[ sung ]
Have you flown some in fright?
Were there snakes on your flight?
Are you sorry you got on that plane?

Did your poor heartstrings flail?
Go all Irwin-esque pale?
When en-ven-omed while sipping champagne?

Did attendants treat "coachies" with dripping disdain?
Do these sung in-ter-rog-a-tives strike you as lame?

Was it wry déjà vu? In-flight flick—'Snake Pit 2'!
Tell me dear, have you flown some in fright?

[ spoken ]
I wondered if you'd flown some in fright
You know, someone once said all the curled's encaged
Guess that's a metaphor for pheromone-crazed snakes on YOUR plane
Pam Anderson and Kid Rock, eh?

Fate had you side winding to that fateful terminal in your Dodge 'Viper'
Act one was when your too, too weighty Gucci snakeskin bags pegged the 'scales'
You left behind your first edition Ulysses—'serpentine' plot—heavy man, heavy—
You didn't get rattled, made weight and slithered your lithesomness on board

Then came act two—400 writhing vipers poured from the vents
and oozed up through the toilets
All while you blithely sucked down a 'stinger'
And you, being a herpetologist and all—Is THAT why I have herpes?

Honey, you almost died when some snake
probed your 'innermost' thighs
And then a real reptile got his fangs in you
And I had forgotten to take out flight insurance

But, luckily,
Phil Spectre, Christopher Walkin, OJ, and Mike Boogie* were aboard
And they knew how to deal with their own kind

Now the cage is bare, and you've got a prayer
With verklemptiness coiled all around
And at last you've come back to me
Then, after the curtain fell,
Mr. Jackson easily made his net-net on front-end points

[ Sung ]
Did those fangs cheeks inflame—make your asp huge again?
Smell pee here—guess you've flown some in fright!

~
*ultra-snakey winner of Big Brother 7 reality show