~~

[ SINGING FARM HANDS ]
Zee avocado’s
Ri-pen-ing
We pluck; you peel
and pit—then crème…
~
[ MISS AVOCADO 2008 ]
Can’t stop fisting your ‘chip’ ‘cause you're itching to dip
Guacamole?
Got you dreaming in bed, “Love to plunge in *that* spread”
Your frijole?
Luscious fruit, ripe and hyper-cute, you’re in hot pursuit
Of my flavorful booty
Smoosh me twice, add a dash of Spice, Ginger—not so nice...
(Turns me tasteless yet snooty!)

And when slathered ‘tout de suite’, on French buns—magnifiquè!
Jaques-eet-slowly!
Though be sure to be fast, ‘cause my shelf-life don’t last
That's for sure!
Check your ‘chip’; does it ‘Sheen’? Oops! You’ve ‘dipped’ a Haas-been
like Mark Foley!
Toxic guac, run-don’t-walk, find a ‘chip’ fixin’ Doc
Guac-a colii!

[ GUACAMOLE FANATIC ]
Its unhealthy I’m sure, that I savor your spoor
Guacamole!
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Cacamole?
[ FANATIC ]
And just can’t get enough of your inner-moist stuff
Guacamole!
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Guaca-Jolie?
[ FANATIC ]
You’re the Ritz, perfect pin-up pits—I got lots of pix
On that wall in my cellar
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Next to Gellar, a belle, her!
[ FANATIC ]
Bought this tree, all of it for me, Guaca stocka’ spree
Guess I’m one ‘plucky’ fell’er
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
…Pluckin’ stellar…

[ FANATIC ]
But, too much a ‘good thing’, *always* comes with some strings
Guacamole!
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Took a toll, eh?
[ FANATIC ]
Post my chip-dipping splurge, I was bound to regurge
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Ritchie-esque?
[ FANATIC ]
And so gorged to the gills—like ‘rex chicks on Doc Phill’s—
Yocked it whollè!
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Oooooo!
[ FANATIC ]
Worst I’ve seen, *so much* green—think *ten* Exorcist scenes
Guac un-holè !!!!
[ MISS AVOCADO ]
Yocked a bowl, eh?
[ TUTI FRUITY ]
GUACAMOLÈ !!!

~~~~~

~ spoken. off stage~

[ LEONARD NIMOY ]
You’d think he coulda’ worked in,’Spockamolè’…For god’s sake, I spent half my life playing a Vulcan… they’re *green*, get it? Highly illogical….
[ BOBBY ORR ]
Would ‘guaca-goaliè’ be askin’ too much?
[ DEAN MARTIN ]
Where the hell’s my ‘gua-canolè’?
[ PHIL SPECTOR ]
or Guac A-Hole, mè?
[PARIS HILTON ]
Guac a pole, eh? (that'd be HOT!)
[ SEINFELD ]
Schlockamolè?
[ DONNY OSMOND ]
Er, I’m a little bit ‘rock n’ rollè’ ?

~~