I got the phone bill on the 1st of the month
it was $653
I did a double take, I couldn't believe at first
But then, I remembered all my fun
with my mistress, Ms. Sandi
When reality set in, it almost made me hurt
I don't look too good
I don't smell to good
I can't do all the things that the other guys do to soothe their manhood

It's been lonely, horny, really boring
laying alone in my bed each night
til I was dialing, smiling, panting, sighing
really having myself a time
Why, she even called me sexy, it was such a miracle
I've been humping, pumping, pillow lovin'
and i'm sure I would be still
but that was until
I got the phone bill

Oh God, I'll have to work two jobs
to try and get this phone bill paid
and I started crying like I hadn't cried since I don't know when
"Me So Horny" was my favorite song while I'd masterbate
What's really bad is that I'd still like to do it again

It's been lonely, horny, really boring
laying alone in my bed each night
til I was dialing, smiling, panting sighing
really having myself a time
Why, she even called me sexy, it was such a miracle
I've been humping, pumping, pillow lovin'
and I'm sure I would be still
but that was until
I got the phone bill

A 900-line out of California
I blame them for the shape I'm in
Oh, and if I could find somebody's wallet
that would sure be such a gift
My long distance provider, they are just so cruel
they'd written on the paper
"by the 15th, this is due"

I've been humping, pumping, pillow lovin'
and I know that I would be still
but that was until...

I got the phone bill on the 1st of the month
it was $653