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Song Parodies -> "Why Can't I Date"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Village People

Parody Song Title:

"Why Can't I Date"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Normally, I don't like doing a song that so many others have parodied. But while trying to come up with an ABC-W song, and re-reading the esteemed Kristof's SOTM entry 88 Lines About 44 Strange Dates, this just seemed to come to me.
Kristof, I can’t help feeling down
Oh please, Kristof, pick me up off the ground
I said, Kristof, I’m not new in this town
Perhaps that is why: location

I don’t know the places to go
To find classy, not a [word censored] ho
I’m not Imus, even I’m not that low
Searching all across this nation

I need the answer to
Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
They may have been strange, and be written in song
But he cannot be all that wrong

Can someone tell me please
Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Can I find someone clean, down to earth and is real
Won’t even try to cop a feel

Maybe, mate is too strong a phrase
But your dating skills I’m trying to praise
And it’s so hard, I’ve been working for days
To ask you for help with women

You’ve had a date with Rice, Condi
Olsens, Mary, and twin sister Ashley
I don’t want them, they are just not for me
I’m an ordinary laymen

Can someone clue me in
Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Winona’s in cuffs, Whitney’s still doing coke
But they’re hot for that English bloke

I just can’t figure out
Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
I don’t know what to do, I am lonely all day
While he’s dancing with Paula A.

Kristof, weren’t you once in my shoes
Can’t you help out? Give a buddy some clues
I am hopeless, I’ve no ego to bruise
If you must find a thespian

How ‘bout Jewel? She caught my eye
Not the singer, I still think that’s a guy
But the actress, from the show Firefly
That Staite’s a hot Canadian

I am so frustrated
Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Kaylee’s really a dish, I have nary a shot
Unless Kristof hatches a plot

Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Paris Hilton, hear she’s got crabs and lice
Lindsey Lohan, she is just not that nice

Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Someone pretty, I don’t want a knockout
Cute and perky, I could not make her pout

Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
Celine Dion, she is such a diva
I’d like modest, that’d give me a fevah

Why Can’t I Date
44 women like
Kristof my mate
No, Kristof's not my mate, friend, buddy, or pal. Not that we couldn't be. :-) And for reference, this was done to this YouTube version which appears to come from Shrek 2.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   2
 5   5

User Comments

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stuart mcarthur - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I've gotta say I really enjoyed the way you bounced this off Kristof's parody (which I've only just read) - funny stuff, Wolverine - quiet tip though: don't call an Australian an "English bloke" - 555
Wolverine - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Stuart. I meant no insults, I just checked the profile and I believe it said his location was London, UK. I made an assumption (which I should have known better).
TJC - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Nice fusion of lament and tribute!
Matthias - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
One of the main reasons why I haven't done a "YMCA" parody yet is because I can't think of any good ideas. You apprently did not have that problem, great job!
Kristof Robertson - April 20, 2007 - Report this comment
"An English bloke"?..."AN ENGLISH BLOKE"??? ;-) It's OK, Wolfy: a lot of people make the same mistake...but, as Stu said, I am in fact an Aussie living in London. Nationality confusions aside, this is very witty, and thanks for the shout out, mate. A big 555
Wolverine - April 20, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Kristof, TJC, and Matthias. And not to toot my own horn, but this must be my best parody yet. I've graduated and earned my first 0's and 1's. :-)
Guy - November 27, 2008 - Report this comment
Wolvie - one of the better YMCA parodies I've seen. Fine write.

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