Firing up my X-Box
Join a game using winsock
But on further inspection
I ain't got no connection
I'm playing with myself

When there's no one anywhere
And I'm dealing solitaire
Sure you understand
I love to have a good hand
As I'm playing with myself

Oh playing with myself
Oh playing with myself
Well there's nowt to excuse
There's only me, I can't lose
I'll be playing with myself

Sometimes don't you know that I'd dream
I could be in a football team, but
I just kick the ball
Up against a wall
'Cause I'm playing with myself

And I ain't gonna moan
'Cause I'm here on my own
And if I say it quick
With my hand on my heart
I prefer playing with myself

Oh playing with myself
Oh playing with myself
I'll lend myself a hand
When I'm all alone, and
I'll be playing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But I just sigh
As they pass me by
Leave me playing with myself

If I sink another drink
'Cause it'll help me not to think
After enough booze
Of course I can't lose
So I'll be playing with myself

Oh playing with myself
Oh playing with myself
After lots of booze
Of course I can't lose
After lotsh of boosh
Of course I can't loosh
Affer losha boooosh
Ocoursha caloosh

Playing with myself
Playing with myself
Playing with myself
Playing with myself

So now, please be honest with me
Is this what you thought you would see
What did you think
When you clicked that link
That said "Playing with myself"?

So please understand
I'll give myself a big hand
And I know the worst
Place I'll come will be first
And I'll be playing with myself

Oh playing with myself
Oh playing with myself
And I know the worst
Place I'll come will be first
And I know the worst
Yes I know I'll come first
And I know the worst
And I know I'll come first