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Song Parodies -> "John Kerry Hair"

Original Song Title:

"Teddy Bear"

Original Performer:

Elvis Presley

Parody Song Title:

"John Kerry Hair"

Parody Written by:

Malcolm Higgins

The Lyrics

hey would you believe
that perfect kerry hair?
thousand bucks a "do" to keep
but ketchup pays, it's share,
oh let me see,
john kerry hair

always a perfect sidepart,
trimmed and shined right up
too good,he must be lyin'
but lyin's just the kind
of guy who wears that stuff

hey would you believe
that perfect kerry hair?
thousand bucks a "do" to keep
but ketchup pays, it's share,
oh let me see,
john kerry hair

hey there did you see? that fool on cnn?
please don't touch that perfect hair
hey, somethin just ain't right.....

always a perfect sidepart,
trimmed and shined right up
too good,he must be lyin'
but lyin's just the kind
of guy who wears that stuff


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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 6

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User Comments

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Tommy Turtle - January 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny idea, funny song, and loved the ketchup jokes... surely someone so funny could create new verses instead of repeating; hope to see that in your future stuff, but will spot you Heinz 555 Varieties for this one.
Michael Pacholek - January 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Actually, it was his 2004 running mate, John Edwards, who was known for having the supposedly perfect hair. Then again, in the U.S. Senate, good hair is rare (to borrow a George Carlin phrase). Joe Biden's awful combover. Kent Conrad's atrocious toupee. Chuck Schumer is starting to look like Mr. Hooper of "Sesame Street" when he wears glasses. Carl Levin already does, and what's with HIS glasses? Once C-SPAN went on the air, Robert Byrd became so concerned with his hair he became known as the Silver Fox. But now, his hair is the only "white supremacy" he cares about. And then, of course, there's Hillary's ever-changing style. And that's just my party! Including the huge recent improvement in New Jersey, where Jon Corzine got elected Governor and appointed Bob Menendez -- talk about a hair transplant! The GOP has Trent Lott's helmet and John Warner's hair of steel -- it actually shines. The now-gone Bill Frist and John Ashcroft also had helmets, although Frist's was a perfect sphere while Ashcroft went for the flat look like Lott. Lay off Arlen Specter, though: His hair is actually better since it regrew after his brain surgery. You can't combine the Senate Judiciary Committee, a receding hairline and a "Jewfro." And Rick Perry, Bush's successor as moron-in-chief of Texas, is known as Governor Goodhair. He has to be, since he hasn't done a damn thing worth talking about.
malcolm higgins - January 12, 2007 - Report this comment
wow, Michael.... and all I really needed was an explanation as to why dippity doo worked.....er

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