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Song Parodies -> "Master of Sucking"

Original Song Title:

"Master of Puppets"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Metallica

Parody Song Title:

"Master of Sucking"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

I don't actually suck at everything (when you see that word like that in this parody, it's four syllables, when it's 'ev'rything' it's three, m'kay?), but this poor sod sure does...
Ev'rything I play, know that I will fail
Tried some golf, got triple bogie!
Though the sky was clear
My shot's crap, I fear
Landed in the f*cking pool thing!

Play me, you will see
Scoring's not my thing
All that I can do
Losing things to you

Cuz you are stronger
You can run faster
You're just that better
And I'm the master
Master

Master of sucking at everything
Hope you don't mind if I break your things
Sorry I am, your bat's now in bits
Sure, call me lame, I'm used to these things
I suck
I suck
Sure, call me lame, I'm used to these things
I suck
I suck

Needlework is pain, why'd I try again?
Truth or dare is something I fear
Dared to do dumb things, though they often sting
"Stick your hand inside a blender"

Dare me to do things
And I will agree
I'm addicted to
Taking dares from you

Your dares get harder
I can't get better
I can't run faster
I can't get stronger
Stronger

Stronger, I suck so just shut up, please!
Open that jam jar? Climb up that tree?
Blinded I've been, by your 'oh, come on, please?'
Don't call my name, cuz you always trick me
I suck
I suck
Don't call my name, cuz you always trick me
I suck
I suck

(I suck, I suck)

I suck, I suck
Any wins are due to pure luck
I suck, I suck
Nothing wrong with my eyes
I suck, I suck
Any win is simple dumb luck
Pure luck, Pure luck
I'm used to it, guys
Really!

I can deal with that
Whinging is for twats
Must embrace my constant failure
Maybe I could make
Show called 'Crappy Days'
Film my loss and entertain ya

"One unlucky guy
Gets stabbed in the eye
By a pole vault prong"*
Part of the theme song?

With ev'ry failure
Ratings climb higher
A nice idea, yeah?
Cuz I'm the master
Master

Master of sucking at everything
Can't throw for shit, and I cannot sing
Blinded by the light in my microwave
I just stared at it, not good for my brain
I suck
I suck
Watch 'Crappy Days', ev'ry weeknight at eight!
I suck
I suck

[Fade out with painful screaming...]
*I don't think they're actually called that, but shite terminology must be sacrificed for rhyming reasons on this occasions.

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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Below Average Dave - March 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Blinded by the Light in My Microwave, that's a good line there, good twist on TOS, will leave a more in depth comment during the Metallica round, 5s
Phil Alexander - March 27, 2009 - Report this comment
I feel I was drawn to look at this parody under false pretences... I was expecting something altogether ruder ;-) Still, a fun read, and Dave has already highlighted my favourite stand-out line.
Matthias - March 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Looking forward to watching "Crappy Days" ever week night at 8. Is the Fonz going to be in it?
Agrimorfee - April 02, 2009 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Didn't you do some other parody about "dares"? It would have been funnier (albeit harder) to hear more about what the singer really sucks at, especially if it were simple things like tying a shoe or boiling water.
Rex - April 11, 2009 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Good theme song for the "Jackass" shows.
Below Average Dave - April 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Agri really caught my opinion well. . .the blinded by the light in my microwave is still my favorite line in this one.
Red Ant - April 15, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody did not suck. The rhymes could have been a bit a bit tighter, but nice work all the same. Lots of good lines.

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