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Song Parodies -> "9/11"

Original Song Title:

"Oklahoma!"

Parody Song Title:

"9/11"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Already had a little fluff-piece planned to accompany the Major post today, but late at night, got struck by a sudden flash of inspiration based on the riffs on TOSlast week. The other can wait until next week, easily.

Like last week's, done to this OS video, whose finale peaks quite grandly at 3:05, applause and all, which makes the subsequent reprise a bit superfluous; so not done


OSAMA BIN LADEN:
We couldn't pick a better time to take some life

CHEMICAL ALI:
A Jihad, surely; West must meet its fate

OSAMA:
Usin' plane as bomber, we can strafe; cause strife

ALI:
Soon get rid of the Israeli state


RADICAL FANATICS HIDING BEHIND A PEACEFUL RELIGION:

U-S-A!
Blow you all away!
Gonna hit the Penta- -gon and the Twin Towers
Carry on the battle
Killing even ours!   [1]
Hijack me an airplane with a tool: box, cuts
Allah, we'll blame, though we are all nuts
Totally doom all chance and hope:
Middle-East: share and peacefully cope


ALL RATIONAL, PEACE-LOVING PEOPLES OF THE WORLD:

9/11: It begins, some creeps are takin' plane
That's a brave new feat? Destruct, complete?
What's the spin? What do they think they gain?
9/11: Can't they try: Is-rael and Palestine?
Sabotage peace talk and feed the hawks
In each State, asserting harder line!

God knows: both belong in that land   [2]
Hatred fanned? Get along, understand!
But when they say,
"Hah! Attack the USA"
They're really sayin'
"We *don't* want peace in the Mid-East
"Terror trauma, oy vay!"

Su-'cide bombers: it's a sin, both deep and clearly plain
Sayin' it's God's will to children, kill
And civilians, innocent, again
Su-'cide bombers, do you really think it helps your cause? (get applause?)
Though you bade us grieve, we'll never leave
Makin' crazy lurkers from "God's Laws"

You know you can't strong-arm demand
So you all might as well just disband

(Ululate!) (Provocate!) (Denigrate!) (Sow your hate!) (Virgins wait?) (Hell, go, straight!)

And when they say,   [3]
بله ، آن است که اراده خدا برای کشتن
We're all replyin':
Crime 'gainst Mankind, all Jihadists
Try diploma- -cy, 'k?

(Middle-) (East, talk) (Must have) (peace talk) (But these) (creeps balk)

We know: quite long, mis-understand
But that land *could* have peace, if well-planned
Hear TT say,
Yo! I think I know a way!
If both, obeyin',
Give Palestine its own homeland
But let Israel - still stay!
HA-MAS-GET-OUT-OF-WAY
Peaceful home, all,
YAY!




[1] (the optional two-syl pronunc. of "ours") As of the last figure that TT remembers, somewhat more than 370 self-identified Muslims died in the attack on the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. Muslims who presumably thought that life under capitalism in the USA, in the city that is the heart of capitalism and in the buildings that were among its most prominent monuments, was a good life, and not at all in conflict with their beliefs.

This was NOT about religion, in any way, shape, or form. Let's keep it that way. 'Nuff said.


[2] The story is mostly in Genesis 15 - 17, but for those who haven't read the Bible cover-to-cover (as this writer has), here's the short version:

Abraham and Sarah were well over eighty years old, and childless. Abraham was afraid that his race would die out.
God promised that that would not happen.
Sarah had an Egyptian servant girl, Hagar. (Yes, it's ironic: Egyptians being servants to Jews, long before the wheel turned the other way. If you read enough, history really does repeat itself.)
Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham, to conceive a child. They did.
This son was called Ishmael.
(See opening line of "Moby Dick" -- that's about as far as this writer got with that long, bore-y story -- no relation.)
Hagar became uppity toward Sarah, in a sort of trophy-wife/first-wife thing, "I had his kid and you didn't, nyahh!"
So Sarah started treating Hagar cruelly.
So Hagar left, taking the child, and fled to the desert, intending to let the child - and the race - die.
An angel of the Lord came to Hagar, and said, "Let's Make A Deal".
The deal was: "If you go back to serve Sarah, and give your son to them, God will make your son a prince of many nations."
Hagar said, "OK".
After which, God told Abraham that he and Sarah would have a child of their own.
Abraham, depending on version, was between 90 and 100 years old; Sarah; 86 to 90.
Abraham laughed in God's face at the very thought of it.
But it happened.
This son was called Isaac.

Now, the fight begins: Traditional law was that the inheritance went to the first-born male child.
Not a trivial inheritance here, because God had promised a large amount of land to Abraham, called "The Promised Land".
Hagar claimed that Ishmael, being first-born, naturally would inherit the Promised Land.
Sarah said that the land was promised to the Hebrews, and therefore, it should go to the first-born *full-blooded Hebrew* child.

Ishmael did indeed father many nations, namely, the Arab nations.
Isaac fathered the Israelite nations.
(Among Isaac's descendants was David, who slew Goliath and wrote the Psalms.).
(Among David's descendants was a guy named Jesus of Nazareth.)

The feud between the descendants of Ishmael and those of Isaac over the Promised Land began.
(They should have just tossed a coin. Winner gets choice: North half or south half, or something. But instead...)
They continued to fight over it for the next six thousand years.
And they're still at it today.

[3] "Yes, it's Allah's will to kill"
(Fun fact: If you put the footnote number on the same line with the Persian, it wants to put the number to the left of the writing, because the writing reads right-to-left)

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Pacing: 4.4
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Total Votes: 13

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Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
You're a day early with this post. I think it would have been better if you wanted for 9/11 to post a parody about 9/11 cause at first this was going to be a parody about calling the police 9-1-1. Not bad though, not bad at all.
AFW - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Your usual touch of perfecto, plus a solution for world peace..who could ask for anything more?..but hey, that's another song, ain;t it?
Patrick - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Amazing how you can get so many different songs out of the same melody. There are those in the world who appreciate diversity, and, sadly, those who don't
9-1-1-Votress - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
SquireMatt, that is exactly why the oSama chose that date, Sir: He created No-Cell Hell . . . Any Rescue calls to 9-1-1 would be pointless, as the Towers of Babel burned, along with their Victim's desparate jumping into oblivion !
Fiddlegirl - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
@ Matthias: 9/11 is Saturday this year; hence, the need to post the day prior.

@ TT: well-crafted as per your usual. The juxtaposition of sobering subject matter with the uptempo hoedown tune is rather jarring...
@ FG and Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl: Thanks for "educating" (heh!) Matthias.

Matthias: You've posted almost 500 songs; you know how things work around here; did you *really* not realize what FG (and, probably everyone else) grokked immediately? .. A bit disappointing; you're waay more intelligent than that. Oh, well. ...

Back laTTer with full replies to all.
Old Man Ribber - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Printed Arabic?? Is there nothing you can't do?? Yes, there is one...and that's screw up a song! (From Oklahoma) Oh what a beautifully fine job! ;D
Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow... That was kind of a dumb comment for me to make. My bad. lol
Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Came back to just say that I don't appreciate being called an idiot (paraphrasing) because I didn't grasp it at first that 9/11 falls on a Saturday and that Chucky doesn't update the site on Saturdays. I read these parodies first thing in the morning and you complained about me not reading your parodies and leaving comments now you say because I made one mistake in a comment that I'm not intelligent? Jerk.
Tommy Turtle - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Matthias: Please don't put words in my mouth, then chew me out for what I didn't say. I never called you an idiot or anything close to that. I praised your experience and knowledge here, and said I was disappointed that *on this one occasion* the ball was fumbled. It happens to us all. I was just totally taken aback at your first comment, precisely *because*, *as I said*, "you're way more intelligent than that". How is that calling someone an idiot, to say that they're very intelligent?
  Gee, if we carry this on long enough, we could start our own feud and put the whole Middle-East thing on the back page! Let's not, though.. thanks for v/c.
  As for not reading my parodies -- I didn't "chew you out" for that. I think as a courtesy to you, I'll save the rest for PM (later on, or in a couple of days), as there's no need to AIR it in public (lol). Thanks again for the retraction and the "not bad at all" comment. (Maybe some day I'l write one that's actually "good" hehheh! ;) --- that's a wink, which means, "facetious, kidding" -- to prevent further misunderstandings.

btw, in the group tribute posted today, TT freely admitted to being a jerk. (The last line of the last four-line stanza.) Typical geek with an unmagnetized needle in the social compass, which is why he stays in his shell most of the time....

AFW: They ain't got rhythm, and they ain't got their girl, which, IMHO, is why they're all so surly and need an outlet for all that testosterone. A couple of good rolls in the hay or sand, and there'd be "piece on Earth" I say! :)

Patrick: Amen. Thanks, Brother.

9-1-1 Votress: Interesting parallels and revisionist retelling!

Fiddlegirl: As I'm sure you realized, the "jarring" contrast between OS and subject matter was deliberate, for heightened effect. Thanks for v/c.

Old Man Ribber: See footnote [3]: It's Persian, not Arabic. (They're different languages.) Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, etc. seem to have less of this problem. But why am I arguing with such a lyrical, artistic, and postive comment? Thanks!
Below Average Dave - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Time appropriate. . .unfortunately it seems 9/11 did accomplish to some extent what they wanted, we will never forget it, how could we. . .good job--can't stand TOS, but it's very hard so props on it TT
Tommy Turtle - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Below Average Dave: It accomplished what they wanted only because we allowed ourselves to be terrorized, and to change our lives, spending, etc. because of it. Live your life, refuse to be terrorized, and they can't win. ... Sorry you don't like TOS - I've never even heard it! Thanks for v/c.
Tim Mayfield - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Brilliantly timed, tuned, and treated. Not sure I'd agree with everything in footnote 2, since Genesis 17:19,21 and 21:12 states that God said Isaac was the one with whom the covenant was going to be made. Sarah did say in Genesis 21:10 that she did not want Ishmael to share as heir.
Tommy Turtle - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Tim Mayfield: Long time, no see - nice to see you again! Thanks for the kind and thoughtful v/c!

Everyone reads and translates things their own way, including Muslims and Jews. *Hagar* insisted on her son being the heir, and those who follow that religion are going to go with that claim, regardless of what Sarah wanted. And probably have some other story about the pact with Isaac.
I haven't read the Qu'ran,. because I can't find an English translation that I'd trust to be neutral, but Islam *does* acknowledge Abraham (Ibrahim) as their progenitor. It would be interesting to read their version of this same episode.

Even the Judeo-Christian Bible went through several languages before reaching us - Aramaic, Greek, Latin, etc. -- and just as Shakespeare's English of 400 years ago is a bit strange to us today, Hebrew of 6000 years ago might be different from what it is today. (I don't speak it.)

I wasn't arguing the point either way -- just citing the source of the original feud, which I think few people even know about. And how silly it was to risk destroying the world over it.

Actually, a mistranslation of ancient Hebrew and Aramaic might have caused the entire myth of the prediction of the Immaculate Conception, but that's another story, and if I brought it up, I'd probably be crucified, so to speak. Quitting while I still have a head. :) Cheers.
Old Man Ribber - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
TT - Ahhh, I see. Persian? Then may The Farsi be with you! (Also a famous pun - possibly by George Kaufman - "One man's Mede is another man's Persian). Do you remember "Rocky and Bullwinkle"? In one episode, they fished a small boat out of a pond. It was studded with red gems and on the sail was written the name Omar Khayyam. I was 5 or 6 at the time, but I'll never forget Rocky's quote - "It's the ruby yacht of Omar Khayyam!"
TJC - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Bravo! Wonderful distillate via mash-up of religious politics, politicized religion and 'spirited' song! You are a true educator and I always value your take on things--never one to tow the party line, you seem to delve effortlessly to the 'core' of matters--perhaps rather than an honorary Major Generalship, you receive the more descriptive rank of Captain 'Kernel'!

BTW, I like your solution--mine would be to have Israel abandon the middle east and relocate to somewhere in the US--perhaps Alabama or central California (glancing at some maps, their current land mass appears perhaps 1/20th CA's). Voila! No more friction and in the bargain we gain several hundred Nobel caliber scientists , an unbeatable economic engine and access to the best chicken soups!
Tommy Turtle - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: Who doesn't? (R & B, and not rhythm and blues). Version I heard: Marc Antony asks Cleopatra if she's really in love with him. She replies, "O Marc, I am!"

TJC: It's already happened. It's called, "Hollywood". (lol) ;)

Agreed, but we're 60 years too late. It's been pointed out many times that millions of Jews displaced by the War found a (more-or-less) welcome home in the US, and on the average, have done very well for themselves.

The Statute of Limitations on land title claims, at least in my state, is 30 years. Which means that claims 6000 years old are no longer valid. Which means that it wasn't right to kick the Palestinians out of their homes and arbitrarily hand the land to someone else out of sympathy, well-deserved though that sympathy be. (Here come the unabombs!)

It would be as if Cubans fleeing Communism arbitrarily took over a portion of the US, changed its language to theirs, and started making the rules. .. Oh, wait, that's already happened too -- it's called "Miami". :)

Unfortunately, that 30-year limit means that it's now equally unfair to displace the "squatters", as the opposition calls them, after 62 years of making their homes and livings there. I wish it had gone the way described above in the first place, but having (IMHO) made the error a couple of generations ago, we're stuck with the current situation, and it seems a compromise is the best of the bad choices. Thanks for v/c.

(waiting for someone to respond to "economic engine" with "Lehman Bros.", etc. -- don't bother.)
TJC - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Interesting and erudite observations, TT... I can only say as a non-Jew (heh!, inside joke!) we should do whatever possible to keep them on our side given the following:

Some breathtaking stats from a recent NY Times piece by David Brooks:

"Jews are a famously accomplished group. They make up 0.2 percent of the world population, but 54 percent of the world chess champions, 27 percent of the Nobel physics laureates and 31 percent of the medicine laureates.

Jews make up 2 percent of the U.S. population, but 21 percent of the Ivy League student bodies, 26 percent of the Kennedy Center honorees, 37 percent of the Academy Award-winning directors, 38 percent of those on a recent Business Week list of leading philanthropists, 51 percent of the Pulitzer Prize winners for nonfiction."
BR> Now* there's* some cultural imperative--is it a function of genetics or the crucible in which they're forged? I don't pretend to know, though, as always, my money's on 'multi-factorial'...
John Jenkins - September 12, 2010 - Report this comment
The "oy vay" and the line with the 6 "ate" rhymes stand out for me, even though I had to look up ululate, but it was all good. And you really has to feel sorry for Ishmael - he did not get the benefits of being a Hebrew, but he still had to get circumcised.
Tommy Turtle - September 14, 2010 - Report this comment
TJC: Without going into any sort of genetic issues, which got one famous scientist tons of hate mail for suggesting inherent difference among races *that could be accounted for by evolutionary factors", I would add to your impressive list that it's also well known that Asian-Americans, on average, outperform the entire US average on virtually all measures of standardized testing (SAT, ACT, various IQ, etc.)
  So (picks up cane and limps to white board, becoming Dr. House), we need a common factor, as the two are rather disparate both geographically and genetically:
  Both cultures place a very high emphasis on education and professional achievement. That's a huge part, IMHO.

What do African-American kids get for role models? NFL and NBA players whose biggest accomplishment is staying out of prison for an entire season (Micheal Vick is back -- sheesh), and rap stars who spew hate speech towards everyone, including women of their own race..

Their best role models: Colin Powell, first A-A to be on the Joint Chiefs of Staff and first A-A to be Secretary of State of the US, and Condoleezza Rice, first A-A Female to be Sec of State (after Powell resigned.) Both seem somehow to be tainted among the A-A community by association with GWB, or perhaps merely by being Republican. Shame. Read Condi's bio - what she overcame in terms of bigotry, and the inspiration from her father. (WP will do.)

And Obama's half-white. English and German on the white side, and Kenyan on the black side. That's East Africa, a world apart from the West African lands that were the main source of the trans-Atlantic slave trade; hence, not really genetically or culturally so close to the majority of the US A-A community.

So I think it's a self-continuing cycle: If your family is all doctors, lawyers, athletes, etc. ... .

I'm still with you on welcoming the Jews here, but some - Orthodox, I think - believe that God commands them to return to the promised land (Zionism). And that their toast on some holiday (I forget which) is "Next year, in Israel!"

The only other condition: All Jews welcome here, except the lawyers, :-D   We have far too many already (not Jews, lawyers!) -- of *all* religions, most of them being devout -- scoundrels. :) :) :)

John Jenkins: Nor did he get the downsides - his descendants weren't slaves in Egypt, nor suffer the Diaspora and persecution by the Romans (well before Christians were persecuted by them), nor go to Buchenwald, Auschwitz, or Dachau. If his descendants thought about it, they'd probably tell him that his small sacrifice was well worth it. :-)
  Uh, what again were those upsides of being Hebrew? I mean, aside from being Nobelists, good doctors and lawyers, and all .... (I'm in an ironic/humorous mood at the moment.:) Thanks for v/c.
CM - December 19, 2010 - Report this comment
Ah, this was so freaking great! Thanks dude!
Tommy Turtle - December 21, 2010 - Report this comment
CM: Sorry to be late in replying -- haven't been here for a while due to work and personal issues on top of the holiday stuff, but thanks for the vote and comment. And you're very welcome!
THIS JUST IN: PRESIDENT OBAMA FOLLOWS TOMMY TURTLE'S ADVICE - May 20, 2011 - Report this comment
See last verse of parody. TT:

"Hear TT say, Yo! I think I know a way! If both, obeyin', Give Palestine its own homeland But let Israel - still stay!"

Echoed six months later, May 19, 2011, by President Obama:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2011/05/19/remarks-president-middle-east-and-north-africa

"Now, ultimately, it is up to the Israelis and Palestinians to take action. No peace can be imposed upon them -- not by the United States; not by anybody else. But endless delay won’t make the problem go away. What America and the international community can do is to state frankly what everyone knows -- a lasting peace will involve two states for two peoples: Israel as a Jewish state and the homeland for the Jewish people, and the state of Palestine as the homeland for the Palestinian people, each state enjoying self-determination, mutual recognition, and peace."

TT:

"HA-MAS-GET-OUT-OF-WAY, Peaceful home, all, YAY!" Obama:

"Palestinian leaders will not achieve peace or prosperity if Hamas insists on a path of terror and rejection."

Better late than never, Mr. Pres., and TT is happy to have helped, although sending him a small portion of what you paid your speechwriters for that speech would be greatly appreciated.

Also, you might make yet another historic "first" by appointing the first Chelonian-American ever to be Secretary of State, replacing the current office-holder, who doesn't seem actually to have accomplished all that much.

Warmest regards,
Tommy Turtle
Patrick - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
The genius of America was that Jews and Muslims, Germans and French, Irish and British, Black and White could all live together under one moderately corrupt government in relative peace. Maybe we should start citing our own values and history as an example to all these warring tribes around the world. If you were Secretary of State, would you let the South Koreans ship us all those surplus M1 Garands and Carbines they've been wanting to sell?
Tommy Turtle - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
PatricK: LOL @ "moderately corrupt Gov"!!! :-D

Not exactly sure that we're such a shining example, given that despite D of I's "all.... created equal", it took 75 years and a bloody Civil War just to end slavery, and another 100 or so years to get to true equal rights before the law, such as voting, sitting wherever you like on the bus, etc. ....
          I think there's still some lingering anti-Semitism, B/W racism (in *both* directions), and *some* (not all) prejudice against Muslim Americans, e. g., that preacher burning the Qu'ran. Suppose the mosque across the street burned a Bible; how would he feel?

But I agree that we've done a much better job overall of being a much more diverse Melting Pot than any other country on Earth at the moment, so the overall point is valid, even if its' "Do as we idealize, even if we don't always do it."

If I were the Sec of Defense, I'd not buy *anything* made in countries that are actual or potential threats. Not just weapons, but most critically, computers and related networking hardware, much of which is still made in China. The computer on which I'm typing this is a Toshiba (Japanese), but it was made in China. Likewise, the wireless router is a Linksys by Cisco, and the cable modem is a Scientific Atlanta, also acquired by Cisco, but both were made in China.

As a home user who possesses no valuable intelligence information (some readers think he has no intelligence at all, LOL ;), I'm not very concerned. But if you were unaware, these same types of components are routinely bought by the US Government, *all* branches,including the military. (Probably CIA too ,but maybe not, and they're not telling. ;) Yes, it would cost more to buy US-made stuff (or at least, made by allies - Germany, UK, etc.), due to China's low cost of (child) labor, but despite the budget deficit, IMHO this is *not* the place to go lowest-bidder.

I know you're not much into tech, but "cyber-warfare" (look it up in WikiP) is a hot buzzword these days -- countries hacking into other countries' networks and computers. If the equipment came from China, the Chinese could insert tiny, unnoticeable security holes, called "backdoors", that would let them snoop or bring it down. Look up "Stuxnet" - a "worm" (type of computer infection. like a virus) that brought down the control elements of an Irani nuclear research/enrichment facility. Israel and the US are the prime suspects, possibly in a joint effort.

So it's really important to get your stuff from trustworthy sources. Certainly armaments! ... Overall, a good point, *except* that the true fanatics, who are the ones making the trouble (most people just want to live their lives in peace, regardless of their religion or their neighbor's religion), insist that their way is the *only* way, and everyone else is wrong, and their God (whichever God) says so, and says the others are Satan, and to reject them or even to kill them, etc. -- a sentiment not necessarily confined to Muslims, alas. Thanks for perceptive comment as always.

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