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Song Parodies -> "88 Lines About 44 Strange Dates"

Original Song Title:

"88 Lines About 44 Women"

Original Performer:

The Nails

Parody Song Title:

"88 Lines About 44 Strange Dates"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Over the 3 years I've been with Amiright, I've made fun of, pondered over, and pretended to make sweet love to countless female celebrities. So this is a kind of "Greatest Hits" collection...
Britney was a toxic girl
She wore Sinead O'Connor's hair
Paris must've been real poor
Couldn't afford underwear
Katie was a cute girl;
But who was the dwarf she had in tow?
Marilyn, a disappointment:
Twas Manson, not Monroe...

Buffy was a real surprise
She staked her steak with violent glee
Nicole R, I had to feed
She couldn't lift her celery
Gwyneth cried through all three courses
Thanked the waiters, chef, and God
J-Lo's Love Don't Cost A Thing
But she surely blew my wad!

Heather was the nasty type
She crushed a beetle with pine leg
Lindsay had a thirsty mouth
I drank white wine; she drank a keg
Deborah liked Messing 'bout
Surfboard chest, but blessed with Grace
Pamela may have looked nice
But I can't recall her face...

Ms. Paula A, I idolised
She made me Randy like a dawg
Sev'n-Of-Nine, emotionless
Encouraged me to free my "Borg"
Angelina's bee-stung lips
Requested hanky panky rough
Liza M, she stood me up
Because I wasn't gay enough

Two young Russians called Tatu
They let me watch but not partake
Renee Z was nice but dull
I found it hard to stay awake
All six Dolls la Pussycat
Invited me to join their troupe
Things were going well with Cher
Until her nose fell in her soup

Naomi threw spaghetti at me
Got her maid to clean it up
Mariah said "life's like a movie"
(Her life must've been a flop)
Little Drew filled out quite nicely
I'd phone home to see that pair
Shania…felt like a woman
But I did not have one to spare

(Shania: still the one!)

Catherine brought an old and beat-up
Leather bag; she called it "Mike"
Pink said she could do things with
Her piercings I was sure to like
Venus and Serena clocked me
Their response was "new balls please"
Celine sung a slushy ballad
Til I told her, "cut the cheese!"

Martha S had baked me cookies
Each contained a file inside
Second date with Britney;
Pabst and pizza in her double-wide
Lil Kim must have been rushed
Coz she forgot to wear a dress
Demi's surgeon added more
But career-wise, more Moore is less...

(Are you believin' this?)

Madonna said she's Like A Virgin
(that's virgin on ridiculous)
Sandra B looked pale and sweaty
She was late, so took a bus
Avril was too complicated
Sk8er Boi? Hey, learn to spell!
Though I prayed for flame-haired Kidman
I got Ginger Halliwell

Miss Winona wore big coat
I covered her while plates she stole
Whitney's nasal passages
Vacuumed up the sugar bowl
Halle and Michelle arrived
Matching catsuits: what a treat!
Liv, so hot in elven garb
Gave me hairy palms, not feet

Barb and Jenna, unimpressed-
Iraq'ed my brain for witty words
Mary Kate and Ashley- wow!
Purred like kittens; ate like birds
Dirrty young Christina lied
"You're the first boy I have kissed"
Condoleezza turned up p*ssed
Put me on her "must do" list

88 lines about 44 strange dates...

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 31

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   31

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant!!!! Abosutely Brilliant!!!! Not only did you wonderfully make fun of more celebrities than I care to count, you did it to one of my personal all-time favorite songs! This could not be considered better, it was all-in-all perfection.
Wolverine - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
555 lines about women I'll never meet (nor really want to). Great job, but next time hide the sugar bowl. :-)
Ravyn Rant - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job! TMGLTM. 555
MasonR - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
TKTOS, but this is brilliant on its own! Let the record show that "(that's virgin on ridiculous)" got an appreciative groan from me. 555!
Ann Hammond - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
well done
Phil Alexander - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
:-D Surprised you didn't do something like:
Miss Winona wore big coat
Ryder? Yes, with sheer elation
Cate and me, we were Titanic
Goes down... in my estimation
One of these days, I'm going to have to find this OS...
Matthias - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I would love to hear you do a recording of this one!
alvin - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
mind boggling
Hollajuku - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job Kristof. I always like to see someone parody this song.

Mason R: "Ton't Know The Original Song"? That's a new one...
John Barry - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Masterful punning and phrases redefinitions. A masterpiece.
AFW - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
A "44" that shoots straight and dead-on funny! made my day... Way beyond a fives vote
Yoidy - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
Incredibile! Love the phrasing and the punning. My fave is the nose in the soup! 555+
Jack Wilson - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
LOVED IT! Shoulda mentioned Sanjaya Malakr too, he kidna is a girl LOL
Cat - March 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(Oh god...I nearly put "SOTM" in front.)

But okay, Kristof, the jig is have to be a robot, no human could write such HOWLINGLY great parodies as you!!

Favorite lines:
"She made me Randy like a dawg"
"Catherine brought an old and beat-up Leather bag; she called it "Mike""
"Celine sung a slushy ballad Til I told her, "cut the cheese!""

But I must ask, though...Condoleezza Rice?! Well, I guess there's no accounting for taste...
Kristof Robertson - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, everybody! When Matthias laid down the challenge, all I could think of was Spaff's "Flavours" an how I had to come up with something somewhere in the ballpark of being as good as that. It only took me about 2 hours to write the parody, but weeks to come up with the idea.

Matty: Glad you liked it dude. I'd never heard the OS before, but it is now also a firm fave of mine as well. As for a recording, I'll add it to my "must do" list....;-)

Wolfy: There must be ONE there you'd share a milkshake with...

Ravyn: Cheers!

Mason: I almost left that line out, due to fears over "corniness excess syndrome", but can't resist an awful pun

Ann: Thank you, m'dear!

Phil: Don't you mean "Kate"? ;-) Seriously, I could write this parody all over again, such was the surplus of material. If you want a snippet of the song, Google "The Nails"- it's on their website.

Alvin: Danke, mi amigo

Hoolajuku: Thanks a bunch!

JAB: You're TOO kind, but thanks

AFW: Also too kind....but your support is always appreciated

Yoidy: Funnily, that was the first line I came up with!

Jack: Is he the skinny little wailer on American Idol? Not nearly famous enough (and never will be...;-))

Cat: I am DEFINITELY *broop* human- *whrrr* yes, human is *blidip* what I am...;-) As for parody writing, you're not exactly short on talent yourself, y'know? Thanks for your lovely comment, sweetie! (p.s. I HAD to throw Condoleezza in to finish the parody on a surreal note)

Jason - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow! This parody brought me to my knees Mr K! Just how on earth do you do it?!?! 555 votes for you. (Sorry its not 555 strange dates, but what the hell eh?) :-)
Chris Frederick - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Very nice; 5's. For those who DKTOS, it's available in various videos (set to anime clips, etc.) on YouTube. The Nails never made an actual video for the song as far as I know.
The Charnstar - April 02, 2007 - Report this comment
My god, I gotta get the original song. This parody was HILARIOUS! And now that I read it, maybe I can write a sequel to 21 Things Girls Love About The Charnstar.... Hmm... Anyway, DEFINATELY a kick buttocks parody, 5's from me, but it deserves 6
wannabemustangjockey - April 09, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Yikes! Two parodies of this OS in one SOTM?! Not only is it a tough song to parody (I'll definitely have to attack it at some point or another), but you've done it remarkably well.
Agrimorfee - April 09, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) the other 88 to contend with...I'm not tipping my hat until I get back to the messageboard...but this was excellent, too! Another classic.
Max Power - April 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Pop in 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 13, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Two songs down and they're both possible winners, if this quality is kept up I might regret taking up partaking silenty in this round, or maybe not! :-)
stuart mcarthur - April 19, 2007 - Report this comment
wow, and the Kristofinator just keeps mowing the rest of us down - so many clever and witty lines - too many favourites - you know I like parodies that sink the claws in, and there are scratch marks everywhere with this one - brilliant - 555
bobpiecheese - April 25, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excuse me, I need to dig my jaw out from the ground again. Only incredibly awesome things can do that, and so far only two things have...the Transformers movie trailer, and this parody! Well done, Kristof!
Jason - April 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) My jaw broke the floor when I read this! You are far too good at parody writing for your own good mr K!. 555
Michael McVey - April 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Keep dreaming. Maybe I'll have to do 88 lines about 88 parody authors (lol)
stuart mcarthur - April 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) typically brilliant, although your narrative parodies (and their conception) are such masterpieces, I'd generally put them ahead of your list parodies - but this is definitely in or around your top ten
Mikey Squirrel - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) So many celebrities to make fun of... 88 brilliant written lines. Very good job, Kristof.
Johnny D - April 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Any one (or two? or THREE?) of them would be lucky to win a date with a star like you, K.R. !!
Below Average Dave - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, as I said in Chris' version of this song, I'm not a huge fan of list parodies, and this one isn't as fun as the others I've read by you, it's still worthy of a perfect vote. . .but this one isn't my favorite by you.
Wolverine - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. Great parody, which inspired one of my own (different OS).
Jack Wilson - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Awesome job, once again
Tim Mayfield - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I should try this one. I don't think I appreciate how hard it is to try to pass on enough information to know who each one is and what the joke is. Still a massive undertaking I can see that. 5's!
Chris Frederick - April 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Excellently written. Tim hit the Nails on the heads about why this song is tough to parody, and Kristof managed to make most of the women easy to identify, while keeping it very funny.
Dylan Baranski - May 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, would you date either one of the two ladies from Baccara?
Agrimorfee - June 21, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3) So I gave this one 4pts in SOTM. Will I do the same here? Maybe yes, maybe no!...:)
Johnny D - June 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above!
stuart mcarthur - July 02, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC3#) kerrrr-rikey!! I forgot how good this one was Kristof - "more Moore is less" just for starters - saturated with cleverness - got my vote so far
The Charnstar - July 03, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC-# Once again, GREAT parody.
Michael McVey - July 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Great commentary on where the American entertainment industry went wrong.
Arwen - July 03, 2007 - Report this comment
ABC...I can't believe I've missed this until now...this is amazing, KR!
Red Ant - July 04, 2007 - Report this comment
#/# - I KNOW I have read, voted and commented on this, yet I haven't commented... this is definitely in your top 5 parodies. TMOLTM , but "Liza M, she stood me up/Because I wasn't gay enough", the play on Demi Moore's name and the "virgin/(sic) vergin'" were my faves. Record this or die. =)
Cat - July 04, 2007 - Report this comment
(ABC) Do I really need to say anything more about this? You know I love it! =D
Rick C - July 26, 2007 - Report this comment
I read this before but, was on my way out the door and, didn't vote or comment. I recall thinking, "WOW!!! Sorry for the delay Kristof. This is absolutely superb! You've got a great gag in every verse.
Jeff Reuben - March 10, 2008 - Report this comment
Some really great puns in here, like Rick said, each line is brilliant.
Matthias - March 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Almost as great as Chris's but I follow cartoon characters more than I do celeberties (Which is why in Artistry my the instant ideas that come to mind are about toons), but still this was full of fun, with great puns (And you know they're great if Jeff Reuben the King of Puns says that there are some great ones in here).
littleCupCakes - March 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Very good, Sir Kristof ! You're certainly not dateless in Seattle . . . or is that ScotLand??
McKludge - March 30, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTY - Only skimmed the surface of the celebrity possiblities here. Nice bashing.
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Sometimes I can't believe how good you are at this. No, I've read your stuff...and I believe.

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