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Song Parodies -> "Help, I Can't Reach"

Original Song Title:

"Papa Don't Preach"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Help, I Can't Reach"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Went to the store, I had some things to get
Shampoo, some salt, ice cream with a swirl
Should go alone by now
I'm not a baby

I'm quite a girl, I'm really strong
I'll be whining now before too long
If it's above my cart
Think you know what I'm saying

It makes me want to scream and shout
To ask for help, it just makes me pout
But now I must confess
Need someone to save me

Help, I can't reach
Need tea bags to steep
Help, I can't reach
Film with Meryl Streep
The one I'm tryna find
"Din-go took my baby!"
That dingo took her baby

It's not like you have to carry me
But please pull me down that new TV
Thank you, no that's all right
Won't buy at that price

Paper plates are several inches too far up
Wanted Egg Foo Young, I had to give it up
What I settled for
Was some Minute Rice

Help, I can't reach
Need a broom to sweep
Help, I can't reach
Took a running leap
Must've just lost my mind,
Went tum-bl-in' baby,
Through a display of gravy

Pardon, Laddy, don't check out; come help me
Just noticed you are six-foot-three
I'll give you five dollars right now
If you grab those gloves
Dishwashing gloves!
Oh, please!!

Help, I can't reach
I'll break down and weep
Help, I can't reach
Fresh'ner for my Jeep
If you wanna be kind
Just don't tell me maybe
Don't wanna hear no maybe

Help, I can't reach
A reward you'll reap
Help, I can't reach
My purse you can keep

Help, I can't reach
Don't be such a Creep
Help, I can't reach
You Son of a Bleep

(fade to end)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jeff Reuben - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Congrats on 100! Hope to join you soon. Short but sweet...and the song is good too. You might pout, but it's a great way to pick up guys. Well tall guys anyway.
Agrimorfee - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Sounds like a nightmarish trip to Costco or Sam's Club!
Serafina - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen...I absolutely love this! As a 5'5" gal, I can relate. I still remember your parody of Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me", which was also about not being able to reach the highest shelf. Anyway, this is one of my favorite parodies of yours, and I'm gonna award it with a perfect 5-5-5! :)

P.S.: Congratulations on your one hundredth parody! :D
John Barry - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Reach for some fives!
2Eagle - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
You got it with that song.
alvin rhodes - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
5' 6" here....i can relate...nice work on this one
Arwen - February 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeff...thanks for the congrats! And yes...I really am after the tall grocery stores and in think I've got it pretty good...=)

Agri...thanks! glad you like it! I thought about prefacing this with a "sequel" regard to the Pink parody...but, decided against it. The sharpest minds remember anyway! =) Thanks for the congrats, too!

John...stop teasing me! I'm on my tippy toes now! =) Thanks!

2Eagle...thank you!!

Alvin...glad to hear that I'm not alone...=) Thanks!
Scathe - February 26, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm 6'1" so I won't pretend to know how you feel. Awesome parody though.
Rex - February 26, 2005 - Report this comment
A worthy sequel to "Short People".
Arwen - February 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Scathe and Rex!
Ashkicksass - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Nothing makes me laugh harder than a running leap, but there were several lines in this that came close. Also, congrats on 100! Damn! I'd tell you to reach for the stars, but that would just be silly...
Arwen - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Ash...hehehe...thanks a lot!
Michael Pacholek - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Awright, Arwen hit 100! I knew she'd reach it! Or so to speak! Congratulations, Little Miss Elfin Magic! Serafina: Isn't Pink like five-foot-three? Which still made her the second-tallest performer in the "Lady Marmalade" cover. (Christina Aguilera is five-one, and they don't call Kim "Li'l" 'cause she's over five feet, 'cause she ain't. Mya towers over all of them at five-seven.)
Arwen - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
A million thanks to Michael...who really does know more than anyone in the world...sheesh. And I thought I was smart...=) Thanks, Mister Pacholek! Back in the day when I only had a couple parodies on the site, one of my goals was to finally win you over...=) I freaking RULE, don't I? ; )
Johnny D - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
"To ask for help, it just makes me pout" ... Ask for help, Arwen ... ask for help ... good ... oh that's good, that's good ... okay, okay, here are your 5's!
... - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey I liked it! Good job on the parody, and congratz on reaching a hundred.
Arwen - March 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnny...hee! Thanks, you naughty boy!

Ellipsis...thanks very much!
nally - April 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen...I looked at this one a month ago but didn't comment on it. I love it! Often times I've helped my 5' 1" mom when she hasn't been able to reach something, whether it be at the grocery store or at home (or anywhere). She's lucky to have a tall son like me (I'm 5' 10", by the way).
Arwen - April 02, 2005 - Report this comment
nally...she's lucky to have a son who'll help her out, too! Thanks!
Red Ant - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
555 Arwen. I stand corrected that DAK's parody is better. This is better paced but both are funny.
Blue Ant - July 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I like this one just as much as DAK's.

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