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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Ways to Cheat at Tekken"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Cheat at Tekken"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

So guess what I've been doing a lot of recently. For those hard-core Tekken geeks like myself, this versions is based mostly on those characters in the most recent iteration of the series, known to us as Tekken 5. Jun makes a cameo in the extras, but my main goal was to get everyone in T5 into the parody. And Jinpachi is NOT playable, before you go all geek-logical on me.
Now I have mastered oh so many fighting games
But there is one for which I have not gathered fame
And when I lose it is the program that I blame
There's more than fifty ways to cheat at Tekken

I drop more quarters in with every single try
I start to play, get combo-ed up then start to die
I'd say I have a chance but I don't want to lie
There's more than fifty ways to cheat at Tekken
Fifty ways to cheat at Tekken

Just Tudo that leg, Craig
Sway when you box, Fox
Try picking Paul, is all
That punch really stings

So don't let it fool ya, Julia
Don't need to let Wang school ya
Get getups with bling, King
And you can own this ring

Just use gun attacks, Jack
Switch stances midway, Lei
Hug like a Bear, there
Or pick Heihachi

Don't think I've seen ya, Nina
But you can wreck this arena
Mist-fist is the key, Lee
To combo like me

I tried to learn by going each and every day
And got my ass kicked to the floor to my dismay
I grew so angry and referred to it as 'gay'
There's more than fifty ways to cheat at Tekken

But very recently I got myself a win
It forced my mouth to start to spread into a grin
For now I know it is a sign that I begin
To learn those fifty ways to cheat at Tekken
Fifty ways to cheat at Tekken

Unpredictably dodge her, Roger
That wall leaves 'em cryin', Bryan
Keep that sword cozy, Yoshi
So blocking won't do

Try Maui Tai abuse, Bruce
But no matter what stay loose
And I have something new for you
Sit on 'em with Ganryu

Grow wings when you win, Jin
Don't let dying screw ya, Kazuya
Find power within, Mokujin
And try this banana

So don't have a cow, now
Just declare Marshall Law
Go practice with Panda, and uh
Get beaten by Anna

[Extra Bonus Lyrics]

Go out with a bang, Hwoarang
Back 1 with Feng, then
Start spinning already, Eddy

You're only 1st Dan, man
So don't get upset, yet
Now go have some fun, Jun

Break someone's back, Baek
And watch for when Jacks attack
But no one needs Savin', Raven
So what else you cravin'?
Copyright 2005+ 2nz

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
I have not the foggiest what you're on about, Glen...but this was fun! 555
2nz - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
It takes a gamer to appreciate this song... or so I thought. Thanks for stopping by Fearless Leader. The gimmick was that every name I used in the song belongs to a playable character from the fighting game series Tekken. The funniest part is my friends and I have more fun bashing the characters for being cheesy and the gameplay for being unbalanced than we do actually playing the game.

On a separate note entirely, I sure hope there are still people around here who qualify as video game nuts. I would hope so; Tekken is huge among a "younger" demographic here in the USA and in places like Japan and Korea it's even bigger.
Paul Robinson - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
2nz - I have not "tekken" to gaming parodies so I won't vote...but it looks pretty good, anyway.
sexy gay bopy - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
that SUCKED!
2nz - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for stopping by anyway, Paul. It's appreciated.

You SUCK, sexy gay bopy. You have a point, but you still SUCK.

I guess it serves me right. Trying to combine a 90s and later 3D freakin' fighting series with Paul freakin' Simon from the nineteen-freakin-seventies was bound to turn up bad. I've written about a well-known gaming icon like Mario and barely gotten a turnout around here. What's a gamer to do? When I figure that one out, I'll let ya know.
Tekken Lord - January 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Keep up the good work and try to come up with more Tekken stuff and maybe some combo and match movies as well.
Dexter F. Williams - October 13, 2006 - Report this comment
This gets promoted to a 555 Lord. And I JUST got Asuka Kazama to a Shihan rank in Tekken 5, too! I even found out the hard way that challenging someone up to rank Tekken Lord is NOT easy in Arcade Mode! Keep up the good work.

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