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Song Parodies -> "Naked Snowmen"

Original Song Title:

"Headless Horseman"

Original Performer:

Bing Crosby

Parody Song Title:

"Naked Snowmen"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

Unsupervised by governmental authorities little kids are somehow still allowed to turn that white stuff that falls from heaven unassembled into offensively patriarchal (and often naked) wannabe statues - and by now we should all have learned to topple over in anger over how much statues are racist - so with the original song being ripe for a rally against something whatever I'm taking the chance here to rally them all on the superior moral left towards a path against those global warming-defying white-skinned snowmen that will soon (late next month at the latest, all else normal) defile every deplorable nuclear family backyard on the Northern Hemisphere! Down with Whitey!

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.
Just come on down and we'll redecorate
There's smut and filth out there we'll terminate
Sores on eyes like offensive statues
Let's get together for a hunt on bugaboos
Those busts of dead men sure ain't nice
Some had slaves I'll emphasize!
Most were fat and some were dim
Albeit they had no Hipster Gyms

Oh, I'll tell you we're launching an preemptive strike
Those status might join the nazi Alt-Right

Where a flag waves we always take a knee
And stand up to such white mastery
Banners' bad, but what's even worse
Is the naked snowmen kids disperse!

They're WHITE and a sore on our liberal eyes!

When kids go amoral - reprehend
Buildin' their statues, always men
Carrots hang there red and thin
A black'd be more like aubergine

Beware, be scared, a gateway sin!

And such's this threat that we must concern
We'll curb such whims, and/or overturn
The tears your kids shed are misled
So send your mongrel litter off to bed

You'd be applauding any flaming cop
And should too two cents have to drop
In a safe zone atmosphere
We'll riot Berkeley every year

All can do a little, you should be trigg'd
Hide kids' mittens, then go big
Day or night, you can't let stand
Those naked snowmen shames the land

Take a side-trip to a flamethrower shop
Go jihading on the white snowdrops
But don't stop to ever count to ten
You can rid the world of white snowmen

Now if you're riled for snowman war
It's time to start, just get out the door
And for an encore gobbledygook
Go down to the library, burn some books
The one-percenters rule's dissent'
With knowledge down their power's bent

But if you're cold by an allnight(er)
Make sure to warm up, don't go white(r)
We'll have to leave your pale ass there
Take knee! Hide face! Look down! Stand clear!

With your guilt-trip from that Paki sweatshop
Your old pussy hat is hard to stop
So dress warm and make your first goal ten
You can rid the world of unclad men!

© Peter Andersson. (My first start here was to write a parody about kids toppling snowmen in the winter as practice for cow-tipping later on - but I couldn't milk that setup for enough material so I pushed on ahead like this instead - politics can always be milked for a parody, no matter what position you let the narrator take).

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.8
How Funny: 2.8
Overall Rating: 2.8

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   7
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   5
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - October 13, 2017 - Report this comment
I like how you gave this Halloween tune a festive Christmas twist. People getting offended by snowmen is a pretty hilarious concept because people are offended by the smallest things these days.
Agrimorfee - October 13, 2017 - Report this comment
Smart writing from you once again, P.A. It could be really be problematic if the kids decide to use that carrot for something else and not a nose...
Calvin's Mom - October 15, 2017 - Report this comment
"I don't care! We're not having an anatomically correct snowman in our front yard!"

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