When elected, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the MP representing you
And I'll serve you, and I'll do it honestly
And honestly, I'll do my hardest work for you

What I'm spending, I'll spend with integrity
And honesty so my expenses will be few
And if I ever show a slight duplicity
I'm gonna be the man who's voted out by you


But I could claim 500 pounds
And I could claim 500 more
Then I'll be a man who claimed a thousand pounds
And for what? I'm not sure


When I'm working, I'll claim for a cup o' tea
A cup o' tea that's a few pennies claimed from you
Soon I'm feeling it's like everything is free, so
I'll pass almost every penny claim to you

When I come home (When I come home)
Well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be claiming the train fare home to you
And if I work late, then I know I'm gonna need
I'm gonna need to get a second home there, too


So I can claim 5000 pounds
Then I can claim 5000 more
Then I could claim one more 10,000 pounds
Hope no-one's keeping score

Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum


When in London.. yes, I need a new TV
A new TV that's got a plasma screen or two
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream
Dreaming in a bed paid for by you

When I go out, well I know I'm gonna eat
I'm gonna eat at a nice restaurant for two
When the bill comes, plus the tip for 20p
I'm gonna see that you are claiming it back, too
Because I'm just as incorruptible as you

Now I can claim 10,000 pounds
And I will claim 10,000 more
Just because the limit's 20,000 pounds
Now I'm a greedy whore

Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Greedy bastard (greedy bastard!)
Scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum, diddle, scum, scum, scum

Now I can claim 10,000 pounds
And I will claim 10,000 more
Just because the limit's 20,000 pounds
And I'm a greedy whore