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Song Parodies -> "Santa is the Centerfold"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

J. Geils Band

Parody Song Title:

"Santa is the Centerfold"

Parody Written by:

Abbott Skelding

The Lyrics

Looks like the financial problems are starting to effect everyone. Original song:
I was shocked! Eyes were locked
To this magazine
My once time, childhood idols
Getting desperate, as it seems

He lives north with snowflakes
Now in financial pain
Looks like those milk and cookies
Just ain’t enough these days

So I buy and I look through this brand new magazine
And there's that ol’ Kris Kringle on the pages in-between

He once was cold
A million copies just been sold
Open it up, lo and behold!
Santa is the centerfold
While some may scold
A million bucks and he was sold
Santa is the centerfold

Call it gross, call it grotesque
Have a subscription? You damn right yes!
Guess who puts it on display
this issue for July?

Just one second, here’s a clue
This person gave up his flying shoes
He would LOVE for you to see
His picture that’s inside

Gave up his bow and arrows
True love ain’t paying much
You’ll see him this Valentines Day
Are all these clues enough?

What I was told-
Two million copies just been sold
Open it up, lo and behold!
Cupid is the centerfold
While some may scold
A million bucks and he was sold
Cupid is the centerfold

Now some may not understand
Others want to give helping hands
Just ain’t the same since days foregone
Don’t make much when their clothes are on

Next month’s star needs a thrill
She used to take incisors
She’s losing money for each tooth
Turns out, she ain’t so private

The pictures in there made me flip
Made me pray my teeth were chipped
Oh yeah, now don’t deny it
Oh yeah, ya know you’re gonna buy it!

What I was told-
Ten million copies have been sold
Open it up, lo and behold!
Tooth Fairy’s the centerfold
While some may scold
A million bucks and she was sold
Tooth Fairy is the centerfold

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

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Patrick - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Wonderful concept. Very funny. Cupid never wore a whole lot to start with. Santa? That's scary. Rather ogle the Tooth Fairy. Unless that's "fairy" as in "gay", from out in San Francisco way. I should come out nude and see how much money people would pay me to put my clothes on.
Wild Child JIN - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Tooth love from Cupid, Arrow points right at the tooth fairy, and a Yo! Ho! Ho! Ho! from Santa! 555 is in the centerfold! LOL! :-D Excellent work Abbott! :-)
Kristof Robertson - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm kind of speechless, Abbott. Just.....whoa! Full nickel for thinking this one up. Your mind must be an intriguing place to visit,. 555
Michael Pacholek - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
There was a commercial a few years ago for, I think, a department store, I've forgotten which one. (It wasn't Sears.) It showed Santa, in full outfit, doing a photo shoot as if he were a supermodel -- of course, grabbing his "bowl full of jelly" instead of another body part. "Work with me, Santa!" said the photographer. That ad has GOT to be on YouTube somewhere, if only I could remember which store it was to make it easier to find.
Chance Gollnick - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Good structure, and even better parodie
John Barry - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
You've shattered my illusions with this clever parody.
WarrenB - August 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Nice out of box thinking, and tastefully done! I understand the Easter Bunny was on tap to do a spread, but the editors dubbed him to 'hare' ee.
Old Man Ribber - August 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Hey Abbott! - Sounds like Santa's turning into a real "Ho"! This truly is "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Wonderful job. ;D
Wild Child JIN - August 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Sorry I didn't mention this earlier, but I also did a parody by the J. Geils Band. It was their other hit "Freeze Frame" from the album of the same name. My version is called "Brainwaves" Just thought I'd remind/tell those who forgot/didn't know about it. :-)
Mark Scotti - August 15, 2010 - Report this comment
One of the funniest parodies I've read from you. Uttlerly ingenious idea, and HILARIOUS!!!
PawsOnClaus - August 16, 2010 - Report this comment
Sir, there was an on-line Cartoon of ' DearSanta' just wearing a ' tiny Male Undergarment '. . . I agree that it was shocking , but kinda cute. Perhaps it still in floating around the interNET ? ?
Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Not sure I want to know what's going on in your mind Abbott... This was crazy! Sheer craziness. This is going to be a tough month to vote in for sure!
iNetPawsOnClaus - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Sir, I wonder if that on-Line cartoon is still circulating the iNet ? ? it had Santa parading his booty and 'holding' up what he had stripped off . . .
Below Average Dave - September 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Abbott--this . . . was. . .fantastic. One of my favorites from you. Fun original, fun idea, your best execution to date--loved it
Mark Scotti - September 20, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM - One of my fav's from last month!!
Jeff Reuben - September 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Abbott, this is easily my favorite song of yours ever! Hilarious idea and I laughed the whole way through. Awesome job!
Peter Andersson - September 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Out of season but great fun! Maybe with the subject of the song and the subject of TOS being so close (sic!) there are a few to many words of the original left in (then again, Weird Al would have too) and shouldn't it be "Ho and behold!"? Anyway, from me you get fives for Christmas early this year!
bobpiecheese - September 29, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I hope the Tooth Fairy is off the FairlyOdd Parents variety than the Dwayne Johnson variety. That said, definitely one of your best, just don't make a video. It may kill whatever's left of my brain. Sexy Santa shots, do not want. 555!
UnKnownVotrix - September 29, 2010 - Report this comment
I dig that Cowboy; I love his Booty . . . . . . on the Town , oh yeah !

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