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Song Parodies -> "Conceive"

Original Song Title:


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The Lyrics

I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes I start wondering if it might be time for me to start thinking about having kids. And then I remember that I can't even stick with the same guy for longer than what seems like 14 minutes...(see my collected works) I am at a loss. Luckily, in this day and age, we "picky" girls have some options...down at the local sperm bank...
No matter how hard I try
I can't seem to land a guy
One whose heart is true
Who won't drive me cuckoo

It's so sa-ee-ad and I'm grievin'
Feels like ti-ee-me is-a leavin'
Looked left and right to find the one
To father my daughter or son


Should I conceive a life without love?
Doctor, put something inside me, hey
A couple of tries should be enough
I could conceive a life without love
Med-i-cal wonders of modern days
Elim-i-nate need for love 'n stuff

What's a pretty girl to do?
Got this catalog to choose
Want his brain intact
And no hair on his back

All I fi-ee-ind is Mister Wrong
Wanted lo-ee-ove for so long
So many lines I've listened to
But now my dating days are through


If I conceive a life without love
Wouldn't matter if he's straight or gay
If his 'little guys' are strong enough
I could conceive a life without love
I'll just choose a vial and then I'll pay
'Cause I think I've waited long enough

Well I know that I could do this
But I'm wondrin' if it's wrong
Not to need men anymore
Me? Not need men anymore?
Would I need men anymore?
And would they need ME anymore??

Should I conceive a life without love?
I'm a single girl ready to play
I don't think that I've played long enough
I can't conceive a life without love
Gotta stick it out until the day
I find a real man who's strong enough

I won't conceive a life without love
Gotta stick it out until the day
I find a real man who's strong enough
I won't conceive a life without love
Gotta stick it out until the day
I find a real man who's strong enough

(repeat and fade)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   11

User Comments

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Serafina - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Arwen!! Nice to see another great parody from you! Seems like it's been awhile. You did a fabulous job of spoofing a song that I am not particularly fond of (I also am not particularly fond of Cher for that matter); I remember how overplayed the original was when it first came out. I enjoy this!! ;)

I am also 30 (I'll be 31 the middle of July), so I can relate to a few things you wrote here. I can be sure I haven't found the right guy for me either, so.. I'm sure the time will come for both of us someday. Anyway, have a nice day!! =)
Kristof Robertson - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Wonderful!! Reflective, but still very funny. You may now be 30, babe...but you're still ONLY 30! Don't give up me, your 30s can be a wonderful decade. 555
alvin rhodes - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
meanwhile, you're giving birth to some very good parodfies
Stephen Harrington - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree, 555. I've never looked into relationships myself, so I haven't had much girls interested in me(And I'm 29, maybe it's time to look).
Red Ant - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Whoa, do I hear a clock ticking?! My wife and I have discussed having kids but every time I see some two year old screaming his/her lungs out my mind is swayed to the no side. Besides, I have a hairy back and we don't want little Sasquatches running around the house. ;-)
Larry Hensley - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, another old geezer. :-) But at least you can still be funny. Good stuff with the inflections. 5's
Rex - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
You could also look into cloning. Be the first on your block to be the second on your block.
Mr. X - February 15, 2006 - Report this comment
I also despise TOS but enjoy the parody.
hmmm... - February 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Quoting a comment from another parody: "Arwen's lazy ass needs to get over here to thank her admirers. I'll get the picture."
to "hmmm..." - February 18, 2006 - Report this comment
She probably hasn't had time to come over here yet. People get busy with things, you know.
Arwen - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh HERE I am. Sorry about that.

Serafina...thanks, ma'am. I'm confident, as well, that my time will come. The truth of the matter is that I'm actually a little worried that it will come before I am REALLY ready for it. I am a VERY "things are only appealing until I actually have them" type of girl. Which isn't such a good thing...

Kristof...considering that EVERYTHING I do is fabulous...I'm sure you're right about my 30s...; ) Thanks!

alvin...awww, thanks! And, on another bright note, I'm pretty sure THIS birthing process is less painful. For me, anyway...; )

Stephen...nah. Relationships are highly overrated. And that's coming from a girl who has looked into them a LOT. ; ) Thanks!

Red Ant...if only every hairy backed man were as socially conscious as you are. Thank YOU. Seriously. ; )'m not so sure I'm down with being called a geezer. As old as I am, I'm still younger than most of the folks around here...; )

Rex...hehehe...nice. But I honestly don't think that the world could handle another me. ; )

Mr. X...thanks very much!!

hmmm...I have to tell you that I'm exceptionally proud of the fact that you resisted the urge to take on my name and thank everyone for me. Baby steps, my friend. And thanks, too, for quoting me. If you're going to quote anyone, while calling my ass lazy, I always prefer that it's me.

to hmmm...Thanks for sticking up for me...=) I really wasn't too busy. Just a slacker. Good thing I'm just so freaking adorable. It's true...Mr. Pacholek would have never put up with me this long if it weren't...; )
Stuart McArthur - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
"Want his brain intact - And no hair on his back" should have read...
"Want his brain quite dead - And no hair on his head"

or have you and Vin had a falling-out? (JUST kidding!, stop with the pouting...NOW!....oh god)

I saw your reply on Latest Comments and thought 'now why didn't she thank me?' and then I saw I hadn't commented, which explained it in one...
anyway Arwen, just like winning a SOTM, your time surely isn't far away - LOL - 555
Stuart McArthur - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
PS: Even bigger LOL on the "baby steps" line!
Arwen - February 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart...sorry for the delay on thanking you. I might have been off with Mr. Diesel doing everything under the sun that is the opposite of having a falling out...

...or I might have just missed your comment somehow. Sorry about that.

Anyway...thanks very much. I've had this one in my head for a while, and honestly never thought to infiltrate a Diesel devoted line into it...which is so unlike me, I'm a bit scared. Perhaps in the sequel...

As for me winning a SOTM...I'm afraid that my time for finding Mr. Right will come before that happens. If only because to win said contest, you really do need to be submitting parodies. Which, sadly, I haven't been doing much of lately. =(

Also, my plot to have all the superior parodists on the site 'taken care of' has yet to come to fruition. Dammit.

Jeff Reuben - March 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Read like a well-thought out decision =) How did you conceive such an idea?
Arwen - March 02, 2006 - Report this comment
=) Thanks, Jeff.
Ashkicksass - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Dammit Jeff for stealing my comment! I was actually going to say "I couldn't conceive of a better parody" but it was too similar for it not to seem like I copied him. Jeff you are a bastard. Arwen, you are FABULOUS, and so is this!
Arwen - March 15, 2006 - Report this comment know that I agree with you on every point. This parody is wonderful...and Jeff is a bastard. No wonder we get along so well.
Cher_the_Love - October 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, a Cher parody that actually doesn't make fun of Cher!! Well now, that's BONUS points! lol But yeah i think this is really funny and very well done! keep up the good work! Peace N Love!! BerLeigh - March 14, 2007 - Report this comment
hehe well, usually if any1 makes fun of Cher i'd kick his ass D= ! but man, this song is hillarious! haha! luv it !

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