Introduction: Santa Claus is coming to town! Whose on his naughty or nice list? Here's a list of what various rock stars are going to get.
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Article by: Billy Parker
It's the most wonderful time of the year. The holiday spirit is in the air. 'Tis the season for giving. Santa is coming to town. He's checking his list, he knows if you've been naughty or nice. For most of us Santa relies on his magic crystal ball. But for those in the music industry Santa has additional help. Santa subscribes to People magazine and The National Inquirer. This makes his job all the more easy when deciding what gifts to give to those who, on the surface, seem to have everything. But Santa is very creative at gift giving. For those at the top of the entertainment industry he knows the best presents don't always come in a box. Let's take a peek at his list.
Britney Spears--Even more time off. It's O.K. really, we don't mind at all.
Justin Timberlake--A T-shirt that says-"I dumped Her!"
Jennifer Lopez's publicity and marketing manager. --This person deserves whatever their heart desires. Somebody has his or her boss on the cover of every magazine, on every talk show, the cover story of all entertainment TV shows. They have turned the phrase J. LO. Into a merchandising and franchise bananza. All this when half the country doesn't even know what she actually does for a living! That's America!
Eminem--More roles as a leading actor.
Madonna--More lessons in acting.
Michael Jackson--The King of Pop is three fingernails from "manslaughter by drop." He needs a spider bite antidote whose side effects include restoration of parental instinct brain cells. Instead it apparently affects his memory.
Mick Jagger--A vasectomy.
Keith Richards--A complete medical checkup, the results of which will be auctioned off to charity.
Rob Thomas--An honorary degree in Business Communication. By combining 21st century Internet technology with old fashion community service. Proceeds from the download of his holiday single "A New York Christmas" will benefit the Blythdale Children's Hospital in Westchester, New York.
Bobby Brown--A foundation in his honor to explore his breakthrough in the field of mental health. BI-Polar stability through smoking dope. Stocking stuffer: A driver's license.
Bob Segar--All the paperwork necessary for him to sign and release a box set.
Billy Joel--A sweetheart of a girlfriend.
Mariah Carey--A sweetheart of a boyfriend.
Lisa Marie Presley--She needs to meet the one man who is big enough to stand toe to toe with the daughter of the undisputed King of Rock & Roll. Rhett Butler. "Tell me Scarlet (Lisa) there is something that has been troubling me for quite some time now. Do you never stop from marrying men you really don't love?"
Paul McCartney--Ringo Starr's phone number. 2001 saw the loss of another member of the fab four. Ringo's All-Star band is a big hit. Paul's latest tour and DVD is a smash. We still love you guys! There must be some charity/cause you can agree on to benefit from a reunion. A pay-per-view and DVD with the proceeds going to X.
Bruce Springsteen-- A documentary crew to record for all present and future musical generations a "Bible" on live performances. Into his forth decade The Boss still cranks it out while putting in major overtime.
Cher--A documentary crew to record "Diva for decades." Into her 5th decade she always lands on her feet. No matter what she always rises back to the top.
Axl Rose--The complete, At-A-Glance, 2003 professional appointment and organization kit. Comes with day and monthly appointment scheduler, self-management book and daily desk worksheet. Each section has additional refills for the busy Rock Star on the go.
Ozzie Osborne--A "to the nines" white tuxedo complete with pink carnation to host the American Music Awards. This we gotta see.
Van Halen--A record deal. Stocking stuffer: A singer whose voice is much bigger than his head.
David Lee Roth--Jennifer Lopez's publicity and marketing managers phone number. Someone knows the difference between the power of the press and calling a press conference. J. Lo's backing up all the hype with new music and a movie. Sooner or later you have to go to work.
Of course Santa is working very hard this time of year. Sometimes someone slips between the cracks. Is there anyone else you can think of that needs that extra special gift for such a high profile person? Let him know.
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The next article is: "Psychic Friends New Years"
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