I left without taking a towel
Said I needed some exercise
He figured I'd gone to the HPER
I talked about it all the time

I swam almost a mile
Before I realized
That I had forgot to bring a towel
But that's all right

"If you want to borrow a towel I've got one
If you think I'm a heterosexual I'm not one
And when you're done with the towel, it goes under there"
"(Under where?)"
"And that's also a good spot to get it on for me and you
And PS, If this is the HPER, I still love you"

I dropped the towel on the floor
I was shocked, but I couldn't believe
What kind of man would come on that strong
What kind of queer that must be

I waited 3 days
'Til I went back again
I cut my workout short
Swam 10 laps and then

"If you've got a towel for me I've got one
If you think I'm a queer I'm not one
Man even if I was, you're wasting your time
I'm not blind
And you're not allowed to take my picture
In the locker room
And PS, If this is the HPER, I don't love you."

So he gave me his number, but not another word
So I called him later on to see what he wanted
And this is what I heard:

"If you're callin' 'bout my towel it's still yours
I guess you should have used it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken you so long
To ruin another song
And by the way boy, this is no virgin you're talking to
Can't you tell, This is the HPER, And I still love you."