He said it seems I have a little tragedy
I'm a man, but I want to be a she
Can you please help me in my struggle to be free
Tell me fifty ways to be my lover

I said maybe you're feeling a little uptight
Things might look different, in the morning light
But I woke up in the middle of the night
And wrote down fifty ways he can be his lover

Slip on a dress, Jess, carry a fan, Stan
Don't need to be shy, Guy, just listen to me
Put on a truss, Gus, it'll help you suck in, much
Just put on some fleur-de-lis
And get yourself free

I said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
He said, I appreciate that, but would you explain about the 50 ways

I said, why don't we both go shopping down at Sax
I'll help you find a dress and you can lose the slacks
We'll have a ball, you know, going through the racks
Cause there are fifty ways to be your lover

Slip on a dress, Jess, carry a fan, Stan
Don't need to be shy, Guy, just listen to me
Put on a truss, Gus, it'll help you suck in, much
Just put on some fleur-de-lis, and get yourself free