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Song Parodies -> "Reclaimed Virgin"

Original Song Title:

"Like A Virgin"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Madonna

Parody Song Title:

"Reclaimed Virgin"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

I have no objection to young folk deciding to abstain from sexual relationships until they're married: in fact, I think it's admirable. But the current trend of "reclaiming" your virginity? Puh-lease...
She made a pledge to have no sex
Until she's wed to you
Though she's been around the block
More than once, it's true

At sixteenfive marines
Her friend's dadand Orlando Bloom
But her will is steel
You won't ge-e-et a feel
'Til you're a groom

Reclaimed virgin
Fresh like a rose in springtime
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thebusted hyme

Gonna practice abstinence, boy
About five years too late
She's "saving" herself for you
And you reply "Ohgreat"

Once a slutnow she's not
Served 'em quickjust like Pizza Hut
She became devout
Tells you "cu-u-ut it out
Coz my shop's now shut!"

Reclaimed virgin
She thinks that nobody knows
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Shame about thevideos

Ooohhooohh.ooohh

She's been badshe's been had
So have youdude, it's freakin' sad
You won't see her bod
Now it's o-o-owned by God
She's Janet; you're Brad!

Reclaimed virgin
Pure like min'ral H2O
Reclaimed vi-i-i-irgin
Once no "2", just
H & O

Reclaimed virginno, NO!
Reclaimed virgin
Touchdown's been denied
So you're takin'freezin' showersusing jazz mags
Uh-oh, no no nowoe, woe!
No "lay me"
All you hear's "get off, creep!"
Ev'ry single dang time

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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alvin rhodes - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
glad i was the first in....5s
Matthias - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
A great parody, about a great concept... Reclaimed virginity... Well, I guess if someone can sell their virginity on eBay...
Stephen Harrington - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
555, funny one this is. ^__^
John Barry - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
From the title, I thought this was going to be about Sir Richard Branson buying back company stock, but it's a Valentine's Day post, a day early. 5-5-5
AFW - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Reclaimed Virgin...love that title and idea...This is still at the top of the cherry tree..555
Luke Brattoni - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Glorious. The 'H20 - 2' gag was priceless. Flawless ruh-hymin' throughout. 555
Tommy Turtle - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
DK Madonna's music, but truer words never spoken...
Red Ant - February 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Hehehe, love this Kristof, you left me in stitches! I haven't heard of this trend though unless you are referring to the operation. Kegel exercises are the way to go though. 5s.
Larry Hensley - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
555, funny.
Kristof Robertson - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks for the votes and comments, everyone. Red Ant, check out www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/12.24.98/virgin1-9851.html to find out more. Cheers!
Phil Alexander - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
"Once a slut…now she's not/Served 'em quick…just like Pizza Hut" - very cutting, Kristof :-)
Red Ant - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
I read the article, this is a joke, right? Let me paste part of this gem paragraph:

"People who reclaim through the Society for the Recapture of Virginity receive a framed certificate, a wearable virgin badge and the Virginator, a special ring...". Uh-huh. This fad is a delusion, either you've done it or you haven't.

BTW, this parody is a hell of a lot funnier now that I know exactly what you are writing about.
Stuart McArthur - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Ha! Kristof, you deserve the 555 just for being the first person ever to use a "springtime/busted hyme" couplet - although, shame on me, and I hereby acknowledge that fellow wombat Luke is smarter than me, but what's the "H2O, no 2, just H&O" gag all about?? - 555
Rex - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
If I ever make it to the Virgin Islands they're gonna have to rename the place. Another masterpiece, Kristof!
Kristof Robertson - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Phil, Red Ant (it's ludicrous isn't it?) Stuart and Rex. Stu, I hate having to explain jokes, so I'd only do it for you bcause a) you're a mate, and b) dementia is clearly setting in. :-) Here goes.....H2O=water.....H&O=ho, which I believe is slang for w/ore. Oh well, at least Brattoni liked it. :-) Thanks all
Stuart McArthur - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
* bangs head slowly against wall *

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