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Song Parodies -> "Jack LaLanne"

Original Song Title:

"Jack and Diane"

Original Performer:

John Cougar Mellencamp

Parody Song Title:

"Jack LaLanne"

Parody Written by:

Jan Unwin

The Lyrics

Little ditty, about Jack LaLanne
Back in the 60s he would cause my mama pain
Doing those situps upon the kitchen floor
She'd stop and have a cigarette, and then come back for more

Sippin' on some green stuff from his new Power Juicer
Though it doesn't look like much, it's high technology
Just throw in some green beans and then you add some spinach
Won't even miss those burgers with the cheese

Oh yeah, Jack goes on
Even though he's 89, his body fat's in check
Oh yeah, Jack is strong
Still looks like 45, except above the neck

Ol' Jack sits back, and collects all his money
Scratches his head and does his best Mr. Bean.
Says me and Bob Barker are still among the living
Bobby says Jackie, you are really something

Oh yeah, Jack goes on
Even though he's 89, his body fat's in check
Oh yeah, Jack is strong
Still looks like 45, except above the neck

Abs like rock, has no rolls
And below the belt, well we just don't know
Has not been 16 for 73 years
He might have wrinkles but they're not on his rear

Oh yeah, Jack goes on
Even though he's 89, his body fat's in check
Oh yeah, Jack is strong
Still looks like 45, except above the neck

Little ditty, about Jack LaLanne
The first fitness guru, he will forever reign

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

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Johnny D - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Jack LaLanne is an amazing human being - I remember when I was a preschooler watching him on our black-and-white TV during the Kennedy administration....and I'm 45 !

Great parody, Jan. Favorite line:

She’d stop and have a cigarette, and then come back for more
Royce Miller - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
You're on a roll, Jan--do you live in England?
Jan Unwin - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
No, Royce, Washington State. But I remember Jack LaLanne from my childhood.
Royce Miller - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh---well Jan, my dad lives in Washington state and I've spent some time there, near the Columbia River; what a neat place. There's this place called Maryhill Museum that I really like. Out in the middle of "nowhere"; keep writing your neat parodies.
Mari D - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Does Jack still do stunts on his birthday, like towing boats and lifting cars?
Rick D - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah, he performs one amazing stunt. He gets up every morning.
Peregrin - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Very good Jan!
Jude Rodamer - January 16, 2004 - Report this comment
All 5s! Great parody. My favorite line? "Still looks like 45, except around the neck"
Michael Pacholek - January 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Mari, an answer to your question about Jack's birthday stunts is coming in the form of one of my parodies.
a victim of your site - February 15, 2004 - Report this comment
really sad attempt
Dan Armstrong - February 11, 2010 - Report this comment
I just saw that Jack is still selling his power juicer in infomercials. Long live Jack.

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