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Song Parodies -> "I Want Your Secs"

Original Song Title:

"I Want Your Sex"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

George Michael

Parody Song Title:

"I Want Your Secs"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Technically, secs are dry wines, but for the purposes of this parody I've used the term liberally to apply to other dry libations. Amontillado is dry sherry; Veuve Clicquot is a brand of champagne.
I know I'm your guest,
And as such I should show
Manners that don't disgust. . .
Be like Emily Post.

But I just cannot hide
My dry obsession to know
Just how I can get my hands on it—
What I'm craving, your Amontillado.

Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Much too saccharine!
I have been very patient,
But I must have gin!

I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!

I'm braying for dry wine;
I'm dancing like a troll.
You hear my plangent whine.
You tell me that I have to go.

But I'm ready to pry
The cork off some Veuve Clicquot
And then, like a sorting hog, ingest it,
While it laps like liquid love onto your skirt, tricot.

Oh, where's your sherries? Brut?
Deliciously dry.
I need to imbible—
Here's mud in your eye!
Can't abide Pink Ladies—
Liquid Jell-O
Made with cream and sugar.
Gin's got a small role.

I want your secs!
I want your secs!
I want your secs!

Forget Red Bull—
Just chemicals (yuck! screw it).
Give me Boodles (with just a twist)—
It's secsual,
Discrete, floral.
You will like secs, I guarantee
So won't you please have secs with me?

Secs are arid, with hints of wood
Imparted by the hogsheads
In which they have stood.
Secs are distilled, but not like rum—
There's no molasses or cane scum,
Or cane scum.

Have a martini—
Pink Lady: creamy!
And grenadiney!—
With olive.

C-c-c-c-come on.

2x:
Ever have a "dirty" martini, baby?
Dump in olive brine. . .more aridity.
Sorry 'bout bad manners and my outbursts, baby.
Don't you think it's time you had secs with me?

Secs with me. (3x)

C-c-c-c-come on.



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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   6
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Barry - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
6th verse, 3rd line: "sorting" should be "snorting." Oops.
Kristof Robertson - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I had NO idea what this was going to be about...a bit of bon vivant humour for the middle of the week...great! 555
Rick D - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Great wordplay.
John Barry - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, fellow secs lovers.
Johnny D - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job, JB, let's encourage more secs parodies on this site. Secs is a healthy and natural topic. Secs can be discussed with children, although they're too young to have secs. You should not have secs while driving, however.
Dee Range - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Very tast, with a fine aroma, and legs. 5 glasses full
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I wondered what this one would be about too...clever puns and rhymes, decent pacing, generally well-written. 5's all round!
Stuart McArthur - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
"so won't you please have secs with me".....hmm....there's chance that could be misinterpreted in real life conversation, but maybe I worry too much....555 for the audacity
Susanna Viljanen - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
¡Quisiera una botella más de Freixenet Cordon Bleu cava!

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