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Real Lyrics -> Funniest -> Weird Al Yankovic

These are lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic that we think are kind of funny.

Funniest Lyrics, Weird Al Yankovic

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Weird Al Yankovic's, "A Complicated Song"
The Funny Lyrics:
Why'd ya have to go and make me so constipated?
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated!
In the bathroom, I sit, and I wait, and I sweat, and I clench, and I'll feel the pain!
Oh, Should I take Laxatives, or have my colon irrigated?
No, no, no.
Why They're funny:
Yeah, the day after I was done with the flu in May, I heard this song while going home with the cd, Poodle hat! I was sick for 3 more days.
Submitted by: JoyJoy
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Albuquerque"
The Funny Lyrics:
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms around and just runnin runnin runnin
Why They're funny:
That line reminds me of something a friend of mine would do ... stupid yet funny, just to get laughs. Plus, Weird Al is about the only singer on the face of the planet to get away with lyrics like these.
Submitted by: Elfie
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Amish Paradise"
The Funny Lyrics:
I've been milking and plowing so long,
that even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone.
Why They're funny:
If by 'thinks that Al's mind is gone' he means Ezekiel thinks that he's a 'wacko' then I think that's a pretty accurate description of the person in question.
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Dare To Be Stupid"
The Funny Lyrics:
You'd better squeeze all the Charmin you can
when Mr. Whipple's not around.
Why They're funny:
This is because Mr. Whipple, the spokesman for Charmin's advertising campaign, always told people, "Don't squeeze the Charmin!"
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Eat It"
The Funny Lyrics:
How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, Don't want no Raisin Bran.
Well don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan,
So eat it, just eat it.
Why They're funny:
The third line is amusing because Japan is such a rich country, even at the time this song parody was made.
Submitted by: Ryan Harder
The Funny Lyrics:
Junk keeps arriving in the mail
from that worldwide garage sale.
Why They're funny:
Gee...I never thought of eBay like that before.
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Everything You Know Is Wrong"
The Funny Lyrics:
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes...
Why They're funny:
From the very beginning this song is hilarious just for its sheer randomness, but I kind of think it makes a point too - about the way everyone's always telling you that 'Everything you know is wrong'...!
Submitted by: Adam Wainleft
The Funny Lyrics:
I've got more chins than Chinatown
Why They're funny:
Of course...since "Chinatown" contains only one instance of the word "Chin". But wait...would that mean Al has more than one chin? I thought that every human being had exactly one such part on their body???
Submitted by: Bill
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Generic Blues"
The Funny Lyrics:
My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child.
Why They're funny:
That's Al, folks.
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
The Funny Lyrics:
Gump was a big celebrity
He told JFK that he really had to pee.
He never feels too dumb because,
his mom always told him 'stupid is as stupid does.'
Why They're funny:
I can't imagine anybody telling the president of the United States of America about needing to pee. Like, it's really nobody else's business (no pun intended).
Submitted by: Celeste
The Funny Lyrics:
He told JFK that he really had to pee
Why They're funny:
During this line on the music video, there's a scene that is literally described by this lyric. How apropos! That's why I think it's funny!
Submitted by: DJ Kaito
The Funny Lyrics:
He's Gump, he's Gump, he's kind of square.
He's Gump, he's Gump, he's Gump, What's with that hair?
Why They're funny:
When I heard this I broke down laughing. It was really funny.
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Headline News"
The Funny Lyrics:
And then there was this guy who
made his wife so mad that one night
she cut off his wiener
and when he finally came through,
he found that Mr. happy was missing.
He couldn't quite explain it
it had always just been there
Why They're funny:
I laughed the first time I heard this but then the novelty sort of wore off.
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Headline News"
The Funny Lyrics:
Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard
Why They're funny:
Kinda like, 'I went to Singapore and used spray paint, and boy, was my butt whipped.'
Submitted by: DJ Kaito
Weird Al Yankovic's, "I Can't Watch This"
The Funny Lyrics:
Can't stand 'Twin Peaks'
Wish they'd lynch those doughnut-eating freaks.
Why They're funny:
The use of the word 'lynch' is funny because 'Twin Peaks' was created by David Lynch. Get it?
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "I Can't Watch This"
The Funny Lyrics:
Cosby Show and Roseanne
Think I've taken bout as much as I can
Why They're funny:
Not only were The Cosby Show and Roseanne both Carsey-Werner Shows (in edition to Denise and Darlene both appearing in that movie High Fidelity! - what are the odds of that???), they used to rival in the ratings when Roseanne first aired (the Connors are essentially the anti-Huxtables). Now I wonder, was the character of Olivia introduced to the show JUST to boost the ratings and outdo Roseanne? It's a possibility. On the other hand, there is a TV Guide cover with Roseanne and Bill Cosby posing together, which (unless it's a doctored photo) is kinda cute. And sadly, the year that Off The Deep End came out (1992) was the same year The Cosby Show shut down production. Sad, sad, sad...
Submitted by: Ed
Weird Al Yankovic's, "I Remember Larry"
The Funny Lyrics:
Say, do you remember when I broke in larry's house
late at night and tied his mouth with a rag?
then, I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of a forest
and stuffed him in a big plastic bag.
Why They're funny:
After an entire song lamenting the death of a local prankster, Al reveals he's the one who killed him.
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "I'm So Sick Of You"
The Funny Lyrics:
You don't have an ounce of class.
You're just one big pain in the neck.
Why They're funny:
Quick, what rhymes with 'class' and can replace 'neck' in this instance?
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "It's All About The Pentiums"
The Funny Lyrics:
Hey, fella. I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
downloading pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
and posting 'Me too!' like some brain-dead aoler.
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Ol' Yeller.
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller.
Why They're funny:
Nice.
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Jerry Springer"
The Funny Lyrics:
Guy: Baby, I've been sleeping with your sister.
Woman: Which one?
Guy: All of them!
Woman: Well I've been sleeping with your best friend, Jake.
Guy: So have I. And I've been sleeping with your dog.
Woman: Woofy, you b**ch! Well, I've been sleeping with your pet goat.
Guy: That goat doesn't love you!
Why They're funny:
This is the voiceover of a Springer-show debate that is heard during the instrumental break. Weird Al sure knows how to creatively incorporate this stuff, doesn't he?
Submitted by: Alex
Weird Al Yankovic's, "One More Minute"
The Funny Lyrics:
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love,
and I have to use the self-service pumps
Why They're funny:
A hint of innuendo from the Weird One. Once you hear this line, you will laugh too; laugh long, and hard.
Submitted by: Michael
Weird Al Yankovic's, "One More Minute"
The Funny Lyrics:
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool full of double-edged razor blades
than spend one more minute...with you.
Why They're funny:
What comes to mind: Cannonballlllll!
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Slime Creatures From Outer Space"
The Funny Lyrics:
They'll suck your brain out through a straw
You just can't trust those guys
Why They're funny:
Yeah... It's kind of hard to trust people, er, aliens that do that.
Submitted by: Your Worst Nightmare
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Smells Like Nirvana"
The Funny Lyrics:
And I don't know what I'm singing!
Why They're funny:
Only Weird Al can make a full song about not knowing what he's singing about.
Submitted by: Thomas
Weird Al Yankovic's, "The Saga Begins"
The Funny Lyrics:
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the door and tried to kill us
Why They're funny:
DUH! Understatements at their best!
Submitted by: Harlow Goobley
Weird Al Yankovic's, "The Saga Begins"
The Funny Lyrics:
My, my, this here Anakin guy,
maybe Vader someday later,
now he's just a small fry.
He left his home,
and kissed his mommy goodbye
singing 'soon I'm gonna be a Jedi...
soon I'm gonna be a Jedi.'
Why They're funny:
I think this lyric pretty much speaks for itself.
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "This Song's Just Six Words Long"
The Funny Lyrics:
This song's just six words long!
Why They're funny:
It kinda sounds like he's saying "this song is...", which would make it seven words. But he's using the contraction, "song's", and due to the way the music is written, he can't really help that.
Submitted by: Quyjibo
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Trapped At The Drive-Thru"
The Funny Lyrics:
Now, we're at the pay window,
or whatever you call it.
Stick my hand in my pocket.
I can't believe there's no wallet.
Why They're funny:
That's gotta bite. Why didn't he check to see that his wallet was with him (in his pocket) before he left the house?
Submitted by: Brian Kelly
Weird Al Yankovic's, "Why Does This Always Happen To Me?"
The Funny Lyrics:
Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)
Why They're funny:
Seems like he was just tired of being nagged, and found a not-so-nice way to eliminate the situation...
Submitted by: Dutch_Justine
Weird Al Yankovic's, "You Don't Love Me Anymore"
The Funny Lyrics:
I admit I lost some self-esteem,
that time that you made it with, the whole hockey team,
Oh honey why did you laugh
That time that you pushed me down the elevator shaft
Why They're funny:
She doesn't love you anymore, Al. What part of that don't you understand? If she's pushing you down the elevator shaft then there must be a reason for it.
Submitted by: Celeste
Weird Al Yankovic's, "You Don't Love Me Anymore"
The Funny Lyrics:
You slammed my face on the Barbecue grill,
now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.
You set my house on fire, you pulled my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers.
Oh honey why did you disconnect the breaks on my car
That kind of thing is hard to ignore,
honey something tells me you don't love me anymore.
Why They're funny:
This song is particularly funny because in the video he's completely oblivious to what's going on behind him.
Submitted by: Celeste

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