I woke up Monday morning
But I wasn't in my bed
It was a giant armadillo
Underneath myself instead
I wondered “where's he going?
Maybe Boston or Berlin?”
But we traveled to the sun
Where we discovered
There on the solar wind
Sailors heading for our world
To kidnap Leno's chin
'Cause it's owner would become king
And owner of the royal bathtub gin
But I told them what they wanted
Would anger Leno's fans
“Your plan is unstable
So just watch him on cable”
And they turned around and ran
I know this sounds like a crazy story
But I swear it is the truth
I know this sounds like a crazy story
And you ain't heard the worst
'Cause a giant spud
(It weighed a ton)
Was having fun
While trying some baton stunts
When it fell into a hole
Where midget clowns cut it into fries, man
Then the people were all polled
And asked just what they're proud of
And they all answered singing this refrain:
“Well, bending my thumb
And a good proper noun
And hiding from my brain”
Sounds just like a crazy story
But I swear it is the truth
I know this sounds like a crazy story
And you ain't heard the worst
'Cause I heard the thud
Of a harpoon gun
Shooting a nun
But it bounced off her head
As she was speeding in a jeep
And loudly praying for forgiveness
Then some panic stricken sheep
Who were running from the shaver
Joined the high school marching band
But their music was the dullest
So they let the shaver man
Give them all a mullet
Tell me that you understand
Sounds just like a crazy story
But I swear it is the truth
I know this sounds like a crazy story
And it started with thirst
You hand me a Bud
Not another one
Had twenty-one
I think I'm done