cowardS read this parody and these comments so they can see how much they are disliked (cuss all you like : ) thats 3 fives 4 me, btw; the original is mad and you proved it worthy!
Cat - November 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Aargh...just got 1ed today. But this is excellent!

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