She can't seem to hang up her act
Her hair's on end, 'coz it's been dyed and waxed
She can't sleep, 'coz her roots are wired
Her skin's dead, and her brain just retired

Phyllis Diller
Strolls your way
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Better run, run
Then drive away

She starts a routine that's been milkman delivered
She's talking a lot, but her follicles keep gossiping
When she has nothing to say, her lips congeal
Face lift done twice, done many times again

Phyllis Diller
Scares kids 'way
Pa Pa Pa Pa
Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma
Before they run, run
They leave a rouge tray

"They say I"m fake - but I'm not.
Let's see them make - arched brows hot.
Meet Raneeto Komiskwat.
He fills my wrinkles in special ways."

Wa Wa Wa
Wa Wa Wa Wa What?
She is vain and we know why
Her face melts when it's caught in sunlight

Phyllis Diller
Lives, you say?
Uh Huh Huh Huh
Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh
Better sell her rouge
On EBay