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Song Parodies -> "Happy 17th Birthday, Emi! (Finally, You're Legal!)"

Original Song Title:

"Cry Me A River"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Justin Timberlake

Parody Song Title:

"Happy 17th Birthday, Emi! (Finally, You're Legal!)"

The Lyrics

Two figures silhouetted in a car at 11:55pm, twiddling their thumbs.
You were too young.*
Pubescent squirt.
A cute little urchin with 8 o'clock curfew.
D'oh...
Such black-book romance,
Afraid that it's banned.
So I just abandoned schemes of wayward kid-pashing now.
Oh...

You were underage.
Such a kid.
Your hair in a bow,
Wore floaties to SWIM!
Flower underpants?
You'd ruin me,
For two-to-three.
But, oh, today that ban is outed!

You've sold your hush puppies,
Learned how to weewee on your own.
Your development's speedy,
No more dollies, you're all grown.
Built to seduce. A lustfulness infused
In both of your eyes.
This fledgling's matured into a hot bird.
...alright!

Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)

Yeah, yeah...

I know that the age of sixteen would have me in the red.
This bastard, Luke Brattoni, stalks the rim 'til you've grown up.
(Then cracks open the Trojans!)
Once seventeen, you're "much older",
Can mess around in bed.
(Make like jam and spread!)
It's government policy.
Everyone must condone it.
'kay...

Now at seventeen,
You're legit.
Here's a video.
Rewound from the END!
Now when I advance,
When wooing thee,
The sex decree,
Condones your age, the state allows it!

You're old... well 'enough', see.
It used to peeve me loads and loads.
Now you're allowed to breed free,
'Nought to naughty'? Who'd have known?
Would be abuse, if I'd tried to seduce
You before this time.
One minute you're barred... next you're within law.
Uh, right...

Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Yeah, yeah...

*silhouetted hand reaches out at 11:58pm, is slapped by government official in the back seat*

"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta hunt within season."
"No!" (No?)
It's illogic, bunk, hardly displaying reason!
"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta be seventeen, man."
"No!" (No?)
Such measures are bunk and are based so naively!

No-no yesterday.
"Just a kid."
"She's not ready yet."
"Much too young and DIM!"
"When the little hand
Touches the big,
THEN you can frig!"
Oh, don't try making sense out of it...

Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)

Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)

I'm now in prison... Oh.
Time zones were different... Oh.
Nineteen hours early... Oh.
"Fry him, the pervert!" Oh... woah...
* http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm and then scroll, with scroll button.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 0
 
 4   3
 2
 3
 
 5   7
 7
 7
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ethan Mawyer - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
17's not legal in the USA. Another year for that
Dominic L. - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow, I wish I had a parody all about me... I would vote, but gladly, I don't remember the original song. (Gladly because I don't like the song, not the parody)...
Stuart McArthur - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
I dunno if the subtle hard-to-get approach is working, Luke - maybe she's not picking up on your true intentions

(and I take it then that "gimme gimme gimme that girl after midnight" is still up for grabs?) - 555
Ordinary Guy - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Actually, 16 is legal in some parts of the USA, and we just recently had a case involving some twenty-something guy and 13-year-old girl getting married in Nebraska. (What's legal depends on the state, though. See that list Mr. Ralphing provides for the details.)
Red Ant - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Happy Birthday EmiLoca.
iisryan - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know the original song well enough to know how well it matches up but it's funny and a very clever idea. Good job!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh drattikins. I submitted this around 7pm Saturday but it managed to get into the Saturday lot anyway. My birthday message is hence a premature ejaculation...
Stuart McArthur - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
nah, still too subtle, matey...
EmiLoca - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
(19 hours later) I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME! This was truly worth the wait. Now come here, you asinine beast.
Kat - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Both of you have GOT to express your love somewhere else (disapproving stare, like that of a parent).
Johnny D - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Congratulations on your impending nuptials, EmiLuke & BrattoniLoca !
Michael Pacholek - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
And another case of Olsenitis (also known as Lohanaphyria) is cured... but that cure doesn't take effect here for another year. Oh well, at least we can write good parodies about it. Or, at least, Jake can.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 04, 2005 - Report this comment
"I slept with the Olsen twins before they were famous."
Scrubbing Bubbles - September 05, 2005 - Report this comment
"Ice leapt from the Cold-Sin Twins before Jaker laid us."
Michael Pacholek - September 06, 2005 - Report this comment
What, Jake, were you in the next bed over in the maternity ward?
MICHAEL - December 29, 2005 - Report this comment
YO I'M OUTTA HERE GOODBYE & ILL LET U CRY 1 MORE TIME.
Agrimorfee - February 15, 2006 - Report this comment
(luv contest '06) i think we have a winner here (havne't read 'em all yet). This was cool, and sick in a Zappa-circa-200 Motels way, and seemed so true to life (though we know it wasn't :) ). 555 more for JAR(LB).
Rick C - February 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(Amiright in Love Contest 2006) EXCELLENT PARODY, LUKE! This line just busted me up.."*silhouetted hand reaches out at 11:58pm, is slapped by government official in the back seat*" Higher than fives.
bobpiecheese - February 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(LUVCOMP) I'm thinking either Luke did his research and found at the age limit in USA, or 17's the limit in his home country: Australia. Well done, Luke.
Matthias - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
I could see Justin Timberlake that Half Time Pervert... I loved the ending!!!! 5-5-5!!!
Stuart McArthur - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(LUV) see above - there are just so many funny ideas and lines in this thing - AND it elicited a marriage proposal - those achievements are hard to beat, Lukey
Johnny D - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(LUVCOMP) See above, you two hormone cases, you! ;-)
M!KEY - February 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Lovin' it 555
S.T.G. - February 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(luvcomp) Luke, you dirty, dirty, boy. But also, a very clever but dirty boy. Great parody
Arwen - February 28, 2006 - Report this comment
LOVE...well if that isn't the most romantic tidbit I've read all night, then I don't know what is.
Larry Hensley - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Funny stuff!
Larry Hensley - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Oops, LUV

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