I plopped down in my beanbag chair and turned on Channel 5,
A klingon ship from Alpha quad was chasin' the Enterprise.
It trapped them in the neutral zone, and then on Kirk's big screen,
A klingon said, "Give me the code to your database,
Or I'll blow you to smithereens!"

And then... he uncloaked...
And then... he fired his disruptors...
And then... some crewmen fell to the floor...
And then, and then...
And then along came Bones,
White-haired Bones,
Old-fashioned Bones,
Hard-headed Bones,
Along came country doctor Bones!

Commercial came on, so I made myself a lorvan cracker snack,
You should've seen what was goin' on by the time that I got back!
Down on planet Regulus 8, Jim Kirk'd made someone mad.
The creature said, "If you don't leave my planet now,
I'll hurt you really bad!"

And then... it grabbed him...
And then... its claws dug in...
And then... it started sucking his body salt...
And then, and then...
And then along came Bones,
White-haired Bones,
Old-fashioned Bones,
Hard-headed Bones,
Along came country doctor Bones!

I got so bugged I turned it off and turned on another show,
But there was the same old Enterprise and the same old phaser show.
The Romulans fired some strange new beam, and Kirk fell in his lap.
Spock said, "Sick bay, hurry to the bridge,
The captain's had a heart attack!"

And then he grabbed him...
And then... he started CPR,
And then... he actived the defibrillator,
And then... he started doing the mind meld,
And then, and then, and then...
And then along came Bones,
White-haired Bones,
Old-fashioned Bones,
Hard-headed Bones,
Along came country doctor Bones!
Along came country doctor Bones!
Along came country doctor Bones!