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Song Parodies -> "Flat"

Original Song Title:

"Bad"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Michael Jackson

Parody Song Title:

"Flat"

Parody Written by:

Cat

The Lyrics

Late bloomer, shlate bloomer. If something doesn't happen to me, and FAST, I might as well go join the Old Spinster Club.
I've got no breasts
Yeah, it's sad but true
On scales of 10
I'm less than 2
My concave chest
Has no appeal
Hooting jackass guys
They mock and squeal
Bug off! Bug off!
Pepper spray you tonight...

My real cup size
is Minus A
I try to stuff
It falls away
Shirts fit me huge
And now, to boot,
I have to buy
Custom swimsuits

Well you say that you've seen smaller
Then you haven't looked at mine
Don't you try to go and grope me
You'll waste your precious time...

Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I make Calista Flockhart look HUGE
It is really plain to see–I'm flat!

I'll never strut
Down the catwalk
At the boobless girls
Guys just don't gawk
Push-ups don't work
It is quite the nerve!
Parabolas
Are there–no curves
The locker room's
No good to me
They have melons
Mine are cherries

If I ever have a baby
Yes, even he will complain
And the countless swimsuit issues
Are weighing on my brain

Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
And I'm shocked that they make bras in my size
It's an un-for-tun-ate fact...I'm flat!

If you're big, then stop your whining
There are worse things than back pain
You can bet no guys will ogle
If I wear shirts in the rain!

Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!

Gah! Gah! Gah!
(And Kansas looks mountainous next to me let me tell you once again...)

Because I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
It's true, I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
You see I'm flat! I'm flat!
I'm really really flat!
Need a microscope to see them–so small
Let me tell you once again...who's flat?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 5   18
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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Beautifully written, Cat... I guess that if there were "before" and "after" pictures, this one might come as the "after": http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/disney12.shtml ;-)
Tommy Turtle - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
My humble opinion was expressed in "Fake Knockers" http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/shirleybassey13.shtml. You sound like my kinda gal, Cat! "A"s are Fives to me!!! (but then, I'm used to gals with plastrons 'stead of bosoms.)
Matthias - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow! This a great competer for my Wet T-Shirt Contest... Well, in a real Wet T-Shirt contest you'd loose, but in this one... you rock!!!
Cat - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks guys! And I really appreciate that, Tommy. =) As you can see in "Cat's Confession," I clearly have unconventional taste in guys...so I'll have to find me a guy with equally unconventional taste!
Stuart McArthur - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Parabolas!! LOL! Like Matthias said, this has to go into his Wet T-Shirt comp (where no guys'll ogle) - brilliant self-deprecating wit, Cat, and a great take on the OS
Rick C - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, you milked this OS for all it's worth! 555
Red Ant - April 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Ditto Stu's comment. This is great work Cat.
Jeff Reuben - April 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(Wet T-Shirt) Hilarious! I love the self-depricating humor. I wish you mounds...of success in the contest =)
Adagio - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
(WET T-SHIRT) Good one, Cat!!'s
S.T.G. - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
A masterpiece in itself.
bobpiecheese - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(WET T-SHIRT) OMG...that was hilarious!!! I have to agree with Rick C here...brilliant!!!
Dee Range - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
The lines about the baby complaining, and Kansas looking mountainous, were spectacularly funny. This is one of your best, Cat...and that's a mouthful in and of itself. Triple 5 cups
Red Ant - April 23, 2006 - Report this comment
(Wet T-shirt) "You can bet no guys will ogle/ If I wear shirts in the rain!" caught my attention - Cat, they may not ogle, but they will look. Really great work here, one of your breast, er, best.
Rick C - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(Wet T-Shirt) See comment above.
Michael McVey - September 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Very funny! I bet Spot (used to be my cat) had bigger ones (lol). So, uh, what would that be, 5.55AAA? -- MM
Stuart McArthur - September 06, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3F) still hilarious and brilliant, Cat (which rhymes, I just noticed - I hope nobody uses that!) - loved the Kansas and Callista references
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3) Hilarious parody in the Arwen Style. :) If it's any comfort, Cat, I don't see what the big deal is about big ones.
Red Ant - September 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABCF3) See above!
Johnny D - September 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC) Anything more than, well, something or other, is superfluous. HARUMPH, yes, well, 555, good parody, AHEM, yes! ;-)
Matthias - September 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Holy Tit this was good!!!
Max Power - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
ABC3F-Good
Jeff Reuben - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Still great...see above!
Rick C - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3-F) Still a flat out funny one, Cat.
Kristof Robertson - September 13, 2006 - Report this comment
What can I say about this, Cat, that doesn't make me sound creepy?....other than: FLAT OUT FABULOUS! 555
The Charnstar - September 13, 2006 - Report this comment
WHOA! THAT WAS FLANTASTIC!.... mmmm flan..... Great work Cat, 5-5-5
Jack Wilson - October 01, 2006 - Report this comment
The OS is one of my "no touchy" song, but this is awesome!

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