Introduction: It's that time again, whose been naughty or nice? Billy Parker tells us who should get what for Christmas this year. Tell us who he missed!
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Article by: Billy Parker
It's that most wonderful time of the year again. Santa is coming to town. As always he knows if you've been bad or good. Only you know in your heart if Santa will be good to you. But for those in the music and entertainment industry Santa only needs to watch TV. For in today's media frenzy world the slightest activity by a celebrity can result in national attention. As always, Santa needs to be creative in order to find the perfect gift. After all we're talking about people who can buy the restaurant so they can fire the waiter if they find him rude. (Or he brought the wrong brand of bottled water.)
Let's take a look at our second annual gift giving festivities.
Michael Jackson--Just a huge bouquets of flowers. Signed--"THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANKS YOU. Love--Kobe.
Britney Spears--With so much wealth and fame she needs what she has secretly desired for a long time. The simplest and most beautiful of gifts. One all guys wish for. A super hot girlfriend.
Madonna--An honorary degree in Elementary Education. Tutoring Britney in the most basic of pop diva longevity. It all boils down to the simplest of female assets. It's elementary my dear Britney. Shock'em before you Rock'em.
Ozzy Osbourne--Get well soon from all your friends throughout the globe.
Jessica Simpson--The three books that could help her career the most. The Dictionary, The Elements of Style and The Cat in the Hat.
Jennifer Lopez--A full length mirror. In the short run the overdrive PR machine is beyond your wildest dreams. In the long run it can echo the devil. Sooner or later it doesn't matter how many times you're in The National Enquirer, who your main squeeze is, what tropical island you vacationed on. You have to back it up with your work.
Bono--This year's legal paperwork to release a box set. O.K. so the rest of the boys will have to sign it too. But come-on! Again, you are the super big time. Help us out. (Bob Segar was last year and didn't listen to me.) A personal request that will probably never happen--Marshall Tucker Band.
Kid Rock--A 1st growth bottle of French wine. Yes Kid, success can bring you greater things in life than free beer.
P. Diddy--An invitation to the Boston Marathon-04. P. Diddy was able to raise more than 2 million dollars for NYC school systems as a result of his intense training and resulting finish in the NYC marathon. It doesn't have to be Boston. Such impact from a physical commitment for charity is commendable anywhere.
Justin Timberlake--Home baked Christmas cookies laced with narcissism. You work with Christina Aguilera by day. Sleep with Cameron Diaz by night. Spend the rest of the time jet-setting the globe. Please give us a reason to bash you. Can't you let it go to your head a little? Do something stupid and really arrogant, please.
DreamWorks--Interscope, Soon to be Sony-BMG music-- All the other music media monsters. A copy of Rolling Stone issue 937--500 Greatest Albums of All Time.---Breakdown by decades--60's --129 70's--190 1990- Present--74. Try putting out some classic music to stop sales slumps. As opposed to corporate consolidation and blaming music downloading.
Paris Hilton--A $100 gift certificate to (whats?) Wal-Mart. Stocking stuffer--A padded bra.
The Rolling Stones--A $50 gift certificate to Best Buy. It would be great to see the boys actually in the only retailer they are allowing their Forty Flicks DVD set to be sold in.
The Elvis Presley Entourage--A safety deposit box in Memphis. "Hey Look!! More undiscovered Elvis recordings!!" We gotta put an album out.
Courtney Love--A good lawyer. No, actually a great lawyer will be most beneficial.
Simon and Garfunkel--A how to journal on reconciliation. One of rock's most acrimonious splits has been heeled for a celebrated tour. Please tell countless legendary bands how you did it.
Phil Spector--A chance to tell his side of the story--The "Let it Be" album story that is. Now that "Naked" has been released.
The music and media industry as a whole--Celebrate this Christmas all the Icons whom we know won't be with us forever. Johnny Cash left us in 03. Say Thank You!!! Before it's too late.
Michael Jackson--Yes, Michael has had a special year this year and deserves another gift--A trip to Disneyland! "Michael, you've just been released from jail! Where are you going now?" Or is it Neverland??
The landscape is far and wide with celebrity gifts. Certainly there are a few "deserving" presents I missed. Who else should Santa add to his special list? I opened the door for selfish Box sets. What are some other personal favorites?
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The next article is: "Psychic Friends New Years 04"
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