Guns don't kill people, rappers do
Fearne smells of poo, woo, woo, woo.

Guns don't kill, rabbits do.

Guns don't kill people, rabbis do.

She rings the police 40 times every day!

Sucking off and tenners

I wana take you to mc donalds with a candle

I'll never want another like I want you
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo - on my b*llocks
I was gonna have your name
but I only got initials
'cos I couldn't stand the pain

Oh son, your missus is a nutter?

Your mother's got a p****

A bag of Space Raiders,
or Walkers,
or Smiths,
or maybe even Quavers!

I wanna go gold, even better platinum
If you wanna be a star, you gotta kill yourself, man!

Suicide is famous
And it's 80% sure to make you famous

I seen you last night, you were drinkin' in the
pub, You were drinkin' with that bird you tried to chat up in the nightclub, Can't say
her name but she's got a gammy eye,
And I'm feeling near her violence when I
have to walk on by, You can't deny it, it's
something you can't miss, That bird
thats hangin' out with you is mad like
cats p***, Like bread and jam or a knife
drawn with butter, Face it son, your
missus is a nutter!

I never seen a woman make a f*****'
skinhead cry, And I never seen a
woman tryin' to snap an arm with a
thigh, Now I have and its just across
the pub, And the worst thing is, she's
taking you out for a rub, You don't
deserve it, you know it's a fact, But mix
her up with booze you gotta suicide
pact, 2 tequilas and 4 vodka mules,
She's a wrecking ball and her fists are
the tools. Binge drinking, binge drinking
tried keeping up with your missus,
What was I thinking? She looks like
Caprice, But it's a shock to see her
wrestling 2 police, With one in a
headlock! Fighting with bouncers and
flashing her bits, After too flamin'
sambucas she dont care who she hits,
Waking up on Sunday morning
with bruises and cuts, Face it son, your
missus is nuts!
It was last week, what really got me thinking,
About how your missus goes
nuts when we go drinking, Last week,
she ended up on a binge, she
got off her t***, And showed the
bouncers her minge, And it's the threat
of grievous bodily harm, She needs to
keep calm, And use her charm, I used
to think it was funny, It made me laugh,
When she threw the ash trays at
the bar staff. Stabbed a man with a
comb, just to get a drink, Theres no
logic, just stand there Drink, fight, drink,
fight, drink She grabs your throat, and
stares into your eyes, Have you ever
seen a woman kill a man with her
thighs? Oh son, your missus is trouble,
Everytime you have a drink she has a double, Is she on pukkas? I think shes
tripping? Stop lookin' at me love it's water
what I'm sippin'.

1: Half Man Half Machine: He tries to sell himself Standing in Currys 2: Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do: From Bristol Zoo to B&Q! 3:You Knows I Loves You: I bought you this necklace It cost me 12 pounds from Argos