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Song Parodies -> "There's No Costco Here In Moscow"

Original Song Title:

"All My Ex's Live In Texas"

Original Performer:

George Strait

Parody Song Title:

"There's No Costco Here In Moscow"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

First, a preemptive apology to my Stateside compadres....but American tourists ARE ripe for lampooning....
There's no Costco here in Moscow
This overseas vacation's left me in dismay
I'm at a loss: so cross in Oslo
Coz it's nothin' like the good ol' USA!

I'm crabby; stuck in Abu Dhabi
Coz I need a fast food fix
And Burger King's bypassed Beijing
In Hong Kong, they eat with STICKS!
No Domino's in Comoros:
Where the heck's my extra cheese?
When I go back home to Ohio
I'll be jonesin' for Wendys!

There's no Subway in Zimbabwe
The cola in Angola doesn't taste too great
I can't get Arby's on safari
So I've gotta chew on wildebeest buffet...

In Manila, searchin' for Miller
Was a hopeless quest
And two days in Seoul sure took their toll
Coz that Seoul-food ain't the best
When in Valletta, you won't get a
Maltese malted shake
And in gay Paree, they're servin' me
Horse instead of steak!

Myanmar sucks; there's no Starbucks
Not had a skinny Frappuccino since Monday
It seems Morocco's got no tacos
So I need to get back to the USA!

They say we're uncultured...
These folks from far away
So why do they move to the USA???

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
This is FANTASTIC! Well done and incredibly funny. In Moscow, there IS a "Ruble General Store" as well as "Everything's Under 99 Kopecs." But there is no Longhorn on Cape Horn, no Pizza Hut in Calicut, and no KFC in Araby. Thanks again, Kristof! ;D
L.D. Obblo - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Sad but true. Fortunately you've made it funny. Well done!
Christie Marie M - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
(Singing) "There's no Pathmark there in Denmark, and no BP in Fiji!" Great take on this OS. One of my favorite country songs! Ditto to OMR's comment! I can relate well due to the fact that I suffered culture shock one time at the Philippines. Importing/exporting you 555 worth of franchises!
Fiddlegirl - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Lampoon away, as long as you're doing it so cleverly! :) 555
UnKnownVotrix - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Grab your COKE ~ Don't forget your TAB ~ but leave your RED BULL, hey leave it on your shoulder ~ SPRITE's so sweet, on the ~ PEPSI side of the street ~ Used to chug GATORADE with MtnDEW in a glade . . .
AFW - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
I bow in your shadow, Kristof...Simply amazing phrasing...Sky high lunar quality lines....outstanding material
DJ Blaze - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Very good job. I'm studying Africa at the time, so I got a deja vu from this. Every time I wonder how awesome Japan is, I'll remember this parody. 555
Phil Nelson - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Amazing parody and really funny. Although it's amazing how many American chains are international now! 555
TJC - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
555 between-meal non-free range, transfat laden, processed corn syrup-coated empty carbs for this hilarious travelogue--which lodgded nicely in my gullet, thank you very much! Now I find myself hankerin' for some Kristof 'Pie'!
Meriadoc - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Very funny one Kristof! Although I got to tell ya, on the other hand, ya can't get decent Mexican food in OHIO, either...
Tim Hall - March 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job, but if you want beer in the Phillipines, there is San Miguel. Here's another fun fact: KFC is more popular in China than MCDonalds
Below Average Dave - March 13, 2010 - Report this comment
I hate this Original Song, but damn Kristof, even when it's country you manage to rock it. . .very good job on this one, I am not a Costco shopper--but you really could apply this to pretty much any of our major chains and the American way of life! With a name like mine, laughing at oneself is a rule, so loved it.
John Jenkins - March 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you for reminding me not to act too parochial when I visit the UK this fall and fail to find a Chipotle's. Excellent stuff, Kristof - very good rhyming and very good last verse.
Phil Alexander - March 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Wonderful... Loved the "Subway in Zimbubwe" rhyme :D OK if I add a verse?

And you won't find Big Macs out there in Iraq
And no fries or any Budweiser in Iran
Food in Kabul's inedibul
Wonder why did we invade Afghanistan?

Kristof Robertson - March 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you all for your votes and comments. The next time some euro-snob tells me Americans can't laugh at themselves, I'll direct them to this site!

OMR: Great rhymes dude! YOU can do part 2!
LD Obblo: Gracias!
Christie: YOU can do part 3! I hope you've recovered from your culture shock...
FG: I love a girl with a GSOH...thanks
Votrix: Are you getting endorsement fees from soda companies? :-). Cheers!
AFW: aww shucks! Thank you mate.
DJ: Africa? Japan? You ol' globetrotter...thanks.
TJC: Glad I've whet your appetite!
Phil: So true...the UK is now the 51st state. Thanks a bunch.
Merry: True...The burritos of Toledo leave a lot to be desired! Thx
Phil: And I LOVE San Mig! And cheers for the fun trivia!
Dave: You always say the right thing...merci, mon ami.
JJ: Coming to the UK? Look me and Phil up! I'll take you to some GREAT pubs...
Phil: The answer to that question visit Funpark Al-Qaeda! :-) Cheers for the verse and comment

btw, the ones that didn't make the cut:

No grocer in Cairo, sir

No Cheez Whiz in Cadiz, and...

No weiners in Pristina!


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