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Song Parodies -> "Center Hole"

Original Song Title:

"Centerfold"

Original Performer:

J. Geils Band

Parody Song Title:

"Center Hole"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Surface-pocked, they ain't wokked;
I have come to eat.
Those so good, so good bagels
Started as a Pole's neat treat.

I'm inured to corn flakes;
I throw 'em down the drain.
A mensch like me loves nice bagels,
Forever on my brain.

A schmear applied post-cookin'--
Ooh, a swirl of mazel cream.
The fare of so good bagels
Is my rage--of them I dream.

Fie! bundt or roll--
Ain't meant for me; they got no soul,
But bagels have a center hole,
Bagels have a center hole.

That junk don't roll
Like Mercedes wheels in control
'cause bagels have a center hole,
Bagels have a center hole.

Slit one op-en to ingest.
Donuts thinkin' about in jest.
I apply no curds or whey
To bagels. . .cream-cheese guy.
I am pastin' on this ooze;
Some descends to splash my favorite shoes--
Clumps on the sole of my sneaks;
I'll later pat 'em dry.

Boiled soft lumpy treasures
My mandibles'll crunch.
I eat hurriedly--neck'll sway;
My teeth will munch this brunch.

Fie! bundt or roll--
A mensch, that's me, and I extol
Nice bagels with a center hole,
Bagels with a center hole.

A punkish troll
Once sent to me at Christmas, old
Dry cake of fruit with center hole--
They taste like cement, I'm told.

There's no way I'll understand
A taste for wretched, retch-it bran
Or oily roe from fish that spawn
In sea whose countries end in "-an."

The taste of carp makes me ill. . .
That taste, to mask, endive it,
A taste that's worse: a morel 'shroom--
That taste, I won't survive it.

I part, to eat, my hungry lips;
They'll take in no fried fish 'n' chips.
Such stuff, I'll never buy it;
Only, yeah! one thing in my diet

There's one like roll, except that the middle is whole,
But bagels have the center hole;
Bialies, a dent--no hole.

Dry butter roll ain't meant for me, 'cause I'm a Pole
So bagels play a central role,
Bagels, whose rent I extol.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   7
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User Comments

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McKludge - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
This was quite tasty. A schmear of fives for you, bubela.
alvin - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
wonderfully goofy
Red Ant - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
"Dry cake of fruit with center hole-- They taste like cement, I'm told": no, cement has more flavor. With the title I was half expecting to read a whatfreaker here. Good chorus subs.
stuart mcarthur - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
a perfect syllable-matching extravaganza, JAB - 555
Project Sisyphus - November 13, 2007 - Report this comment
Oy! I'm hungry again...555
MrMacphisto - November 14, 2007 - Report this comment
Not what I expected from the title, but great nonetheless... 5-5-5

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