Introduction: What's Santa going to bring various celebs. this year?
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Article by: Billy Parker
Yes, it's that wonderful time of year again. Holiday spirit is in the air. The church bells are ringing. There's a nip in the air. 'Tis the season for giving. Decisions decisions for what to give. This is so hard for the elite. What do you give someone who has more than you can ever dream of? Of course Santa surfs the Internet looking for clues for that perfect gift for entertainment headliners. One must be creative. 2004 was another special year in the music and entertainment industry. Let's try to make a list of gifts for some of our favorite people.
Jennifer Lopez---What do you give the girl who seems to have everything? A $400,000 Bentley, Oceanfront property, enough jewelry to make Tiffany's envious. And of course a handsome, rich and famous husband. One needs to comb through the entire enterprise to find the one thing missing. Just a little something for Christmas that People and Us and the National Inquirer failed to notice.--A JOB!
Nick Lachey--And what do you give the guy whom seems to have everything? A great job. A drop dead gorgeous wife. Cash, cars, the works. How about a little something to take along for those night out with the boys? ---A bag of skittles.
Clay Aikens--A little novelty gift for the gameroom--An electrostatic ball. Or is the dressing room?
Justin Timberlake--More Christmas cookie acts. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!
Ashlee Simpson--A gift to put an end to it all. A microphone that works.
Whitney Houston--Enrollment in driver's Ed classes. (Discounts for couples!)
Britney Spears--Britney should get anything her little heart desires. Lord knows her husband can't afford to get her anything. "Honey, can I borrow a few million to go Christmas shopping?"
Michael Jackson--Michael needs a fancy sign in book to keep track of all the guests he has at his Neverland home. Underprivileged children, cops, DNA experts, collection agencies for attorneys.
R.E.M.--This year's group to receive the paperwork to release a commercial box set.
Elton John--Airline ticket to the orient that doesn't stop in Taiwan.
Cher--A recording of the theme song to the children's show (Shari Lewis's) "Lambchop". Yes, that old sock knows a thing or two about farewell tours. "This is the tour that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends!"
Lisa Marie Presley--Stuff her stocking with some of the crap that has her father's name on it. But selling off the majority of the Elvis name, Lisa feels she has found the company that can help maximize (i.e. sell more junk) the Elvis name and revenue. Heaven helps us.
Queen--A good luck card. By hooking up with Paul Rodgers, Queen will begin a tour and bring to life music that has been dormant for too long.
Hillary Duff & Lindsay Lohan--A pair of boxing gloves. Let's end this once and for all. Can you say "pay per view?"
Gwen Stefani--Britney & Madonna's publicist phone number. Can we see more of you and less of them?
Janet Jackson--Her own line of clothing. Just look at the fashion trend she started at the Super Bowl.
Courtney Love--The perfect book for reflection on her last few years. Lemony Snickets, "A series of unfortunate events."
Victoria and David Beckham--A new religion.
Liza Minnelli--A padded cell.
As usual we can't cover everybody. Who else deserves a special gift this year? Let us know!
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