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Song Parodies -> "Billiards"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Meant for Ages Event 5. If it doesn't go through, who cares? Remember, 'billiards' is said as 'bill-yards' or whatever.
It's time to chalk cues
And set the balls up, now it's time to play
Will not lose to you
Don't think so, no sir, no losing today

You try to aim
But sweat will make you miss the ball completely
May be a game
That doesn't mean I'll play a bit more fair
No need to swear

We're playin' billiards
Chalk your cue
And if you sink the black ball 'fore the rest
That's when you lose
I'm lovin' billiards
And I'll bet
That if I'm six ahead
I'll get to take your, eat your French fries!

I love the sound of
The plop that balls make when you sink them in
And there's the snap from
Your mind exploding when you know I'll win

You wince your eyes
Because you've just set me up for the 5 ball
You realize
That it was not so smart to challenge me
Now for the 3

I rule at billiards!
All the time
You've still got seven balls or so to sink
I'm on the 9
I've won at billiards
Once again
You almost sunk the 10
But I still owned you, p4wn3d U, tonight!

Nine balls are sunk
And you've still got all your balls on the table
There's no surrender or the throwing in of the towel
(Time's run out)
You have to play, can't step down!

I can't belive you
You wanna play again? You've lost your mind
Prepare to lose, fool
You shouldn't mess with the skills that are mine
The time has come
For you to stop playing me 'cause I'm better
Again I've won
Should save yourself from copping all this crap
Like you're on crack

You've lost at billiards
No sunk balls
Although you've beat the rest, up against me
You lose them all
Man, this is billiards
Not ping-pong
Just stop smoking your bong
And just start winning, owning,
Singing, grinning here tonight!

You sick of billiards?
Well, no duh
If I kept losing to some stuck-up prat
I'd quit for sure
Want some more?
I'm starting to get bored
'Cause I keep bragging, taunting

Let's play some billiards tonight!

("Rap" by the poor sod who keeps getting 0wn3d)
All my balls are on the felt
They're never sunk, my heart it melts
Backspins, jumps and other tricks
Employed by him, it makes me sick

All who face him always lose
Some turn to drugs, some turn to booze
Some stand and say that he's a prick
He says "I know" and pulls his stick

The men defeated hang around
To see who'll try to take him down
And fools who bet on who will win
Will lose their food, their drinks in tins

And though some try to kick his ass
We need some kind of wizard
For no mere mortal can defeat
The master of the billiards

(Sound of another game starting,with the laughter of the master, and
the soft music played to ease the uncomforting silence)
Ironically, I actually SUCK at billiards. Sorry for the 1337 speak there, I could not resist!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   5

User Comments

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Matthias - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Great take on reconizing a sport that many people overlook, 5 balls sunk
Jack Wilson - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Loved it! 555!
Jonathan S. - March 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny for the most part...but I really could have done without the profanity and possible double-entendre (He says, "I know" and pulls his stick). 5-3-4
tomario - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
a lot of work and you could probably play a rack by the time you've sang this good job 555
Wolverine - April 02, 2007 - Report this comment
(Ages) Well, I got lost reading to the YouTube video, but I'm guessing the MTV video MJ did for this didn't exactly follow the album recording. Beyond that, very funny, and I loved the "rap" at the end.And John S. - I must be missing something, what profanity?
Below Average Dave - April 03, 2007 - Report this comment
(AGES). . .Awww Conq. . .you did so well but you only parodied the radio edit. . .what you did of it was very very very good, and it will almost deffinitely make my top 5, but the actually Thriller is longer than this. . .I did not take away from your effort here though--I thought you did a superb job, and it is from the same album as my parody for this round--which I find interesting:)
Agrimorfee - April 06, 2007 - Report this comment
(Ages) Snookered with a 545 in the corner pocker.
Agrimorfee - April 06, 2007 - Report this comment
corner POCKET, that is.
Michael McVey - April 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Sounds like Minnesota Fats isn't pooling around! 5 ball in the corner pocket.
Jack Wilson - April 09, 2007 - Report this comment
See above, and great job on a hard song to parody!
Jonathan S. - April 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Wolverine: "What profanity?" THOSE THREE PROFANITIES IN THE RAP! "P***K," "S*D" AND "A**!" Take another look at the "Rap" section, becuase you indeed missed them.

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