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Song Parodies -> "Walk With Some Restriction"

Original Song Title:

"Walk Like An Egyptian"

Original Performer:

The Bangles

Parody Song Title:

"Walk With Some Restriction"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Since I've just had my birthday and am tumbling inexorably towards 40, I thought I'd dedicate this to all the guys who have had to deal with "middle-age spread" and their subsequent total denial of it.....
All your old denims won't fit you
You've got a fat ass, don't ya know?
If you move too quick (oh-whey-oh)
They'll split and put all your goods on show
In your younger days, you were lithe
But take a look what you've become
A couch potat(oh-whey-oh)
Days of Our Lives; pretzels by the ton..

Oil your skin, suck your tummy in; go
"Ay! Oh! Ay! Oh! Hey; no way-oh"
Walk with some re-stric-tion

The blonde babes in clubs shake their rumps
You waddle up and you say hello
"You wanna dance?""No way-oh!"
Because you move like C3PO
All the school kids giggle and point
You're an eclipse blocking out the sun
Jeans begin to smoke (oh-whey-oh)
Your thighs are causing fric-ti-on

Golly gosh, do your nuts get squashed?
Oh yay-oh whey-oh, Ay-oh-whey-oh
Walk with some re-stric-tion

Get your legs in first, bend your back
Grit your teeth, start to grunt and sweat
But your fly won't zip (no way-oh)
Those ten éclairs surely you'll regret
Yesterday, got stopped by a cop
He said your pants are in dire straits
Seams stand no chance (no way-oh)
Moving apart like tectonic plates

Like the Japanese Sumo guys
Your underpants all are super-size
But you won't wear sweats (no way-oh)
Are you unwilling to compromise?

You're a blimp on an ego trip
In pain-oh, strain-ohhey, no mo' ma-yo
Walk with some re-stric-tion
Walk with some re-stric-tion

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   26

User Comments

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AFW - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
This is a perfect fit, Kristof...Highjeanic humor at it's best..
Rick C - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Tons of fun here! High 5s
Adagio - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Very funny, Kristof! :D 5's
Lee (O-Jay-O) - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Love the "couch potat(oh whey oh)" bit and the "moving like C3P0" lines. Actually, I love what you did with all the "way-o", "mayo", etc. lines. Great stuff.
Rex - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Some call it middle-age spread - others call it supersizing. Love the tectonic plates line.
Red Ant - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
EXERCISE Kristof !! 555 for this parody.
alvin rhodes - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
funny concept and execution...5s
MrMacphisto - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Happy birthday, Kristof... now I know what to look forward to in about 14 years. :)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Thickly spread brilliance.
Susanna Viljanen - May 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey, I'm a bit over thirty and I can still fit in my old high school jeans :) But I was there a couple of years ago until I found the low-carb dieting. 555!
Stuart McArthur - May 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Leo pinched the 2 things I was gonna highlight, Kristof ( sad face) - I've done this OS too, with great difficulty, so I thought - Let's see what Kristof does - blown away I was - 555

btw here's my favourite line ever from a sitcom (and not my favourite sitcom either - by a long shot).....

from "Golden Girls".....
Bea's character: "What are those?"
Young spunky girl: "Leg warmers - they keep my legs warm.
What do you use to keep your legs warm?"
Bea's character: "Friction"
Kristof Robertson - May 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone...this was much harder to write than I initially thought. Stu...LOL for the Golden Girls quote!
Serafina - May 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Hehe...good one! I'm gonna be 30 in a couple months, and all my clothes fit me well. And I eat well, so I'm not too out of shape. I do wear heels a lot, though, so I might walk with some restriction myself. Anyway, this was a really great parody, and I'm gonna award it with a perfect 5-5-5 vote.

P.S.: Happy belated birthday! =)
Michael Pacholek - May 10, 2005 - Report this comment
From "The Honeymooners," with Ralph finding another crazy harebrained scheme: "Alice, this is the biggest thing I ever got into!" Alice: "The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants!"
John Jenkins - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
A lot of very good lines, and for some reason tectonic plates stands out for me.
Steven Cavanagh - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Hope you can squeeze in some more fives.
Johnny D - May 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I like middle-age spread on toasted bagels, with coffee and donuts.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, as someone who's always been moving as C3PO the first 5 minutes in the morning (long story, some other time) that is inevitably my favorite line.
Agrimorfee - January 24, 2006 - Report this comment
I thought this was going to be about physical therapy at first. tee hee, good funny song! 555
Red Ant - January 25, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABCW) Still great with TMGLTM, but "In pain-oh, strain-oh…hey, no mo' ma-yo…" was the best.
bobpiecheese - January 25, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABCW) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Love it. Especially the 'put your goods on show' line.
Matthias - January 26, 2006 - Report this comment
So many good jokes, if I didn't think you were mocking me I'd give you fives.... Oh what the hell... 5's!!!
tomario - January 27, 2006 - Report this comment
"tectonic plates " made i chuckle awsome parody
Stuart McArthur - February 04, 2006 - Report this comment
ABCW - a pleasure to revisit, Kristof - "Golly gosh, do your nuts get squashed? " - LOL!
Johnny D - February 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC) And I like Vegemite, too (not kidding). See above!
Rick C - February 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC05) "A couch potat(oh-whey-oh)" and many other lines make this a delight to read, Kristof. 555
Larry Hensley - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Hugely funny, many great lines.
Jeff Reuben - February 06, 2006 - Report this comment
ABC: Yuk yuk yuk. Excellent job to an old favorite (hey, they were hot)
Johnny D - May 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC Finals) Yes, I really do like Vegemite!
Matthias - February 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Yes, I'm a big guy too, although I'm nowhere near reaching 40, I can really relate to this song. This song is really difficult, but you pulled it off with flying colors.
Agrimorfee - February 27, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Nice to see this one squeeze itself into our collective pants again.
littleCupCakes - February 27, 2008 - Report this comment
555 for this pant(ing) parody! My dates with Mr StairMaster have paid off . . . So success can be found with excercise, even after age 35!
Rex - March 01, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Glad you got a chance to reprise this tightly-written parody.
bobpiecheese - March 03, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Woah! Zombie parody, much? This was back from when I sucked. Still brilliant.
stuart mcarthur - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
(art) hilarious as always, KR - loved the C3PO line the most this time, but the whole thing was packed with your comic inventions
Below Average Dave - March 06, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Hilarious parody Kristof, I liked the idea, and the execution was just on the money. . .other than some parts I think would be a bit dicey on recording, that could easily be forced, I think this one was great. Oh, and Rex, that was very punny of you.
Invisible Boy - March 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Not much that hasn't been said...Super funny and well done

"Moving apart like tectonic plates" is a image I don't need in my head :-)

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