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Song Parodies -> Fragments -> Traditional

These are short parody lyrics set to the lyrics of songs by Traditional.

Traditional

Traditional's, ""Are You Sleeping, Brother John? (Frere Jacques)""
Better Lyrics:
Happy birthday, hapy birthday!

Whoopdee-doo! Whoopdee-doo!

Open up your present, open up your present!

Just for you, just for you!
Original Lyrics:
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?

Brother John? , Brother John?

Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing

Ding ding dong, ding ding dong
Submitted by: Binky the Clown
Traditional's, ""Are You Sleeping, Brother John? (Frere Jacques)""
Better Lyrics:
Marijuana, marijuana
LSD, LSD
Scientists make it, teachers take it
Why can't we, why can't weeeee?
Original Lyrics:
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John?
Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing
Ding ding dong, ding ding dong
Submitted by: Blue Sunshine
Traditional's, "Adeste Fideles"
Better Lyrics:
Cantet nunc Io, Cantet nunc Europa,

Cantet nunc Ganymede, Callisto too.
Original Lyrics:
Cantet nunc io, chorus angelorum;

Cantet nunc aula cælestium,
Submitted by: Eva Cave
Traditional's, "Are You Sleeping, Brother John? (Frere Jacques)"
Better Lyrics:
Are you drinking, are you drinking, from the john, from the john?
Original Lyrics:
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, brother John, brother John?
Submitted by: Andria
Traditional's, "Deck The Halls"
Better Lyrics:
Deck the halls with gasoline
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Strike a match and watch it gleam
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Burn the school down into ashes
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Aren't you glad you played with matches?
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Original Lyrics:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Deck the Halls"
Better Lyrics:
Decked my balls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Changed my name from Paul to Polly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Original Lyrics:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Submitted by: Sheogorath
Traditional's, "Find a Penny"
Better Lyrics:
Lost insurance?
That's tough luck
ACA,
It really sucks!!!
Original Lyrics:
Find a penny,
Pick it up
All the day,
You'll have good luck
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Frosty the Snowman"
Better Lyrics:
Gingrich the showman
is now leading in the polls,
With witty swipes he shows off what he knows
He is a Lobbyist you know!!!
Original Lyrics:
Frosty the snowman
was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Happy Birthday"
Better Lyrics:
Happy birthday KaSLaX
There's no more mistake
Now blow out your candles
Don't spit on its cake
Original Lyrics:
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear [person's name]
Happy birthday to you
Submitted by: Mickey D.
Traditional's, "Happy Birthday"
Better Lyrics:
Happy birthday to you
You live in the zoo
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too
Original Lyrics:
Happy birthday to you (2x)
Happy birthday dear *
Happy birthday to you
(Where * is the name of the person whose birthday it is)
Submitted by: Kaylub
Traditional's, "Happy Birthday"
Better Lyrics:
Slappy Birthday to you!

Slappy Birthday to you!

You need a good slapping,

And I'll give you one, too!
Original Lyrics:
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday dear (insert name here),

Happy Birthday to you!
Submitted by: Dylan Baranski
Traditional's, "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands"
Better Lyrics:
You put the whole thing in your mouth
You put the whole darn thing in your mouth
You put the whole thing in your mouth (2x)
Original Lyrics:
He's got the whole world in his hands
He's got the whole wide world in his hands
He's got the whole world in his hands (2x)
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Home on the Range"
Better Lyrics:
(Chorus)
Party, Party of the insane,
Where Hillary with the FBI plays games,
Where Sanders leads herds of DEM cattle nerds,
And Biden's choice to run is delayed!!!
Original Lyrics:
(Chorus)
Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Home on the Range"
Better Lyrics:
At the microphone as topics did roam,
Megyn Kelly hit Trump the wrong way,
He shot back at her with some disturbing words,
"Bleeding out her nose... and... between legs???"
Original Lyrics:
Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Home on the Range"
Better Lyrics:
Home on the firing range!
Where the SCUDs and the Ballistics play!
Where seldom is heard,
ANY kind of a word,
‘Cause most everyone got BLOWN AWAY!!
Original Lyrics:
Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard,
A discouraging word,
And the skies are not cloudy all day!
Submitted by: Mary Brennan
Traditional's, "It's Raining, It's Pouring"
Better Lyrics:
It's raining, it's pouring
And this job is boring
Original Lyrics:
It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Jack And Jill"
Better Lyrics:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get a pail of water
Jill tripped Jack and that's a fact
And then there was no water
Original Lyrics:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

BTW: "Crown," in this sense, means the top of your head, not the type of head covering a king wears.
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Jingle Bells"
Better Lyrics:
Jingle Bells
Harper smells
Martin's party's dead
I can't see the NDP
Or the BQ get ahead
Original Lyrics:
Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh
Submitted by: Left of Centre
Traditional's, "Joy To The World"
Better Lyrics:
Joy to the world, the teacher's dead
We barbecued her head
What happened to her body?
We flushed it down the potty
And round and round it goes (2x)
And round and round and round it goes
Original Lyrics:
Joy to the world, the Lord is come
Let Earth receive her king
Let every heart prepare him room
And heaven and nature sing (2x)
And heaven and heaven and nature sing
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Let It Snow"
Better Lyrics:
"Dear Leader's" rule was truly frightful
Millions died or were denied trial
Sick tyrant was dying slow
Had to go! Had to go! Had to go!
Original Lyrics:
Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Let It Snow"
Better Lyrics:
Howard Stern's appearance is frightful
Shock-jock's air talk is also vile
Now American Idol
What a blow! What a blow! What a blow!
Original Lyrics:
Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Let It Snow"
Better Lyrics:
Suzanne Somers acting was frightful
But her curves were so delightful
"Three's Company" sitcom show
Chrissy Snow! Chrissy Snow! Chrissy Snow!
Original Lyrics:
Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Little LuLu"
Better Lyrics:
To my Dalmation: Mr. Leo, Mr. Leo with freckles on his chin
Always in and out of trouble, but mostly always in.
Original Lyrics:
Little Lulu, Little Lulu with freckles on her chin
Always in and out of trouble, but mostly always in
Using Daddy's necktie for the tail on your kite
Using Moma' lipstick for the letter you write.
Submitted by: Margo
Traditional's, "Lizzie Borden (Took An Axe)"
Better Lyrics:
Gov. Christie is really fat
Health is where it once was at
Lanes closed left NJ stunned
2016- his run now done???
Original Lyrics:
Lizzie Borden took an axe
Gave her mother forty whacks
When she saw what she had done
She gave her father forty-one
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Mary Had A Little Lamb"
Better Lyrics:
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere the lamb would go
It sure did stink :-D
Original Lyrics:
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall"
Better Lyrics:
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall,
Ninety-nine bottles of beer,
Get a flamethrower and burn them all,
Zero bottles of beer on the wall!
Original Lyrics:
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall,
Ninety-nine bottles of beer,
If one of those bottles should happen to fall,
Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall
Submitted by: Jeffrey Hope
Traditional's, "Pat-a-Cake"
Better Lyrics:
Matty Cake, Matty Cake, Baker man!

Roll up the dough as fast as you can!

Pat it and prick it and mark it with "M"!

Put it in the oven for Matty and me!
Original Lyrics:
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man!

Bake me a cake as fast as you can!

Pat it and prick it and mark it with "B"!

Put it in the oven for baby and me!
Submitted by: Mickey D.
Traditional's, "Row Your Boat"
Better Lyrics:
Roll roll roll your joint, gently down the line

Take a whiff of this spliff and blow your fucking mind!
Original Lyrics:
Row row row your boat, gently down the stream

Merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream!
Submitted by: Captain Cannibas
Traditional's, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Better Lyrics:
Blow, blow, blow your nose
On your left long sleeze,
Messily messily, messily, messily
Hear your mom scream!!!
Original Lyrics:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream,
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
Better Lyrics:
He knows if you've been good or bad
So be bad for badness sake :-D
Original Lyrics:
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Scarborough Fair"
Better Lyrics:
Will you be at the school Christmas fair?
Doing sums and telling the time,
Remember me,
the pupil who failed,
blame it on that teacher of mine.
Original Lyrics:
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley,sage,rosemary and thyme,
remember me to one who lives there,
she once was a true love of mine.
Submitted by: Natasha
Traditional's, "School Days, School Days (1907)"
Better Lyrics:
Smoke haze, smoke haze
Tyrant Assad rule days
Huntin' and fightin' the "terrorists"
With tanks, artillery, and armed gunships
Scores have fallen in Aleppo
Due to import Russian arms flow
While the West still debates
An "active" role
While massacres captured on vids...

Original Lyrics:
School days, school days
Dear old golden rule days
Readin' and 'ritin' and 'rithmetic
Taught to the tune of the hickory stick
You were my queen in calico
I was your bashful barefoot beau
And you wrote on my slate
"I love you, so"
When we were a couple of kids

Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Simple Simon"
Better Lyrics:
Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me smell your hair"
Original Lyrics:
Simple Simon met a pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware"
Submitted by: Cram Senshaw
Traditional's, "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"
Better Lyrics:
My eyes have seen the orgy
Of the coming of their hoarde
The trampling down of marriage
The biological ignored
They choose the unnatural as exciting
A claim as God-given born
The lie is moving on...
Original Lyrics:
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the coming of the Lord
He is trampling out the vintage
Where the grapes of wrath are stored
He has loosed the fateful lightening
Of His terrible swift sword
His truth is marching on

Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "The First Noel"
Better Lyrics:
Samuel L. Jackson sings:

Oh Hell, Oh Hell,
Oh Hell, Oh Hell,
"Oh Hell No!!!" Is the line I most yell...

Muthaf-ckas!
Original Lyrics:
Noel, Noel,
Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider"
Better Lyrics:
The homophobic player
Chose to run his mouth
Out came his hate
Sayin' Gays should "stay out"

Niners were stunned
He caused them all such pain
So the homophobic player
Apologized in shame
Original Lyrics:
The Itsy-Bitsy spider
Ran up the water spout
Out came the rain
And washed the spider out

Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the Itsy-Bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe"
Better Lyrics:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do
She gave them some broth without any bread
Then whipped them all soundly and said,
"I wish you were dead"

(It's not nice to make death wishes on other people.)
Original Lyrics:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do
She gave them some broth without any bread
Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed
Submitted by: Kaylub
Traditional's, "Twelve Days Of Christmas"
Better Lyrics:
first day of christmas my true love gave to me a beer
Original Lyrics:
first day of christmas my true love gave to me
a partridge in a pear tree
Submitted by: Teresa Follows
Traditional's, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"
Better Lyrics:
Twinkle twinkle little can
How I wonder why you're rusting
Lying on a pile of trash
Like a raisin in my soup

This parody of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" doesn't rhyme at all. I heard Oscar the Grouch parody "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in an old, old episode of "Sesame Street," and that's what inspired me to add this one to the site. ;-D
Original Lyrics:
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky

The real nursery rhyme doesn't make much sense, as there are no diamonds in the sky. Perhaps they're comparing the stars to diamonds?
Submitted by: Isac
Traditional's, "Winter Wonderland"
Better Lyrics:
A beautiful sight, I'm happy tonight

Walkin' round in women's underwear
Original Lyrics:
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight

Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Submitted by: Brian
Traditional's, "Winter Wonderland"
Better Lyrics:
How Obama wants to be a showman
With the Iranian bomb showdown
He says, "Tough sanctions" will lead a world plan
Keeping an air strike option still around

Even as he aspires
Israel plans to take fire
To strike unafraid, the Persian nuke plague
Waitin' to bomb volatile Iran
Original Lyrics:
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is possum brown
He'll say, "Are you married?", we'll say, "No man!"
But you can do the job when you're in town

Later on we'll conspire
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid, the plans that we made
Walkin' in a winter wonderland
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Yankee Doodle"
Better Lyrics:
Marco Rubio faced Jeb down
Said he was a phony
Was surprised when Jeb struck back
When it came to Amnesty!

Chorus:
Marco Rubio, keep it up
Marco Rubio, (third place) maybe!
Trump and Cruz have over-stepped
REP Establishment boundaries!

Jeb Bush out, low energy!!!
Original Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to town
A-riding on a pony
He stuck a feather in his hat
And called it macaroni

Chorus:
Yankee Doodle, keep it up
Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the music and the step
and with the girls be handy!
Submitted by: Robert D. Arndt Jr.
Traditional's, "Yankee Doodle"
Better Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to London, riding on a turtle,

Turned the corner just in time to see a lady's girdle.
Original Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to London, riding on a pony;

Stuck a feather in his hat and call'd it "Macaroni."
Submitted by: Doug Montgomery
Traditional's, "Yankee Doodle"
Better Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a kitty
Stuck a feather in his hat
And called it very pretty

I got the inspiration for these lyrics from watching Sesame Street. Don Music sang "Yankee Doodle" and played it on his piano, but he couldn't for the life of him think of a rhyme for "pony." So he improvised and substituted "kitty" for "pony," and he used the words "very pretty" because "pretty" rhymes with "kitty." But the lyrics don't make any sense because nobody can ride to town on a kitty. It's literally impossible to so much as SIT on a kitty because one is too big to sit on a kitty. If you try to sit on a kitty, you may end up squashing him or her, so I don't suggest you try it. lol
Original Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a pony
Stuck a feather in his hat
and called it macaroni.

BTW: "Macaroni," in this sense, doesn't mean elbow macaroni. The term "macaroni" in the song "Yankee Doodle" refers to a wig called the Macaroni. This type of wig was an extreme fashion in the 1770s and became contemporary slang for foppishness. The Macaronis adopted feminine mannerisms, and the men were deemed 'effeminate.' Thus, the British were insinuating that the colonists were womanish and not very masculine. Source: Wikipedia.org
Submitted by: Plain Jane Pauley Perrette
Traditional's, "Yankee Doodle"
Better Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a chicken;


Stuck a finger up his butt and call'd it "Finger Lickin'."
Original Lyrics:
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony;


Stuck a feather in his hat and call'd it "Macaroni."
Submitted by: KFC ROX + RULZ!

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