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Song Parodies -> "Why Can't The Fiddle Be More Like I Am? ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', 14/16)"

Original Song Title:

"A Hymn To Him/Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"Why Can't The Fiddle Be More Like I Am? ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', 14/16)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

(not enough room in OS box to format properly both actual OS title and the more-commonly-known-as: "A Hymn To Him (Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man?)" ... sorry. Same with parody title.
If you have not yet read Scene 13, please read that Scene first.

If you missed the start of our parody of the entire musical on Wednesday, September 30, 2009, please enjoy it in order!

Scene 1 is here.
Scene 2 is here.
Scene 3 is here.
Scene 4 is here.
Scene 5 is here.
Scene 6 is here.
Scene 7 is here.
Scene 8 is here.
Scene 9 is here.
Scene 10 is here.
Scene 11 is here.
Scene 12 is here.



In our last exciting episode, Ms. DoFiddle yelped at the yoke of the slave-driving Professor Turtle. She vowed to escape from that yoke, write her own yokes -- uh, jokes -- and her own entire rhymes, for that matter, and hied off in a huffy hissy fit.

Professor Turtle, of course, cannot understand such ingratitude, when he has spent most of his waking hours trying only to help her. He turns for reassurance to his friend, Colonel Nitpickering, asking: Is he really the slave-driver she makes him out to be? Is he not truly a kind and decent man, so generous with his time and attention? Why does Ms. Fiddle feel this way? Why can't she see things from his point of view?



TT:
What in all of Heaven could have prompted her to split?
Really! -- The unmitigated gall!
With my know-ledge, blessed her
Thought I had impressed her
I cannot grok the little twit at all!

Fiddlegirl's irrational! She thinks that she's "all that"!
Her stresses stink; her pacing often lags!
I give her my elucidating, educating, elevating,
Cultivating Five-ly-rating exegeses, but she calls them "nags"!

Nitpickering, why can't the Fiddle be more like I am?

COL. NITPICKERING:
I beg your pardon?

TT:
Yes! Why can't the Fiddle be more like I am?
Tactful but honest; I really do care
Forgiving of error; folks' feelings, I spare
To your song, I'll always Five and tip my hat
Why can't the Fiddle ... be like that?

Tell her there will never be another "her"
Can't the Fiddle learn what I have said?
Why is she complaining that I smother her?
Why does she throw up ... call me a bother; a dread?

Why can’t her manners ... be more like TT's?
Always so pleasant, and never would tease
Why, ev'ryone loves him; so easy to please

Do AmIRighters really think I need cold showers?

NP:
Of course not!

TT:
Are they livid if I write of bonking ewes?

NP:
Nonsense!

TT:
And are they sickened by my talk of virgins’ flowers?

NP:
Never!

TT
Well, why can't the Fiddle ... be a flooze?

Quite the vaudevillian, no doubt of it
Now and then, so gent-ly, he corrects
Some, of his uncouthfulness, will pout a bit
But - known by all ... to be the Master of Lex

Why can't the Fiddle - be more like I am?
I'm always so friendly at sharing my mind
Well-lettered companion, polite and refined

If I were scouring for quim, sir, would you bellow?

NP:
Of course not!

TT:
If I worked hard to make your mirth play, would you fuss?

NP:
Nonsense!

TT:
Is she the "Sally" to my "Tom" at Monticello?

NP:
Never!

TT:
Well, why can't the Fiddle ... be like us?

Why can't the Fiddle ... be more like TT?
Never indecent; avoiding all flaps
Never a yelp, de-spite anyone's lapse
Buddy to ChuckG, yup! Exemplary, become
Why won't the Fiddle ... just succumb?

Why is pacing something Fiddle never gets?
And why do all her syllables collide?
Ones and Twos from AIR are all she ever gets
Why won't she .... study and say "yes" to my Guide?

Why can't the Fiddle ... behave as I do?
My ratings are zooming; my writings enthrall
I'm hailed as an expert, by one and by all

Would I start b*tching when my knowledge, I am showing?
Or carry on at fine-tooth comb wrought by TT?
Would I stomp off forever; stop my brain from growing?
Why can't the Fiddle ... be like me?



Will Ms. Dofiddle come to her senses and return, grateful for the Turtilian tutorials? Tune in for our next exciting episode, and find out!


© 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Well, I'll be dashed! ;D
alvin - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
fiddle dee dee...like the way you've fiddled with it...anxiously awaiting the grand finale
Christie Marie M - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
(Applauds): Bravo! Hmmm...Why can't the fiddle be more like a turtle? I wonder. Seems that she doesn't cater to constructive criticism very well! On the last act, she thought she had improved on her talents as a parodist. It also seems that the Turtle had been writing parodies for a long time and knew what he's talking about. Most teachers/professors don't take credit on a hard work well done if the student succeeds. And if students fail on the test, they not only hold the students responsible, they also hold themselves responsible for the way they taught their students. Now I know how TT reacted to FG's last act! Fiddle with 555 stars! Another great rendition well done, you two!
TJC - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Another truly lexcellent addition to your expandin' n' outstandin' oeuvre!

Wondered how yewe tewe'd handle the OS's classic female-denigration riff--and with: "I give her my elucidating, educating, elevating, Cultivating Five-ly-rating exegeses, but she calls them "nags"!" I was *not* disappointed!!

Similarly, 'ewes'/'flooze' and 'Tom n' Sally'/Montecello', among many others, were unexpected and inspired (that choice of phrase *wasn't meant to imply it was unexpected that you inspired... (heh!))

Until tomorrow's final coda! Ciao bella! (no, not yewe, Tommy... your curvaceous cohort!)
John Barry - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
You two are definitely not fiddling around.
Timmy1000 - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Looking forward to the final chapter as they seem to be at an impasse at this point in time. The two today really show the differences of the two well.
Fiddlegirl - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
OMR: Would you mind giving a quick call to the Home Office for us? :D

Alvin: Nice compliment-- thanks!

CMM: Constructive criticism? Actually, the Professor and Eliza had an interesting discussion about that very thing just yesterday... (No worries-- it's all good.) Thanks for v/c! :)

TJC: The "elucidating, etc." line was *all* TT-- and my fave, too! :D (and what a nice compliment!)

John: That's what you think... (oops-- I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?)

T1K: Aren't you on pins and needles in suspense? ;) Thanks for hanging in there with us!
The Elucidator (a/k/a The Turtlator, or The Turtleateher) - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: I'm still under some pressure to get the final installments formatted and in, so I may have missed any pun or ref other than as one of the Col.'s lines -- explain? But thanks anyway!

alvin: ditto FG!

Christie Marie M: "And if students fail on the test, they not only hold the students responsible, they also hold themselves responsible for the way they taught their students."

The real-life TT has taught many different subjects in many fields, ranging from private academic tutoring and SAT/ACT prep, to business, to athletics, to others too boring to recite -- but always adheres to the principle of Maria Montessori, namesake of the Montessori schools, that if learning isn't occurring, it's the fault of the teacher, not the student (assuming a willing student.) Hence, the onus on TT to find some better way to explain, demonstrate, analogize, etc. He has a zero failure rate, including with students other teachers had given up on as "hopeless" (in snow skiing), and similar successes in the academic field.

Of course, you know that the story is all fiction (well, "mostly" fiction - TT is an adherent of the Stanislavsky Method of acting, as taught by Strasberg and others, and so has been "in character" for his entire four years here), and you have it perfectly! Thanks as always!

TJC: "classic female-denigration riff" -- Never thought of it that way, but you're right -- as usual -- and your description phrased with wit - as usual. Love yer erudite analyses! ... Returning FG's courtesy, "Monticello" was her idea, and both of us had some trepidation over whether the ref would be missed -- but there's always TJC, for whose appreciation both are eternally grateful! ... Of course there's no misunderstanding in the closing remark: TT would be "bello". (Ewe've not gotten than point in Spanish yet, either, 'ave ewe? :-D ... silly languages, to assign gender to tables and chairs, and to adjectives.)

John Barry: I stand firmly behind my partner's comment -- *very* firmly, and *right* behind (her behind).

Timmy1000:At an impasse, indeed -- well-put there, young man! What FG said. See ya tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion!
TJC - October 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Sorry to beg to differ Professor, but... it's widely accepted that the *TTruly* masculine form of 'ciao bella' is 'blow ciao'! }-)
TT - October 09, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Ahhh, you weren't speaking in *ordinary* Italian (how mundane - of course you wouldn't!), you were speaking in Turtalian! I should have realized ... my bad! :Thanks for, uh, "point"-ing that out!-D
blackjack21 - October 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Nags, indeed. I will ask again: How *does* that Professor tear his beak away from the mirror each day? ;-D Sending 555 funhouse mirrors to your burrow.
TT - October 11, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: The Prof can withstand your "enhanced interrogation techniques" no longer, shell or no... ok, he'll talk ..... truth: He wears mirrored sunglasses, but unlike most, they're mirrored on the *inside*, so he can stare at his own gorgeous reflection all day. ... there, you've forced it out of him; are ya happy now? ;-)

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