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Song Parodies -> "Totally Blitzed with Pine Tar"

Original Song Title:

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bonnie Tyler

Parody Song Title:

"Totally Blitzed with Pine Tar"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Part of my drive to post song parodies about all 30 Major League Baseball teams. This makes only seven (Baltimore, Boston, the Chicago Cubs, Detroit, Minnesota and both New Yorks), but more are on the way. Anyone who's ever seen the clip of the Pine Tar Game, July 24, 1983, will know how true this one is.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit slumpy and the bat's not comin' 'round.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listenin' to you mocking my stats.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the .300 years have gone by.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see that sticky black stuff.
(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I rub it on.
(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I rub it on.

(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I step up to the plate.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit shiftless and I'm holding back the bat with my arms.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I hit one to the moon off the Goose.
(Turn around)
Every now and then I get a little bit horrified and you can see the bulge of my eyes!

(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I use the tar!
(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I use the tar!

And I need it now tonight!
And I need it more than ever!
And if you just won't hold me tight
I'll get an umpire's call that's better!
And you didn't just measure it right!
'Cause the rule book is wrong!
Together we'll debate it 'til the end of the night
but Billy Martin's shadowing me all of the time!
(All of the time!)
I don't know what to do, it's gone out of the park
but living in KC, you can't give off sparks!

I really need it tonight!
We gotta win this game tonight!
We gotta win this game...

Once upon a time, I was hitting home runs.
Now I'm just a bat-cheating star.
There's nothing I can do. I'm totally blitzed with pine tar.
Once upon a time, my ballclub had the lead.
Now our Pennant chance don't go far.
There's nothing I can say. I'm totally blitzed with pine tar!

(instrumental break)

(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I use the tar!
(Turn around, George Brett)
Every now and then I use the tar!

And I need it now tonight!
And I need it more than ever!
And if you just won't hold me tight
I'll get an umpire's call that's better!
And you didn't just measure it right!
'Cause the rule book is wrong!
Together we'll debate it 'til the end of the night
but Billy Martin's shadowing me all of the time!
(All of the time!)
I don't know what to do, it's gone out of the park
but living in KC, you can't give off sparks!

I really need it tonight!
We gotta win this game tonight!
We gotta win this game...

Once upon a time, I was hitting home runs.
Now I'm just a bat-cheating star.
There's nothing I can do. I'm totally blitzed with pine tar.
Once upon a time, my ballclub had the lead.
Now our Pennant chance don't go far.
There's nothing I can say. I'm totally blitzed with pine tar!
I'm totally blitzed with pine tar!

Turn around, George Brett!

Turn around, George Brett, turn around!
Yeah, I know it was a day game. It sounds better this way.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   2
 2
 3
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Know 1 can hear you dream - September 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Im so glad youre not into Tennis. I think the world ranking list now holds about 1000 players.
Wild Man - September 05, 2003 - Report this comment
You do some awesome sports parodies .
John Jenkins - January 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Good line about Billy Martin and good last verse. Not your best work, MP, but I commend you for being able to match the verses from the original.
Doug - March 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Great job in bringing back a fabulous memory fromt he good old days when I was growing up and loving the game so much. I'm not going to have time to read everything or comment, but I will check out your other works.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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