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Song Parodies -> "Smaller Hauls"

Original Song Title:


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Parody Song Title:

"Smaller Hauls"

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The Lyrics

Grocery shopping. Lots of ups and downs can be had. One hint I'll give: don't buy all the things!
When you go shoppin', I watch all of my plans go
Down the toilet 'cause you always buy tons
You buy milk, bread, soft drinks, meat, chips, jam, lots of other shite
Swear it takes until midnight to pack it all up
I'll keep complainin' 'til it sinks in your skull
This is the reason you're always low on credit
Never run out of food, true, but the process always wears me out
Should hear my shoulders moan each time that I lift shit
Listen to me

Please start buyin' smaller hauls
You don't have to fill the car up, restraint won't kill you
I know that it's hard to break from your way, I've been there, sucks balls
But I think you buy too much crap

When I said I had a problem with liftin'
"Sign me up for gym" I didn't mean
I know my limits, won't lift what I can't handle
But all you can say is "Should take more trips, you see"
Already know that, though I should say I'm thankful
You stopped overloadin' the bags, that's great
But even though I take in one at a time
There's just so many, a toll's simply gonna take
Y'all don't hear me (mmm-mmm)

Please start buyin' smaller hauls (hauls)
Ev'ry time you fill the car up, I kinda fear for you (I fear for you)
Because once you've Tetris'd yourself in place, you can't see worth balls (your place, a bad place)
Obvious you buy too much crap
Please start buyin' smaller hauls
Not fillin' out ev'ry cupboard we have won't kill you
I know it'll take some time for your brain to switch to it all
But you must stop buyin' this crap

Before you head down there today, think we should brainstorm
What kinda stuff we need, okay? Can't wing it, 'cause that's a pain
It means you always buy whole-ass shelf displays
Just wait, check what's made to stay and thus doesn't need to be replaced
We don't need truckloads of food, know who lives here? Just us two
And the house is just way too small to host any big do
It's true, stop tellin' yourself the lie
That at any random time, our half-a-car drive
Will just be full of folks who want a whole banquet, no
That won't happen, no damn way, even if it did, there is a way:
Send away for pizza, way less shoulder cramp pain
And don't say you'll go each day, that isn't less insane
The same friggin' pain still gains that way, just climbs a little slower, I
Don't think you're thinkin' straight, just skimp on shoppin', alright
Take a little long vacation while I do it and soon
We won't have packed shelves, but we'll have cash and fewer feuds

I'll be buyin' smaller hauls
I won't get distracted by the bargains like you do
Got a couple weeks to plan it, okay? Fridge is full as balls (oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)
We've sure got a lot of spare crap (oh, a lot of spare crap)
I'll be buyin' smaller hauls (real small, real small)
Not okay with improvisin' lists like you're used to
I'm sure you can put all my lot away, won't be hard as balls
'Cause there's no extraneous crap

I swear I didn't deliberately plan to parody a song that Weird Al also did the day after Matthias started his Weird Al Revisited project. Just a coincidence due to the nonsense system I use to determine what parodies I write.

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Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

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