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Song Parodies -> "Poonlance"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Van Morrison

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Glossary. This may not be necessary, but I include it because the parody employs several terms related to medieval chivalry—liege: a feudal superior to whom allegiance and service are due; vassal: a person under the protection of a feudal lord; puncheon: a pointed tool for working on stone, or an upright framing timber; escutcheon: a shield displaying armorial bearings; chevron: a figure, pattern, or object having the shape of a V, or a heraldic design consisting of two diagonal stripes meeting at an angle; cheval: horse (French); stone: 14 pounds; list: an arena for jousting; merkin: a pudendal hairpiece; dirk: dagger.
Swelled, he's a chivalrous knight with a poonlance,
As it darts way up above his thighs.
This phallusbuttress knight can make romance—
He's a lover of octopus size.
He can siege like a liege when vassallin',
Cleaving belted ramparts down below.
He pricks the lock and then gets his maul in—
Dethrones Quimevere who moans so low.
As he's working his lance in, it is like a puncheon.
Then meanwhile rapid friction shines her escutcheon.

Can we just have one more poonlance from you, Lancelot?
Won't you take off your metal pants and unglove, Lance, love?

Swelled, he has thrown down the gantlet tonight;
His jousting will make miladies come.
He camelot, his lancelot upright
To let him service every chevron.
He's chivalric; "Cheval Dick" they've named him.
They don't jest; he's blessed; they'd guess, one stone.
As he trysts in the lists, he's missed no miss.
Merlin made merkins, but his dirk's honed.
First he shouts, "Sexcalibre!" Then he slips it inside.
After pulling it out from a rock that skinned his hide.


One more poonlance from you in the poontight.
Merlin's magic's right.
La, la, la, la lance in the poontight.
Can we just have one more poonlance from you, Lance, love?

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
555! "In days of old, when knights were bold, and ladies weren't particular, they lined 'em up against the wall, and censored perpendicular."
Johnny D - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
By the way, I was the one who put the word "censored" in that previous comment!
alvin rhodes - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
jesting about the feel of this one...fives plus
John Barry - September 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD, alvin.

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