Introduction: "And I'm never going back to my old school." Given the time of year, educational plans can absorb much of late summer's activities. But rarely are those in the music and entertainment industry cementing plans for higher education in August. After all, the path to the cover of Rolling Stone is never through "William and Mary."
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Article by: Billy Parker
Secondary education can always be a benefit though. One just has to find the right course. Matching celebrities with the right classroom can be a benefit to all. Let's take a look.
Britney Spears---Intermediate Human Sexuality
(Prerequisite--Introduction to Human Sexuality)
Students will be introduced to a secondary level of human interaction. Satisfaction, Oops, doing it again. The nature of a consistent physical level will be obtained and denied.
Jennifer Lopez---Introduction to UV light and its carcinogen career effect
(Prerequisite---Masters in publicity)
Students will learn the short and long term effect of severe "overexposure." The myths surrounding expensive sunglasses and their look of invulnerability. The dangers of seeking massive amounts of Kodak and Canon sunlight.
Lab---Italian slang--Here students will learn proper pronunciation for slang words such as--Bomb, Turkey, manure, and stinker.
Pete Townsend---Childhood Trauma Research
(Prerequisite---Intro to childhood trauma. *Note-Independent study subject to review.)
Students will advance their previous studies with a controlled group. Special emphasis will be placed on the legal intricacies involving minors.
Lab---Internet research potential and pitfalls.
Mick Jagger---Retirement Securities Analysis
(Prerequisite---Longevity to seventh decade of life)
Students will learn the legal and professional details of post retirement age account activity involving 401K, 403K, Roth IRA and social security planning. The legal ramifications involving age 59.5 retirement planning estates and how they may be liquidated via beneficiaries or paternity lawsuit heirs.
Lab---Social Security studies for American citizens only.
The Osbornes---Advanced Dysfunctional family
(Prerequisite---Intro to dysfunctional family. Financial benefits of a dysfunctional family)
Courting "Obstacles are only opportunities in disguise" as your mantra.
Students will learn to obtain an envious, respected, admired family role. Drug abuse, cancer, teenage angst, vulgar language, will be shown as fodder to further enhance your social status.
Lisa Marie Pressley---Advanced family lineage analysis
(Prerequisite---Intro to music. Intro to theater.)
Students will trace the patterns of conscience and unconscience family behavior. Parental-child relationships will be explored for generation compulsive repetitiveness.
Lab---Matrimonial motives of past Father-Daughter relationships.
(Prerequisite---Intro to Theater (noncredit-pass/fail 101)
A refresher course for those receiving an unsatisfactory grade in Theater 101. Students will be given a chance to "express yourself" in acting basics. "Borderline" students from 101 are also encouraged to enroll.
Lab---Career strengths and personality tests.
Eminen---Intermediate Parody and Public Relations
Students will look at the public relations benefits of self-effacing well-known figures. A strong concentration on entertainment personalities and their relationships with parodies and it's effects on perception and popularity.
Lab---Special guest lecture by Weird Al Yankavic.
Kid Rock---Female relationship patterns
Students will examine the circumstances and implications of a repeated relationship pattern from the same person. Female gender perspective is explored.
Lab--- Videotaping of a male species most vulnerable moments.
Chris Robinson---Domestics for Dad (noncredit)
For the soon to be stay at home dad. Perfect for those couples where dad's career is in flex and mom's just happens to be red hot. Meet many soon to be dads in the same situation.
Lab---Techniques for informing in-laws.
Opportunities abound for all with higher learning. With such a vast landscape of classes, enhanced lives and personnel growth are for practically anyone. Who else can reap the rewards formal education has to offer?
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