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Song Parodies -> "'Sama's Lonely; Gotta Come (OBL's Captured Porn Collection)"

Original Song Title:

"Mama Told Me (Not to Come)"

Original Performer:

Three Dog Night

Parody Song Title:

"'Sama's Lonely; Gotta Come (OBL's Captured Porn Collection)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Deliberately avoided the OBL story, figuring it would be done to death. ("done to death"... oh, that crazy duo! ;) But this Associated Press story: Porn stash found at bin Laden compound was right up TT's alley (read, "gutter"), and just a little arm-twisting persuaded pair's polite party's participation.

Written to, and occasionally syllable-matched with, these OS lyrics.

Gettin' frisky in my quarters
Burqas: modes-ty
But all these ladies, Western: they bask for me
Got the amazingest hard-on from this beaver spree
I'm turned on by sights I hardly ever see

'Sama's lonely; gotta come
Stash of porn, a hottie, plumb
Qu'ran says "pray"? That's no fun, no

Gropin' up my stem, so-
-Pet my “pair” in Fruit of Looms
It's kinky, but I'm strokin'
Feeling swell, and then Ka-Boom!
Picture two brunettes: provoking
They're paired; I'm out of breath
Soap, 'cause no fore-skin to tug at   [1]
"Sweat" my crotch to death

Ramadan: I got me some
On my tool, I gotta strum
I fled, and ran away to this "slum", chum
Now have to stay low and mum, scum!

A helicopter's passin'
Someone's crashin' through the door
I'm lookin' at my fifth wife
A blast where bullet tore
I guess these kinda' things
SEALS ain't never seen before
Lemme' get my jizz
'Fore ya gun me to the floor

Plot unfolding; hotties molting; grab ahold: me;   [2]
Old me: hole, see
Restraint? No way with phat hon, whoa, yeah, yeah
"Mamas" bold; me: beat my drum
My Muhammad: gonna scold me
I'm tucked away and so glum
Five wives? None lay like that "plum", no
I gaze at babe with rav' bum, yum!
Ain't made that way where I'm from, no
I think I'm finally done, Sons   [3]

[Ad lib, repeat till raid]   [4]

[1] Although the Qu'ran does not mention male circumcision, many Islamic theologians and scholars say it is recommended. Some argue that it is obligatory, citing the covenant with Abraham. ... Yeah, *that* covenant, with *that* Abraham.. For more on the history of that dispute, see fooTnoTe [2] to TT's parody, "9/11".

[2] "molting" - as some animals shed their feathers, skin, etc., = shedding their clothes.

[3] In more ways than one, heh heh heh! :-D

[4] *Probably* obvious, but just in case, a play on the usual "repeat to fade". No offense to those who got it without this note.

© 2011 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 15

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Patrick - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Five wives, that he kept with him. I'm sure they weren't the only ones. Maybe they were there just to take bullets for him. Wherever you find great fanaticism, you'll find great hypocrisy. I can picture the couriers sneaking across the desert, the saddle bags of their camels "laden" with copies of "Penthouse" and "Hustler". My experience with pornography is rather limited, but from what I've seen, no two porno flicks are different. Women directors make better porno movies than men do. Maybe the CIA could find (or concoct) a video of bin Laden indulging as described above and post it all over. The Arab press has no problems with pictures of death and mutilation. But sex is a different matter entirely. Someone once sent me a video of a gang of Muslim thugs stoning a girl to death for refusing to marry the man her father chose for her. As they beat her and kicked her, her skirt began to ride up above her hips. Someone stepped up and pulled her hem back down below her knees before they resumed pelting her with rocks. Modesty must be maintained.
Wendy Christopher - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Great job, guys! I read it listening to the Tom Jones/Stereophonics cersion of the OS, which somehow made it even freakier! Have some 555's... now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and wash my brain....!
Michael Pacholek - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
If they hadn't shot him, he might've died of a stroke.
Andy Primus - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
I hadn't heard about that. That's one hilarious story (if it's true, and not just propaganda!)
Funny how we both used ka-boom in our parodies today - that's a word you don't see very often. Another is super-duper, which me and Phil Alex both used today as well.
Fits nicely over the OS, and I especially liked "I'm turned on by sights I hardly ever see".
Tommy Turtle - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Patrick: Incredible story about maintaining modesty while the victim is stoned to death.
"Wherever you find great fanaticism, you'll find great hypocrisy".           Beautiful!!! .. so we add (Western, no doubt) porn to cell phones, Internet, airplanes, and all the other Western inventions that these people who regard the West as Satan so eagerly embrace. Thanks for the v and very perceptive c.

Wendy Christopher: LOL! "South Pacific": "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Head". Thanks, Wendy!

Michael Pacholek: Best_Pacholek_Comment_Ever. ROFLMAO!!!!

Andy Primus: I'm sure it's true: see Patrick's astute analysis. The most repressive cultures tend to be the most hypocritical. Thanks for v/c.
Max Power - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Burqas gone wild anyone?
Tommy Turtle - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Max Power: I DK if the exact content of the collection has been released, but somehow, I don't see Islamic women posing for porn, do you? :) But what a video series -- I think you may have a hot new business idea there! Thanks for v/c!
Christie Marie M - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Welcome back the dynamic duo of AIR! Interesting take on Bama, another side of him I haven't seen before! LOL!! Great going. I sure would never want to be Obama's woman, that's for sure. Ditto on the 'hotties molting'. LOL, a good one! Yep, finally done to death, all right. Now lets rejoice with some beers!
Off Kilter - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Excellent parody word play stayin' power & standout stanza stamina. Seems all those religious zealots visit their local red light district sooner or later. Semper fives!
Tommy Turtle - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Christie Marie M: I think you have a parody idea there: "American Woman" (The Guess Who) = "Osama's Five Women" or "Islamicist Woman". Thanks for v/c and the welcome!

Off Kilter: (Scottish male stripper? ;) .... "standout stanza stamina" was great alliteration, but I kept expecting "semen" in there somewhere, hehe! ... Definitely the hypocrisy, as per Patrick and some recent and ongoing US scandals. Thanks for v/c!
AFW - May 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Puts the final touch on the Osama tale, or tail ...Hilarious writing, Guys, er, Guy and Gal..
Tommy Turtle - May 17, 2011 - Report this comment
AFW: LOL @ tale/tail and "touch"!!! Thanks for v/c!
Mark Scotti - May 18, 2011 - Report this comment
And he added to his collection with his own "snuff film" that no one will ever see....LOL...good to see you guys are "fiddling" around again!
Tommy Turtle - May 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Mark, LOL @ "snuff film" - hope we *do* get to see that film. Thanks for v/c! ... see reply to other FG/TT post re: why absent.

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