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Song Parodies -> "Along Came Jones (Catherine Zeta)"

Original Song Title:

"Along Came Jones"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Coasters

Parody Song Title:

"Along Came Jones (Catherine Zeta)"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

You didn't think I was going to write only one parody for her 40th birthday, did you? Heck, the day's so important to me, I'm taking a day off from work as a religious holiday! She's a goddess of love!
I plopped down in my easy chair
and turned on Channel 2.
'Cause "Entertainment Tonight" showed me
a vision in dress of blue.
Angelina Jolie, I saw her and said with a lustful laugh,
"If she don't give me the keys to her heart
my own will break in half."

I'd like to grab her.
(And then?)
I won't tie her up.
(You won't?)
She'd cut me like a buzzsaw!
(And then? And then?)

A-a-and then along came Jones!
Zeta-Jones!
Slow-walkin' Jones!
Slow-burnin' Jones!
Along came Catherine Zeta-Jones!

Commercial came on, no more Jolie
so I got me a snack.
"ET" then did a piece on J-Lo.
And Baby still got back.
Her whacked-out hubby's not onscreen.
If he was, I'd have some fits.
And I said,
"Gimme the keys to her heart.
I'd love that girl to bits."

I'd like to grab her.
(And then?)
I won't tie her up.
(You won't?)
Her love is just like dynamite!
(And then? And then?)

A-a-and then along came Jones!
Zeta-Jones!
Slow-walkin' Jones!
Slow-burnin' Jones!
Along came Catherine Zeta-Jones!

(instrumental break)

I got so bugged, I turned it off
and turned on another show.
But there's a new T-Mobile ad
and it's telling me "Get Mo'."
She says she loves that geezer guy
who's wrinkled like a burlap sack.
I said,
"If she don't give me the key to her heart
I'm gonna jump upon the railroad track!"

I'd like to grab her.
(And then?)
I won't tie her up.
(You won't?)
I'd lay her near the railroad track!
(And then?)
We'd both start a-comin'!
(And then? And then?)

(And then I woke up and looked at the TV again.)

A-a-and then along came Jones!
Zeta-Jones!
Slow-walkin' Jones!
Slow-burnin' Jones!
Along came Catherine Zeta-Jones!
Along came Catherine Zeta-Jones!
Along came Catherine Zeta-Jones!
(repeat 'til fade)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
hilarious...my fave of the day
Old Man Ribber - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Save The Wales! ;D
Timmy1000 - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
You really do have it bad - 555 for the parody of a great oldie - do you TEVO the T-Mobile commercials?
DJ Blaze - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm unfamiliar with Catherine, and I only know the Ray Stevens version of the OS, but this still gets 5s.
Michael Pacholek - September 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to everyone for the comments on all three Cazejo tributes. Freakiest thing: The OS was mentioned by Yankee broadcaster John Sterling on the radio during tonight's Yankees-Red Sox game! (Yanks won, 9-5.)
Old Man Ribber - September 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Hey Michael...I'll devote myself to getting you and Catherine together if you can set me up with Carrie Fisher. ;D
Michael Douglas - September 26, 2009 - Report this comment
If you ever did get my wife in bed, she would do things to you that would be censored in BASIC INSTICNT. So bacl the f*** OFF!
Michael Pacholek - September 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: You have better taste in women than you do in politics. Old Man Douglas: I'm guessing she doesn't really do things like that, because at your age your heart couldn't take it. I'm not sure if mine could, but then, considering your history of womanizing, there is still a slim hope... as with Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez.
Mike Douglas - September 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Whew! I thought you were talking about me. Geneva will be relieved. ;D By the way, my co-host this week is Old Man Ribber.

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