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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Way to Cleave Your Lover"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Way to Cleave Your Lover"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

The problem is, I want you dead and shed of me,
I glance at you and view you thanatotically.
Life with you's hell, but I'm struck by epiphany:
There must be fifty ways to cleave your lover.

Formerly I would simply get mad and I fumed,
But no more, you won't demean me, making me get your pet groomed.
I've learned to deal with it where nothing will be exhumed,
There must be fifty ways to cleave your lover,
Fifty ways to cleave your lover.

[REFRAIN 1]
Get a sharp saw and hack, Jack,
Use a trepan, Fran,
Employ chopper for choy, Roy,
But set those limbs free.
Try a blunderbuss, Gus.
A Cheneyesque touch, Dutch.
Chop with machete, Bea,
And set those limbs free.

[REFRAIN 2]
Machete and hack, Mack,
Sharp lid of can, Stan,
Employ chopper for koi, Roy,
But set those limbs free.
Swiss blade that don't rust, Gus,
Much keener than Dutch, Hutch,
Lop off at the knee, Lee,
And set those limbs free.

It surely grieves me: this song has four refrains.
It would be quite boring if each one were exactly the same,
And so I will compromise and not do four. . .just a twain,
Can't list all fifty ways

Now back to the song: you must creep up, out of sight
While your victim's asleep, snoring, before dawn has leaped with light,
And then kiss him/her off; think not of probable cause and end your plight,
Use one of fifty ways to cleave your lover,
Fifty ways to cleave your lover.

[Repeat Refrains 1 and 2]

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   12
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 12
 

User Comments

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Matthias - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
I remember you telling me something about this on my "Severing Skills" parody..... Painfully Funny!
alvin rhodes - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
this slayed me....BTW...i had to look up "thanatotically"
Peter Andersson a.k.a Thanatos - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
So did I, what a killer...
Johnny D - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
The Sounds of Violence!
TJC - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
The usual excellent, razor-sharp witty `n cleever parody! Love the unexpected vocab... I vote "drawn `n quarter--..., er, um... quintupled"!
John Barry - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias, Alvin, Peter, JD (where have you been?), TJC.
AFW - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Ghoulish gold, here
Dee Range - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
LMAO! Reminded me of Fargo,, when Steve Buscemi gets stuffed in the tree limb shredder at the end. This is fantastic JB.
Yoidy - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Very Dahmeresque. I love it to death!! 5s!!
Rick D - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Hi John. Just in time for that scariest of holidays, Christmas. I notice Malcolm has started cranking them out since you got close, but my money's on you to be top dog eventually.
Stuart McArthur - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
is this the first amiright appearance (indeed world premiere) of the word "Cheneyesque"? and I was wondering how you were going to deal with the "fifty ways" issue - lol - lovely words, JAB - 555
Michael Pacholek - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
Just about died laughing.
Red Ant - October 26, 2006 - Report this comment
You should have found more ways; I was enjoying it. Perhaps "50 Ways To Love Your Lever" next?
Meriadoc - October 28, 2006 - Report this comment
A well-done choice cut of parody...
Jack Wilson - October 29, 2006 - Report this comment
THis was awesome! 555!
malcolm higgins - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
sharp, John... sharp as a tack

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