Vancou-ver, C'lumbia
Games were held at Whistler
Speedskate, Downhill, halfpipe, and freestyle
Exhilarating at each glance:
On snow and ice; in air, they'd dance
Gold, laden; they were snappy; made us smile

'Twas February by the river
We'd shout "Hurray" as they'd deliver
Bad news for Plushenko
Poor sport to raise a stenk-o

Fans rant: Sven Kramer nearly cried
Pointed by his coach to other side
But US athletes gave us pride
The day they won world- -wide

So my, my, see Americans fly
Hannah Kearney and Seth Wescott [1]
First on podium high
And to good ol' Bode: Gold in Super-Combined [2]
Skating: Shani Davis proved he's "the guy"
Waving all his rivals "bye-bye"

Then Shaun White did tricks we loved
When he flew in space so high above
Twenty-five feet—way to go!
And Lindsey V: Girl, Rock and Roll!
She truly gave her heart and soul
A Bronze and Silver: Weibrecht, Man-cu-so

Well, Oh-no (Apolo)—how 'bout him?
On the short track, record medal win
With Celski, made the news
Came up big for red, white and blue!

The boys on hockey team had foes "pucked up"
With our Ryan Miller guarding goal, with pluck
When all through, down went poor Canucks
Bad day: Score three to five

And we're all singin'
My, my, those Americans: fly
Such a bevy, medals heavy,
More events: Please stand by
Histor-ic silver in the Nordic Combined
Demong, Spillane, and Lodwick here in their prime
Camerota not far behind

Ago four years, Peter-son was thrown
On ass, and out of the Games; "Go Home" [3]
"Get out right now", US did scold
When young Jeret swung for "The Hurricane"
Hist'ry wrote: 'Twas novel for The Games
And some voiced .... that sil-ver should be gold [4]

Oh, and while the Russian pranced around
Lys'cek-ster stole the formal crown
The quad loop, Evan spurned
The verdict: form had earned

And from Evgen's fans, he took new marks [5]
For quad toe practiced, dawn to dark
And deep rang scourges; truth was stark
The day the Russki cried

He was singin'
"Fie! Fie on that Lysacek guy
"I won't settle for my medal; Gold: the judges deny"
Evgeni, boy, try drinkin' less Stolichnay'
Stop flingin' piss, or be that way till you die
Whistler boos and you'll wonder why [6]

Pac and Meyers, in their bobsled flier
Absurd: long shots, but a bronze acquired [7]
At Whistler slide; that ice was fast
No thrown-in tow'l; lots of sass
Aggressive ride; only four surpassed [8]
And the rest just on the sidelines all aghast

Now the ice-dance air was sweet with tunes
Smiling White and Davis made us swoon [9]
A Silver for their dance
Oh, both kept everyone entranced

Lots of "players" in the skating field
But medal stand: refused to yield
In judges' call, it was revealed
That they deduced it right

Knees started swingin':
My, my! See those moguls fly by
Put the pedal to the metal
Bronze, were medals: Good try!
And third-place joys to Shannon Bahrke and By-
ron Wilson; This'll be the day that flags fly
No one, USA, could defy

Oh! Watched Hedrick take his starting place
The "elder statesman": Speed track race [10]
But still prime: left his mark again
Cheered "Come on: Chad be nimble, Chad be quick!"
Bronzed flashed, easy as candy sticks
In-spired "younger devils": Silver win

Oh, and as I watched the judges gauge
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
Apol-o, they'd expel
Their bias, one could smell

'Cause Hamelin, Si-Bak gave the same touch, slight
"Alright", Canuck official's cite
'Twas a blatant gaffe; home crowd, delight
No way! A ruse, they plied [11]

Down track, wingin',
Fly, guys, see that bobsled whiz by
Steven Holcomb, Justin Olsen,
Tomasevicz: Good-bye!
The fourth Gold boy: Steve Mesler; frisky and spry
They're bringin' end to sixty-two years of "dry" [12]
US jinx, these brave guys belie

Our hockey girls were "born to cruise"
And they bashed to Silver: happy news!
(Their "red leaf" rivals won the day)
Greece, on down: it's a sacred lore [13]
Till the Games resumed in '94 [14]
And the men there held a truce so they could play [15]

Yes, nothing beats the winter scene
The athletes vied for heroic dream
A few were quite outspoken
Top perch tells; records broken
But the thing that we admire most:
Canadians were a gracious host
We ought, for great Games, pour a toast
A "Games" of U.S. pride

So, thanks for springin'!
Aye, aye, northern neighbors, good-bye
'Cross the border: keeping order
Ne'er before: such ally [16]
And life's good old joys: Canad'ian whisky and rye [17]
Singin' "Raise your glasses, let's not be shy"
In the house, there's not a dry eye

We leave singin'
"My, my, did Americans fly"
Training: ev'rybody, heavy
Gave their very best try
Our girls and boys will reminisce till they die
London: See you, 2012, in July! [18]




[1] Gold: Women's Moguls and Men's Snowboard Cross

[2] Pronounced "Boh-dee"

[3] After being involved in a drunken altercation one night at the 2006 games, Jeret "Speedy" Peterson was immediately kicked off the team and told to leave.

[4] Unlike our reply to Plushenko, the freestyle "is" a contest about doing your one -- okay, two -- most difficult tricks. No one else had ever even *tried* the Hurricane (5 - count 'em, preferably in slo-mo - *five* twists with three flips) in the Olympics. Peterson tried it in the '06 games, but couldn't land it, and lost. His successful execution of it in the 2010 Games is an historic first. The degree-of-difficulty number was waay above every other contestant, though there were *minor* deductions, but as the announcer said, "You don't get extra points for being the first person ever to do something successfully". Why not?

In 2014, "everyone" will be doing it -- but only because he paved the way.

[5] A "platinum" medal appeared on Plushenko's *own* web site shortly after the event. He says he has no idea who put it on there, and never authorized it. (Techie Turtle: So, exactly how many people are authorized to modify his site? It's not like you or I could just change it. Evil hackers? .... Presumably, the tech webmaster or one of the friends of same. Just sayin'....)

[6] Okay, okay, the ice rink was in Richmond, not Whistler, but once in a while, syllable-matching TOS trumps details. (It's called "playing the poetic license card". ;)

[7] Elana Meyers is a former softball player who never saw the inside of a bobsled until the fall of 2007.

[8] I. e., their Bronze meant that only four women came in ahead: two sleds; two women in each.

[9] Charlie White and Meryl Davis, the latter no relation to speedskater Shani Davis.

[10] Chad Hedrick is 32. His teammates in the Team Pursuit event were about 12 years younger. Hedrick also took a Bronze in the 1000-meter solo, as Shani Davis won Silver in the 1500 meters.

[11] In the mens' 500-meter speedskate, Apolo Ohno laid his hand on the hip of the skater he was passing, a common protective move to prevent collisions. There was no forceful push. The skater, François-Louis Tremblay of Canada, fell. The judges disqualified Ohno. Video replays showed that at various times during the race, the ultimate winner, Charles Hamelin, also Canadian, and the second finisher, Sung Si-Bak of South Korea, had made the identical touches, yet they were not penalized. It was believed by the expert skater/announcer that had Tremblay not fallen, Apolo would not have been DQ'd for that same touch as the others.

Substantial questions of hometown bias were raised, bur not necessarily for not disqualifying the other skaters for the same touch. Rather because Apolo's DQ took away another medal for the US, which was leading in the total medal count, and added a Bronze for Tremblay, who wouldn't otherwise have earned it.

It's possible, IOHO, that Tremblay's fall was deliberate, since he had no chance of medaling, and so gave the (hometown) judges an excuse to DQ Apolo, thus obtaining the Bronze for himself and Canada, and lowering the US medal count.

[12] US hadn't had an Olympic 4-man bobsled Gold since 1948.

[13] The ancient Olympic Games began in 776 BC on Mount Olympus (hence the name) in Greece. They were celebrated until 393 AD., when an earthquake destroyed much of the area around Olympus.

[14] The modern Olympic Games were founded in 1894.

[15] During a celebration of the ancient Games, an Olympic Truce was enacted so that athletes could travel from their countries to the Games in safety. ! Idea ! *We* could try that in *our* world! What a concept!

[16] The border between the US and Canada is the world's longest undefended border -- i. e., no soldiers or military bases stationed along the border.

[17] Spelling difference: Canadian drops the "e" from the US spelling of 'whiskey".
(Aren't you glad you know that now? How did you ever get along before? ;)

[18] Of *course* we're already working on our parody for the next Summer Olympics! (All we need now is the names of the winners ;)