I believe what I read in the Mail
That the crime levels are right off the scale
And anything left-wing is bad
But more than this, I'm virtually insane
Yes, I may be quite insane, but I know

That we should.. think of the children
Somebody, please, please think of the children
Sometimes I wonder should I vaccinate
'Cause a celebrity said vaccines ain't safe
They should filter all the websites we see
To save our children from that pornography
And they'll be safer if we don't let them play
Well, anywhere, I don't need to explain
Oh, no I never, ever need to explain, because I

I think of the children
'Cause they're not safe! Just think of the children
And I'm making it my life's ambition
To save my children from a paediatrician

And they never should hear a swear word
The lengths I go to 'cause of that are absurd
And the tiniest risk is still way too high
And so I'm gonna sing it once again
Yes, I'll sing it once again - you can join in:

Think of the children
Somebody please, please think of the children
When it comes to what they print in the Mail
Well, frankly, it's a child-rearing FAIL