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Song Parodies -> "Nuttin' But Spam"

Original Song Title:

"Nuttin' For Christmas"

Original Performer:

Barry Gordon

Parody Song Title:

"Nuttin' But Spam"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

I checked my box at AOL
(Somebody e-mailed me)
A chirpy voice said "You've got mail"
(Somebody e-mailed me)
But it's all crap from herbal quacks
Tricks for dodging income tax
Russian nymphomaniacs
Somebody e-mailed me

I - got a computer for Christmas
Eight zillion M.B. of RAM
But I'm gettin' hostile for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam!

I don't need loans from offshore banks
(Somebody e-mailed me)
I've never owned no septic tanks
(Somebody e-mailed me)
Old Iraq Most Wanted cards
Kinky housewives' warm regards
No-repayment Mastercards
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' freaked out for Christmas
How do they know where I am?
And I'm gettin' ornery for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam!

They've got Viagra at half price
(Somebody e-mailed me)
A voodoo weight control device
(Somebody e-mailed me)
I don't need hidden camera stuff
Donald Rumsfeld in the buff
My kielbasa's long enough!
Somebody e-mailed me

Oh, I'm gettin' ticked off for Christmas
Free pay-per-view is a scam
And I'm gettin' angry for Christmas
'Cause I'm gettin' nuttin' but spam!

So you better back off
Whatever you do
If I track you down I'm warning you
I'll get postal for Christmas!
Copyright 2003+ Shameless plug: Get this on the Robert Lund CD Elves Gone Wild!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   2
 4   2
 5   22

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Melhi - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ascii Off!!! Too many favorite lines to pick just one.
Guy - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Most excellent. I'm starting to really get into this Christmas theme on these parodies. This is an exceptional one. Hope they have a category for this in the next parody awards cause this one should be a nominee. I'm emailing you all 5s.
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
5 cans. :-) - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanx, Mel & Peter. Guy: I have a feeling that, six months from now, this parody will be a distant memory. But thanks for the plug!
Wild Man - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
I must have missed this little ditty. Very enjoyable Spaff.
Billy Florio - November 11, 2003 - Report this comment
Claude Prez - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
I've been looking for some festive holiday music for the coming season but all I find in the stores is that Mannheim Steamroller crap. There must be SOMEWHERE I can find a Christmas album that doesn't make me want to stab somebody. But where?
Mikey - November 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Spaff, youve outdone yourself! - November 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Wild & BF & Mikey: Thanx!

Claude: You know, I've oft found myself in that very same dilemma. That is, until I discovered a new product called "Elves Gone Wild!" It does not promote tooth decay, and it's guaranteed to increase your gas mileage, make you irresistible to the opposite sex, and ensure entrance into heaven no questions asked. Why delay? Buy today!
Billy Florio - August 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Im recasting votes
Tita - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
JAJAJA GREAT! - June 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Belated thanx, Billy Don't Be a Florio.
Barry Gordon (that's right - December 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Hysterical and well-written. In my opinion, much better than the original I sang fifty years ago. Thanks for the giggles! - December 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Barry Gordon, in addition to being the guy who (at age six) sang the definitive version of "Nuttin' for Christmas," is also a radio show host, occasional politician, and actor. He was president of the Screen Actors' Guild, in fact, for many years. Check out his profile on; no doubt you've seen his work.

When I got the above comment, I was skeptical, so I found his email address on his website and asked him. He said that it was indeed him. So - there you go - we occasionally do get real celebrities (not just fake ones) dropping by Amiright.

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