I get to the gate at LAX, have to fly to Michigan
Girl at the counter sees my excess, thinks my fat ass won’t fit in
She says the seats on the plane are only designed
For a person with a normal sized behind
Says I need two tickets
So I tell her where to stick it

My tummy’s rumblin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda hungry
Always happens when I’m angry
That’s when I see McDonalds in the terminal

And the “Open” sign is on
And the “Open” sign is on
And the “Open” sign is on

So I put my hands up, they’re makin’ my lunch
The rumbling’s gone away
I’m noddin’ my head like “Yeah!”
Lickin’ my lips like “Yeah!”

Got two Big Macs, I’m eatin’ my lunch
You know I’m gonna be okay
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!

Enter the club on a Friday night, everybody’s lookin’ at the door
Sayin’ “Who’s that freak with the triple chin? He gonna dent up the floor”
So hard when the girls just ignore me
I’m being told that I’m ruining the party
Knockin’ people down with my wide hips
When I dance, I make the band skip

My tummy’s rumblin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda hungry
Always happens when I’m lonely
So I go outside and see Taco Bell

And the “Open” sign is on
And the “Open” sign is on
And the “Open” sign is on

So I put my hands up, they’re makin’ my snack
The rumbling’s gone away
I’m noddin’ my head like “Yeah!”
Lickin’ my lips like “Yeah!”

Got two tacos, I’m eatin’ my snack
Another dozen’s on the way
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!

America is too obese (too obese)
Or a third of us at least (third at least)
Kind of news makes me uptight (me uptight)
Until I stuff my face and I feel alright

So I put my hands up, they’re makin’ my lunch
The rumbling’s gone away
I noddin’ my head like “Yeah!”
Lickin’ my lips like “Yeah!”

Double Whopper, I’m eatin’ my lunch
You know I’m havin’ it my way
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!

So I put my hands up, they’re makin’ my lunch
The rumbling’s gone away
I’m noddin’ my head like “Yeah!”
Lickin’ my lips like “Yeah!”

Fifty Sliders, and then for dessert
Three Blizzards and a Peanut Parfait
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!
Yeah! We’re portly in the USA!